|I have super powers.
||[Jan. 11th, 2007|08:46 am]
I have this one client...no matter what, a cooking session for them always takes me longer than for other clients. They seem to have a knack for choosing a combination of dishes that will take me damn near an hour longer than for any other client with the same quantity. and if something can go wrong...|
Despite getting all of my paperwork done the night before and ready to go, I got off to a late start. (Being a bitter bitch in an unhappy marriage, or a lonely single sure was good for getting the hell out of the house on time, I'll give you that.)
Then three separate stores to buy all of the ingredients. (And I'm not talking unusual ingredients here -- how can a major grocery store NOT have zucchini? (I happen to know that it's available, domestically, 365 days a year. Droughts, locusts, hurricanes...everything else can be wiped out...but the zucchini still grows on.)
So now I'm even later than usual arriving at the client's house, I begin to unpack, pull out equipment and supplies, start the cornbread...start to prep the meats and...damnit. I'm looking at a package of flank steak. To make Basque Beef Stew. When I clicked on "Sub Beef for Lamb" in my little software program...I should have scrolled down one further to "Sub Stew Beef for Lamb".
(For the record, I know that the idea of Basque Beef Stew is a little ludicrious. After all, these people are all about the Sheep. Hell, we wouldn't even HAVE a sheep industry here in the U.S. if these folks didn't take care of our little lambs. I also know that...umm, they're very good at making bombs and take their national pride seriously. But you know, these clients, poor misguided fools that they are, hate lamb. And me, busy person that I am, have only so much time to devote to menu development. Why jettison a perfectly good recipe -- Basque Shepherd's Stew -- when you can just substitute beef for the lamb. Consider it Basque revenge on the ignorant American Sheep-Haters. Eh, my brothers? Please don't bomb me.)
Anyway, even I can't use flank steak to make Basque Beef Stew -- especially since they've had it before and have certain expectations - like big chunks of meltingly soft beef. Sigh. (Not that it wouldn't be far superior when made with Lamb, eh, my Basque Friends?)
So off to the store I go. Call my boy, who had a bad day the previous day, to tell him that things should look up for him, since the gods were pooping on me this day. And then, I said...I know, what the hell was I thinking!...WELL, IT CAN'T GET MUCH WORSE, IT'S GOT TO GET BETTER.
Super Powers Activate!
And as I drive into the parking lot and pull up in front of the Giant, thinking, hmmm, not many people here today...
Across the front door: This Location is Closed
Just like that. And do they tell me which locations are NOT closed? No. Do they invite me to go to another local Giant? No. Try our other locations? No. No help whatsoever.
I know, you're thinking, what's the big deal, go find another grocery store. Except I'm in Columbia, MD. Where they've worked so hard to make everything so pretty and residential with no big ugly store signs...that you can't find a freaking thing! You can't tell from any given street whether you're driving into some pissant dead-end neighborhood or a major shopping area. And you can't tell what's in a shopping area until you get all the way inside...only to find out that it's just doctor's offices. Augh!
And time is ticking away, which means I'm now dangerously close to still being cooking when my clients get home from work. And I HATE that. I have to stop swearing and talking to myself, for starters. Plus I like them to come home to delicious smells, a bouquet of flowers, and the menu listing their meals. Not some sweaty chick in a sauce and grease covered chef's coat, ferociously flinging food and equipment all over the place.
Luckily I was able to find another store fairly quickly, get back and thankfully, my clients were both working late or out of town, so I was able to get all cleaned up and gone in time.
Do they make cell phones with a Kryptonite insert? I know I'll never be able to make myself stop saying stupid things like "It can't get much worse" so my only alternative is to dampen the superpowers that make stuff like that come true.