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Steeling myself - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Steeling myself [Nov. 5th, 2008|10:15 am]
terribleturnip
Most people don't realize that they really should, after any kind of knifework beyond cutting open that bag of frozen peas because you STILL don't own a pair of kitchen shears, you should steel the knife to realign the teeth. Sure, it looks like a straight solid edge on your knife, but it's not, it's oodles of little...teeth coming down from either side of the edge that mesh together and align to form one edge. If you look straight at the edge, you may occasionally see a glint of silver -- your knife's teeth are bent pretty bad. A sharpening steel is orthodontia for your knife.

Many people who use a steel don't realize that after you steel a knife, you need to wash it. Really. Honest to god. You make me nuts. Don't believe me? Steel a knife. Now wipe the blade with clean towel. See? Those freaking teeth fall off and if you don't wash the damn blade after steeling, it's going in your food. And if THIS is how you get your minerals, you need to rethink your diet.

And don't be a dork like me and run your finger along the steel to see...it's magnetic and holds a lot of those little teeth. Which will then embed themselves into your finger, in a not horribly painful way, but still, you probably don't need to check it out yourself.

But that's not the steeling I'm doing, nah, I'm talking about
It's been several years since our extended family has gotten together, since the last funeral, and by extended, I mean shower curtain rod extended, as opposed to telescoping ladder extended, since it's mostly my Mom, her brother and her sister, plus spouses. My brother and I only have three cousins and one of them's getting married, and the other two don't seem to care. Just goes to show you that being raised to say "yes, sir" and "yes, m'am" and go to church on Sunday doesn't mean that you won't grow up to be self-absorbed brats. One of which has implied that because cousin #3 was adopted into the family, it's not the SAME...which fills me with such blinding pissed off-edness that I just ate an entire handful of cashews without even realizing it.

Ahem.

But my brother and I, in addition to having a sense of familial duty and the need to stay connected to what little family we have, have very important roles to play this weekend.

We are the rodeo clowns.

It's funny, because I always think of myself has having come from a fairly non-dysfunctional family, alcoholism aside -- I mean, we can come together for a family dinner or weekend and everything is fun and mellow and no drama.

But that's just our immediate family. So, I guess you could make the argument that there is a high percentage of rodeo clown to bucking bulls. Although I do suspect that my parents, my brother and I, are our respective SO's, just happen to get along with other people. We're all sort of low drama, anyway.

But with this larger family gathering, my Bro and I will have to be on our toes -- ready with our barrels, ready with our crazy hats and distracting hankies. Thank goodness this is post-election, not pre-election, but my parent's relatively new-found moderate/liberalism is a guaranteed friction maker when faced with the red-necked, racist conservatism of one brother and the libertarian, gun-hoarding, wackaloonery of the brother in law.

And everyone could just agree to disagree, but in my family, we eat our young. We poke the buttons, we can't let it rest, we can't resist, we inflame, we excoriate...and then we call it LOVE.

Except my brother and myself, who, while we are champions of snark, tend to keep it to ourselves, and are more of the eye-rolling, hands throwing up in the air, walk away, change the subject kind of people.

And while we can get into it, from time to time...when this group gets together, we roll out the barrels, put on the foam noses and find something to distract the bull from goring the cowboy. Again.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-11-05 03:56 pm (UTC)
As long as you wear the chaps.

You look hawt in the chaps.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: sweetpea86
2008-11-05 05:35 pm (UTC)
Want my hat?

You look good in red.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: silvrwillow
2008-11-05 09:20 pm (UTC)
"wackaloonery" - I love it! It will be my new vocabulary word of the day!
(Reply) (Thread)