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Random Stuff that has NOTHING to do with politics - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Random Stuff that has NOTHING to do with politics [Nov. 4th, 2008|01:59 pm]
terribleturnip
Distant Early Warning: If you are a purchaser or user of gift cards, here are some that you definitely don’t want to buy as gifts for this holiday season, and if you currently hold any, you may want to consider using them NOW. Borders, Circuit City, Rite Aid, Michael’s and Burlington Coat Factory may not make it until next year, at least not the form we know them. And while in past years, stores use the holiday season to see if they can make themselves more attractive for takeovers, etc., this might not happen this year, so don't put off using that giftcard until you see what you get for the holidays.

For dinner last night, to use up the rest of the crab from Sunday night’s crab stuffed mushrooms, I sautéed some sliced mushrooms with some chile and epazote in roasted garlic olive oil, added the crab to warm, swirled in some pre-made guacamole with tomatillo salsa and we had crab tacos. I always forget how much I really enjoy tacos.



Although really it should be things I don’t get...

Seven Layer Dip. Sorry, but it should be warm. Shredded cheese at room temperature, or cold! Is gaggable. I’m not saying I won’t EAT it. If there is beer on hand, I will woof it down like a golden retriever, because beans and sour cream and beer call to me. But it would be better heated. Make it without the sour cream, heat it, then put the sour cream on.

Church. Lots of people love going to church. More go out of some bizarre sense of duty, or obligation, or fear. My mom always wanted to go to “show off her family” to the rest of the town. When trying to convince me, as a teenager to go with her and I said, just go yourself if you want to go, Mom, don’t drag the rest of us along. And she said, well, there’ s no point in going if my family won’t be with me. Now, that’s the WRONG reason to go. But I can’t bring myself to go because, really, other than the music – which can be pretty hit or miss in a small New England Church – all that’s left is the dressing up, the repletion and the obsessing over why these people can’t carry a freaking throat lozenge.

Professional Sports. Oh, let’s be real. For me, even nonprofessional sports. The plotline is essentially the same – now they have the ball, now the other guys have the ball, now they dropped the ball, now someone stole it…it’s like an action flick car chase, except the cars are always basically the same and they keep running it on the same damn street. Plus, why sit and watch someone else be active when you could be doing it yourself? Which means that porn tends to creep into this same category really. No porn flick needs to be longer than 15 minutes, in my opinion.

Brad Pitt. The man has a lovely body. But his face is, while not unpleasant, not terribly attractive. I don’t see it. Ted Danson’s another one. Jimmy Smits. What am I missing here? Obviously when they were passing out "attraction to neanderthal brow ridges and slab sided cheeks", I was too busy rooting around in the "great laugh" bin.

Neon colors. Ouch. I mean, unless you're doing something where you need to be seen, then it just makes sense. But hot pink, bright yellow, vibrant orange, flourescing green....yuk. And it's not just that they make my Viking jaundicey skin look even more sallow...I don't even like LOOKING at them.

Clowns. Despite my "can't sleep, clowns will eat me" t-shirts, I'm not actually AFRAID of clowns. I just don't like them. It's so ham-fisted. Here, I am, dressed to be funny, with my oversized shoes and my squirting flower...it makes me want to punch them. Please note, I am civilized, despite having attended a clown convention, I did NOT punch anyone, although I was sorely tested. I did waver, when surrounded by a group of "Christian" Clowns (because a clown just gets funnier when you drag religion into it...I guess that means they don't swear when the little kids stomp on their foot? Why the hell would you need to specify a Christian Clown? What, are you afraid the Jewish Clowns will sneak a matzoh gag in their routine?)

Anyway, I digress...my only lashing out was at the Christian Clowns who, when they found out I did the pirate thing, proceeded to then bombard me with the lamest pirate jokes on the face of the earth. Lame. I mean, eight year old's birthday party lame. So I retaliated with the "tell him his gold earring isn't real" joke.

Because I am MEAN.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-11-04 07:48 pm (UTC)
I hope you followed it up with the "Arr, and it's drivin' me nuts" joke.

That one kills Christian clowns. Absolutely slays 'em.
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[User Picture]From: kiltboy
2008-11-04 08:13 pm (UTC)
That one kills Christian clowns. Absolutely slays 'em.

So do large steak knives. Not quite as legally, but more satisfying.
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-11-04 08:15 pm (UTC)
Yeah, but then there's the whole "bloodstains on the clown suit" issue, and really? It's getting harder and harder to find good dry cleaners any more.
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[User Picture]From: kiltboy
2008-11-04 08:39 pm (UTC)
Fortunatly, the one holding the knife ain't the one who needs the suit cleaned afterwards.
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-11-04 08:41 pm (UTC)
You never know when it's handy to have a clown suit in the closet. And it beats paying for one.
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From: kudrasslipper
2008-11-04 08:19 pm (UTC)
THANK YOU! GAWD! I have NEVER understood the whole "cold 7 layer dip" thing. NEVER. I mean... cheese that's not melted? On my chips? Really? eew.

Porn movie length - agreed
Brad Pitt - yeah, me neither. And Johnny Depp. I mean, I love him and he's fabulous, but he's such a girly-man. I like GIRLS and I find him too feminine.

Not even going to comment on Christian Clowns. Oy vey.

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