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terribleturnip

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Hunger... [Jan. 26th, 2010|04:29 pm]
terribleturnip
In case you were wondering,

The answer to the question: "Can Meredith eat pistachios past the point of pain, lips splitting and dehydrated from licking the salt off the outside, tongue worn raw from holding the shell and fishing out the nut, teeth all jammed up with slivers of shell from cracking them, fingers even starting to shrivel from salt exposure, belly roll straining against spandex?"

Well, duh. Of course. Is yes. Resoundingly. Embarrassingly.

You could back me into a corner right now by just waving a lemon wedge in my general direction.

It's so frustrating. Because I KNOW how to lose weight. I can eyeball a proper portion size from 40 paces. I know calorie counts of most common foodstuffs and many unusual ones. You could give me a quiz on making good food choices and I will be in the 99th percentile without breaking a mental sweat.

But my mouth is the most sneaking, conniving, controlling, willful beast ever. Jabba the Hut was Milquetoast compared to my mouth.

That's why I have to laugh at all of the diet aids that promise to control the hunger -- with Hunger this little beasty that needs to be tamed.

I didn't get to be near 200 pounds becauseI was hungry. I got to be this big because I have turned my mouth into a bratty ten year old who gets whatever she wants.

Time to get out the choke chain and shock collars.

(Disclaimer: I would never treat a dog the way I treat my mouth. Although, I suspect if I ever met a dog that was anything like my mouth, I'd probably euthanize it, so as to not waste a perfectly good home on a sociopath.)
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2010-01-26 10:05 pm (UTC)
Read the right way, that second paragraph is downright erotic...
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2010-01-26 11:26 pm (UTC)
I didn't get to be near 200 pounds becauseI was hungry. I got to be this big because I have turned my mouth into a bratty ten year old who gets whatever she wants.

Mine has it's tantrum whenever pizza could be around, or a pizza commercial, or the thought of mozzarella...well you get the drift.

Of course you can't have pizza without beer and ... damn I just ate and I'm wanting PIZZA (and bad beer).

Would it help to say we love you just the way you are? splintered teeth, shriveled fingers and all?
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[User Picture]From: majorchaos
2010-01-27 02:25 am (UTC)
I hate pistachios much the same way as you..
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[User Picture]From: bittibuddha
2010-01-27 08:46 am (UTC)

without a shred of yummy crunchy, salty irony

i've always thought that locking bratty 10 year olds in a closet was an appropriate form of parenting, so this is why its best that I did not actually have children of my own.

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From: kudrasslipper
2010-01-27 03:09 pm (UTC)
Ah-HA! So *THIS* is how I get you over to my house! A carefully placed trail of pistachios.
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Ah-HA! So *THIS* is how I get you over to my house! A carefully placed trail of pistachios. <insert evil, maniacal laugh here>
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[User Picture]From: chellebelle74
2010-01-27 03:39 pm (UTC)
Your mouth and mine must be twins separated at birth. I too know all about proper portion size, calorie counts, appropriate balance between good carbs, fat, protein, yadda yadda yadda.... And yet... Well, you've seen my thighs and belly and ass. I know it's not a pretty sight. Damn bratty mouth...
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[User Picture]From: sequinedlovenun
2010-01-27 06:31 pm (UTC)

and again, with feeling....

yer preachin ta the choir, sister.
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[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2010-01-28 03:40 am (UTC)
If you want to change this, try EFT. It's free and it works.

www.emofree.com

If you don't, I love the writing so keep on keeping on! I love you no matter what size, shape, hue or orientation our bodies are and food is GOOD.
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