|Why me, a bottle of wine and regular network television are a bad mix
||[Feb. 20th, 2007|08:58 am]
|||||Jeff Black, Tin Lily||]|
So, I didn't get my Netflix movies back in the mail on a timely basis, so here I am on a Sunday night stuck watching regular network television. And basic cable at that, so I can't even fall back on Comedy or Sci-Fi or even Planet's Funniest Animals....
And sure, I could have shut it off and gone up and read a book in bed -- but I had silver to polish.
Which meant the mind was a'wandering. It was Wife Swap that did it to me. Really. How could a farm-girl, food safety nut like me pass on a show that switches a wallowing in filth, raw-food eating survivalist with a germophobic, take out eating urban Mom? I was switching back and forth between "she's got a point" and "why the hell am I watching this" so fast that surely something became unmoored.
Plus there were the silver polish fumes. And commercials, which I haven't watched in so long, that I was actually paying attention.
When is someone going to spill the beans and reveal that Leonardo DiCaprio has been getting hormone treatments? Baby boy has finally hit puberty. I've never ever understood the appeal. Until now. He finally looks like he's old enough.
How does a liquor store robbery turn into a fire that burns down an entire strip mall? Sure, cardboard and alcohol, I can do the chemistry...but...really, either the fire inspector or the fire department had to be sleeping at the wheel here.
Why do the CSI people drive Humvees in Miami? Is that the only way to look more impressive than the drug dealers? Is it for the mounds of snow and ice? Maybe the treacherous rocky and hilly terrain they need to drive over? The heavy things they need to tow or carry?
And thanks to said bottle of wine, why DID the parents of the babysitter wind up dead in the backyard at the house where their daughter was babysitting? I can't believe I was awake through the whole set-up and then fell asleep during the reveal. Dammit! Must have been the silver polish fumes.
Speaking of falling asleep, how come the sleep aid commercials always feature women? I have to admit I'm fortunate enough to never have needed these products -- if I can't sleep, a shot of whiskey, an orgasm or a pillow over the head of the thing that's keeping me awake usually fixes it.
But still -- is it mostly women who have trouble falling and staying asleep? Is it because we're so busy and stressed out? Is it the snoring issuing from the other side of the bed? Or are men totally neglected by the sleep aid industry? Sexist bastards.
Well, no wine for me tonight. Sometime between midnight and dawn there'll be pirates that need to be unpacked and put to bed and I'd better have my faculties intact. Thank goodness I got all the silver polished.