|Because no matter how funny I was going to be, the actual news is funnier
||[Feb. 23rd, 2007|08:39 am]
|||||Lene Lovich, Stateless||]|
"DC schools vow to order textbooks well head of start of classes this fall"
You ordered books in July for an August 29th delivery. Dudes, this ain't Netflix. You've got to order this stuff ahead of time. Is this your first year running a school system?
I keep swearing I'm going to stop getting the newspaper everyday. What the hell, I'm a modern woman, I can get my news online. (Like I'm going to bother) And I mostly just read the headlines. And it's more stuff to recycle.
But see, than I'd miss stuff like
"Fake private parts are no joke, Myers says"
"Delegate wants to ban vehicle displays of plastic genitals"
Now, I have to admit, I would totally support this squashing of individual freedom -- sure, you have a right to put fake testicles on your truck ('cause that's what they're all up in arms about and if you haven't seen these on the highway, well, lucky you) but you don't have a right to make me have to look at them.
The bill would prohibit motorists from displaying anything resembling or depicting anatomically correct genitals, buttocks, breasts on your vehicle.
So take those tits off your grille right now.
"A hunter could still throw a freshly killed deer in...his pickup...because the...parts would be real."
Yes, that DOES mean that you could tie real testicles to your pickup truck hitch. Ah, America, land of loopholes. (For the record, the newspaper article didn't go there, I went there all on my own. Because that's what I do. There should be a leash law for my brain.)
But they did go on to interview the founder of Your Nutz, a business that sells more than 200 kinds of fake testicles.
(See, right there, that's enough material for me to waste the rest of the morning with. And, see it made me write THAT line, which is set up for...oh, for more hours in a day!)
But to keep things short...This guy, the founder of Your Nutz, and pardon me for being cruel but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that this guy is NOT a paragon of studliness himself....says that we would "...do well to recall that 50 years ago many people in the nation lived on farms. 'Did all the little donkeys and sheep walk around with their panties on so children wouldn't see their bodies?"
Gee, I could get all nitpicky with well, actually, most people didn't have donkeys and sheep on their farms. And if they did, very few of those critters had testicles. Really, just one at a time, and generally speaking, only if we were breeding them.
But, really, why nitpick when you can say "Yo, Mo-Ron! Newsflash. Male donkeys and male sheep actually have testicles naturally. No one was buying fake ones and tacking them on their asses because it was....funny....or cool. (I'm not actually sure WHY you'd put fake testicles on your truck, so I'm just fishing, here.)
Oh, yeah, and TRUCKS DON'T HAVE TESTICLES. They're built, in factories, by robots and human beings.
Dude, I'm guessing that if I stapled lovely neon green plastic breasts on you, you'd look stupid.
So, have a shred of respect for your truck, man, that's all. It's bad enough it's being driven by an a**hole, there's no need to humiliate it further.