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So, I had to fill out a police report – no big deal, someone rifled… - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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[Oct. 16th, 2009|08:56 am]
terribleturnip
So, I had to fill out a police report – no big deal, someone rifled through my unlocked car last night. I don’t know whether they were disgusted by the contents or interrupted, but they didn’t find the place where the things of any worth at all were kept. But still, I wanted to be a good Do-Bee (how many of you are old enough to know what THAT reference is?) so I filed a police report so that if it’s more than just an isolated incident, it will show up as a pattern.

First of all, you can do it on-line, which is really cool. Although the note on the front page: “If the crime is in progress, call 911”, gave me some pause. Really? Does anyone in the entire country NOT know to call 911? Would you really choose to go ONLINE to report a crime in progress?

And then they have a handy-dandy drop down list for “property stolen”, which, frankly, if I didn’t have pressing deadlines, I could have perused for quite some time. Pondering. “Hair Brush/Comb”. I can’t imagine a universe where I would report that. There were plenty of other items that I found amusing, but they were all blown right out of my head when I got to “drugs-narcotics” and “drugs-other” and I’m thinking, would you really report that? And then I thought oh, well, if someone stole Percy’s valium, that’s where you’d…nope, there’s “drugs-prescription”. And “Drug-related paraphernalia."



Wow, I just realized that I have never, ever written paraphernalia in my entire life. I would have spelled it differently. And now I see that my entire family has been pronouncing it wrong. We’ve always said “parapheneelia”. Well, THAT’S embarrassing.

Although not as embarrassing as someone who is so stupid that they report that their bong was stolen. Now I want to go back to the “location” dropdown and see if “Meth Lab” is one of the locations given as an option.

Anyway, yeah, you can report that someone stole your illegal drugs. Which would be ludicrous except that yes, I did happen to catch an episode of Cops (don’t judge me. I have poor person’s cable. And sometimes, there really is NOTHING on. And the Takoma Park Folk Festival station is running a polka band. That I’ve watched already. And I’m too lazy or covered in cats to get off the couch) where some crackhead flags down a cruiser to report that a prostitute he was selling crack to, took his drugs and didn’t pay him. No, really. Not only was this guy an incompetent drug dealer…dude, you get the money first, especially when you’re dealing with crackhead whores. I know that and only Barbara Bush is less likely to become a drug dealer than I am…so not only is he incompetent at his um, job, but he’s actually reporting that a crime was committed in the middle of the crime he was committing.

Ooooh. My brain hurts. This is why I never give a cop shit. I mean, okay, there’s the whole, armed with gun, taser, handcuffs and practiced in the art of “subduing miscreants” thing. And I’m very goal-oriented, so if I’m pulled over for speeding, or for cutting off a cop by wandering into his lane as I take a corner (yes, I did), and they want to scream at me, lecture me, harangue me…I know that if I wait it out, and am nothing but completely polite and respectful, let them vent their spleen, say their piece, I may well get away with just a warning, or at any rate, a much lesser fine than if give lip. And it has certainly worked thus far in my life.

But really – and maybe it’s because I was in retail/service, so I know the pain of dealing with the public. And MY public, for the most part, was washed, reasonable dental hygiene and were NOT whacked out on drugs or trying to kill me.

So, remember that, the next time a cop is giving you a hard time. For all you know, he or she has spent the day so far dealing with people so stupid that they would report that someone stole their meth. Pulling over women who packed their child on the roof in a box. Having to wrestle down some crazy drunk wandering around in traffic who promptly repays the favor by throwing up and passing out in the back of the cruiser. And now, you go zooming by them in your late model car, that does not smell of homeless people, drug addicts and vomit, and he or she pulls you over because you were BREAKING THE LAW and you start to give them BS. Maybe you cry, maybe you have excuses, maybe you want to argue with them because you think the speed limit should be 45 mph, not 35. Dude, you’re lucky they just don’t punch you. I would. And if you mouthed off again, I’d tase your ass. No, wait, you might report me then. I’d have to patrol with an illegal gun and a bag of lime in the trunk of my cruiser.

Let’s all be glad that I chose a different career path, m’okay?
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2009-10-16 01:25 pm (UTC)
I'm always entertained by the fact that wherever your posts start out, they're going to end in a completely different place.
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2009-10-16 01:47 pm (UTC)
Honey you could give Jeff Foxworthy a run for his money. Considering you're a Yankee that's high praise indeed.

I've been watching Conspiracy all week because I'm tired of watching the world end each day you know?

Then again if I was watching COPS, the world ending probably wouldn't seem like a bad idea.

btw- I'm nice to police officers because my uncle told me if he ever caught me breaking the law, he'd bare my ass in public and spank me.

He probably would've too --- I was too smart to test those waters .........
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2009-10-16 01:51 pm (UTC)
...if he ever caught me breaking the law, he'd bare my ass in public and spank me.

This explains you sassing that trooper last week with the Marlboro hanging out your mouth...
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: sestree
2009-10-16 01:58 pm (UTC)
what can I say - handcuffs and paddling - good times. You pick your vice and I'll pick mine.

*snicker*
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[User Picture]From: queenmaggie
2009-10-16 01:47 pm (UTC)
Points for the romper room reference.
And it IS amazing what a case of cat-lap will make you watch.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2009-10-17 12:45 pm (UTC)
"Cat-lap!" LOL!
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[User Picture]From: chellebelle74
2009-10-16 02:42 pm (UTC)
::raises hand:: I'm a good Do-Bee. Romper Room was one of my favorites.

And here's another one to add to the stupid drug dealer collection - I saw a 911 transcript aired on a local TV station newscast (Fox 45, I think? Maybe?) wherein a drug dealer called in about his stolen something. I can't remember what, but it was not drug related. So far, so good. Nothing stupid - YET. While on the phone with the police dispatcher, the drug dealer starts and completes a drug sale, and the whole proceeding was caught on 911 tape for posterity. Yeah. That's one of our own home-grown idiots right there.
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2009-10-16 03:16 pm (UTC)
This is why I never give a cop shit. I mean, okay, there’s the whole, armed with gun, taser, handcuffs and practiced in the art of “subduing miscreants” thing. And I’m very goal-oriented, so if I’m pulled over for speeding, or for cutting off a cop by wandering into his lane as I take a corner (yes, I did), and they want to scream at me, lecture me, harangue me…I know that if I wait it out, and am nothing but completely polite and respectful, let them vent their spleen, say their piece, I may well get away with just a warning, or at any rate, a much lesser fine than if give lip. And it has certainly worked thus far in my life.

Dude. I'm really tempted to ask my mom and if you are really my sister 'cause not only is this exactly my attitude re: cops, but I have done those things. Yes, I cut off a cop. Yes, a cop once lectured me. (two separate incidents BTW, and both THIS YEAR!) And both times I got a warning.

My mom was in the car during the lecture and she was appalled at the cop's attitude and I said, "Oh Mom, he's a PG officer. He deals with idiots who give him lip all day long. He probably expected the same thing from me." (But I thanked God my dog wasn't in the car with us at the time.)
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[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2009-10-17 12:49 pm (UTC)
Here I am cruising LJ when I should be packing like a maniac for this festival in Portsmouth we didn't know we had until yesterday and I see your post. Whew. Thanks, I need that laugh!
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