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terribleturnip

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More controlling than me? Is it possible? [Jul. 1st, 2009|02:03 pm]
terribleturnip
Okay, I admit it: www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com is a guilty pleasure of mine. After all, if only I got my act together and got organized, I could send a daily picture from just my own family albums. And they do occasional awkward family moment/story, of which this is one.



From: Marney

As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.

HJB—Dinner wine

The Mike Byron Family
1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don’t feel like you a have to feed an army.
2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don’t care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3. Toppings for the ice cream.
4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.

The Bob Byron Family
1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family
1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

The Michelle Bobble Family
1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon
3. Proscuitto pin wheel - please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
4. A pie knife

The June Davis Family
1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay

The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)
1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

Looking forward to the 28th!!

Marney

(kindly submitted by Kara at http://californiakara.blogspot.com)

I am humbled and feeling very laissez-faire right now.
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: sestree
2009-07-01 06:19 pm (UTC)
all I can say is wow.

Hell I would've been thrilled had the guests for my family dinners 1)showed up on time 2) brought something other than the 3-10 extra people to feed and 3) a. quit bitching about the food and/or b. the ever popular "What Is this?"

I bet she doesn't have 30-40 people bitching because she put a dab of REAL maple syrup in the candied yams and demanding do-overs ;)

you're not controlling just terribly organized - and we love that about you.

(Reply) (Thread)
From: kudrasslipper
2009-07-01 06:42 pm (UTC)
You can DO THAT!?!?!?!

::Jumping up and down::
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: warriorsway
2009-07-01 07:11 pm (UTC)
Only in Wtf-r-u-smokinland. Dude. What must it sound like in that person's head?!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: skivee
2009-07-01 09:14 pm (UTC)

Dear Marney

Thanks for your helpful hints for Thanksgiving dinner.
Unfortunately the family won't be able to attend this year because of...errr, something to do with the dog.
You will be glad to know that we have shipped the mashed turnips and two containers of Turkey Hill ice cream via overnight parcel post. One of the ice creams is vanilla, the other is Turnip Ripple. We have included plenty of grated chedder cheese to top the ice cream with.
We didn't send any spoons, but I suggest you serve the turnips no-one will be eating with that big stick you have up you ass. Not only will it be pre-warmed, but it won't have to be washed, since your poop doesn't stink.\
BTW, Lisa has been working on her bean and veggie dip platter for the past week. There must be five gallons already. You be sure to tell her what a big-girl job she has done. You probably don't want a repeat of the "weeping-screaming lisa locked in the only bathroom of your cottage while 20 other folks think about the cathartic effect of mashed turnips" incident from last year. Have the neighbors stopped complaining about their lawn yet?
I hope the event goes well.
We only wish that the dog's condition allowed us to join in this years big party.
Bad dog.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: bittibuddha
2009-07-02 12:37 am (UTC)
I have to admit I sort of skimmed the introductory paragraph before clicking the link and thought "Marnie" was a familiar version of "Meredith" and that these were YOUR instructions to YOUR family, and was appalled and terrified (and slightly turned on) and then EVER SO GRATEFUL when I realized they were not.

I remain slightly turned on at your post in general, but I assume you get that reaction from just about everybody.

(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: im_geva
2009-07-02 02:00 am (UTC)

There is no amount of vodka

that would make that Thanksgiving tolerable.

(Reply) (Thread)
From: (Anonymous)
2009-07-03 04:19 pm (UTC)

Re: There is no amount of vodka..... from the rocketeer

However, a suitable,LARGE application of solid propellants, on the other hand...
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2009-07-02 06:27 am (UTC)
Hey. Someone who gives my sister a run for her money.

Yikes. *shudder*

Those people do keep going back, tho'... At least, some of them must.

*shudder*

>snip<

I just had to wipe my eyes- I was laughing so hard reading this out loud to dadgaderie I could barely breathe. Thanks, everyone, I really needed that after this long, tense and inexplicably difficult day.

Turnip, you are a marvel. Feel free to order me to bring whatever food you like to Thanksgiving or some other party. I do make a very nice baked turnip...
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: pinkribbonwench
2009-07-02 02:42 pm (UTC)
Oh, and No exceptions.

(I wonder if she's related to this guy?)
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