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A letter to that guy driving in front of me - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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A letter to that guy driving in front of me [Mar. 24th, 2009|02:52 pm]
terribleturnip
Dear Sir,

It is actually not necessary to come to a complete and full stop in front of each speed bump. Look, there to the right is a sign that reassures you that you can safely traverse said traffic calming device at 15 miles an hour. Traffic calm is the operative word, my friend, not traffic stopping.

We call that a stop sign here.

Your vehicle has actually been designed to pass over smooth, elevated objects like this at low speeds. Really. Why, your car can zoom over a human body, which is not at all smooth, at much higher speeds without damage. Trust me. Well, okay, MINE can.

I can only hope that you are carrying your grandmother's collection of handpainted Easter Eggs, or an injured animal, or a baby who has been awake and screaming for 6 hours and you finally got him to fall asleep in the car. Because MY load of groceries is now spilled all over the floor of my car. My avocado, of which I was particularly proud of picking out since it is ripe, perfectly ripe and WAS unbruised. My beautiful unblemished strawberries are unblemished no more now that they've taken a header with the can of diced tomatoes. Don't even get me started on the snap peas that are now laying underneath the jumbo container of Wisk detergent. I hadn't planned on pureed peas, but I guess that's what I'll do with them now.

Come to think of it, that's exactly what happens to a human body when a car runs over it at high speed. If I were you, I'd look both ways from now on, sir. I'm a grudge-holder.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: im_geva
2009-03-24 07:15 pm (UTC)
I love you.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: kiltboy
2009-03-24 07:23 pm (UTC)
that's exactly what happens to a human body when a car runs over it at high speed.

Um, I'm afraid to actually ask. But we both know I'm going to anyway...

Since you mentioned it twice, is there a story that goes along with that?
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: madam_macaw
2009-03-25 02:40 pm (UTC)
I am curious myself.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2009-03-24 09:21 pm (UTC)
Why, your car can zoom over a human body, which is not at all smooth, at much higher speeds without damage. Trust me. Well, okay, MINE can.

I was going to ask, but now Dave has, so I don't. I just want to know how much you needed for either a car wash or a lawyer.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2009-03-25 12:02 pm (UTC)
Like I'm going to explain on the intrawebs....
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From: (Anonymous)
2009-03-26 04:56 pm (UTC)

Speed humps.........................from the rocketeer

Ah, yes: Splatttt! THUMPTHUMP!. The lovely memories come flooding back....
(Reply) (Thread)