?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Hump Day Flotsam and Jetsam - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Hump Day Flotsam and Jetsam [Mar. 4th, 2010|11:07 am]
terribleturnip
I know, I'm supposed to think "Hump Day" and giggle dirtily...she said "hump". But every time someone says Hump Day, I see a whale. Every time.



Keira Knightley, Ricky Gervais, David Bowie. I'm sure you can think of others. But they all have noticeably long canine teeth. Does England have some kind of bloodline going on that REALLY jumpstarted the vampire thing? Running around with that "found under a rock" complexion, slaughtering natives, chuckling jovially and drinking ruby port, grinning with those preternaturally long canines...just a thought. But while I'm there...someone tie down Keira Knightley and make her eat a potato. For crying out loud, her knee caps are GROSS. Gross.

I know that weevils are terrible pests, but they are some of the most beautiful bugs I've ever seen. First the long snout, that's fabulous with the little beedy eyes, and the antenna at the END of the snout. Those little leafy feet. And they all look handpainted. I'll wait, while you google. I'm not doing your work for you. Use "pachyrrhynchus" or "curculionidae" to find pretty ones. I'll be here when you get back.

I came across a picture on FB of Willow. It's still fresh. Which has me worried, as I alternate loving Percy and thinking "Still? Really, still breathing? Dude, I've got vacation plans later this summer that don't involve boarding you. Especially since you can't get up and down the stairs at your usual summer camp." I'm hoping that the mad swirl of grief and relief will cancel each other out and I'll be so busy picking out new flooring and furniture to fall apart.

Your voicemail ever get so full that you don't even have time to wade through all of the messages that are no longer relevant, which means that the pile grows and then you have to waste a whole freaking HOUR listening to them? No? Well, don't, because it sucks.

Despite the fact that handmade steamed dumplings would SEEM not very fattening, since you got them steamed, not pan-fried, and chose mostly vegetable heavy options...if you are cow enough to eat a dozen of them, you will negate last week's weight loss completely. Expletive.

After watching Wanda Sykes last night, Sick and Tired, I have decided that she remains on my "which five people you'd want to be marooned on a desert island with". (Assuming I'm choosing for company and not for survival skills, although I suspect she'd do what needed to be done, even if it was icky.) Seriously, I feel like a pale, shadowy version of her -- a very similar sense of humor, just lacking in melatonin and performance skill to a large degree. I would have eaten that kid, too. Although I might not have waited until the plane landed. Which is why she's damn funny and I'm weird funny.

I'm still not quite in the "acceptance" stage of mourning for ability to ever walk normally again. I'm seriously considering getting t-shirts that say "please don't mention the expletive-in-gerund-form limp" to protect people from my unreasonable wrath. I'm from New England, just ignore it; I am.

Although I have a "marooned on a desert island list", I've never had The List. (You know, the list of people that, if you were to meet and have the opportunity to have sex with, your partner would give you a free ride. Mind you, The List is for people you are unlikely to ever meet, and even more unlikely to have a chance to bonk. But you each get to pick a few.) I've never felt the need to have a List...mostly because, in general, I'm not attracted to anyone who isn't attracted to me first. And famous is repulsive to me. But I will make an exception for Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs. Because he's good looking, funny as hell, while still being respectful of others, plus, after what he's been through, stepping into cat puke on the way to the bed won't faze him.
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: sestree
2010-03-04 04:16 pm (UTC)
Which reminds me - did Brad hit the pee pads or did you have to swat him with a rolled up newspaper?

How a simple conversation could be so easily seen from another direction is one of my faults talents well its what makes me me.

...and that entire convo was just too funny -- from my perspective anyway :)

I owe you - big time :D

Edited at 2010-03-04 04:16 pm (UTC)
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2010-03-04 04:25 pm (UTC)
Your voicemail ever get so full that you don't even have time to wade through all of the messages that are no longer relevant, which means that the pile grows and then you have to waste a whole freaking HOUR listening to them? No? Well, don't, because it sucks.

This, more than anything else, is what finally converted me to texting. I can read and delete a helluva lot faster than it takes most people to get to the point.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: sequinedlovenun
2010-03-04 05:23 pm (UTC)
I've stopped listening to mine entirely. Anyone who wants to reach me just texts anyway. Vmail is the divil.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: bittibuddha
2010-03-04 05:32 pm (UTC)
I wonder if you have a longer list of "Celebrities and the Foods I Want Them to Eat" to supplement your musing about the freakishly elongated Ms. Knightly and the aforementioned tuber?
(Reply) (Thread)