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terribleturnip

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Things weren't hard enough [May. 25th, 2010|08:11 am]
terribleturnip
And now I have to be insanely jealous of this author:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/05/sneaky-hate-spiral.html

I have in my drafts, something along this line -- although my analogies were more in the bumper car/soapbox derby car vein.

And then to top it she writes "the emotional variation of sand". Sigh. Perfect.

From an earlier post: "If you're in a relationship, sometimes you probably feel like you're fighting a caged death-match with an invisible spider monkey. And the monkey is rabid. And you don't have any legs. And then a buffalo jumps in there and starts head-butting everything and your face catches on fire and there is a general atmosphere of chaos."

Not a reflection on my own relationships, but still, I feel like she was in my brain rummaging around and took the scraps I've been saving because I just can't bring myself to throw away, even though I can't do anything with them, since the last time I stitched them together, it looked like something a kindergartener high on paste put together and she made something beautiful.

Which may be an odd thing to say about prose that has invisisble rabid spider monkeys, but love and jealousy for other writers is odd-tinged, to say the least. Damn her.

I want to surround myself with these people who wield words and craft paragraphs the way a five star chef plates a meal. Throw us all on a lovely tropical island so that we can sit by the pool together, drink fancy cocktails and try to outcompete each other's self-deprecation.

Ah, who am I kidding? Two days in, in a fit of jealous rage, I'd drown them and barbecue them, hoping that if I couldn't eat their talent, at least I could reduce the competition.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2010-05-25 12:29 pm (UTC)
I'm still trying to find the opportunity where I can use the phrase, "He rose to the top like a cat turd in a glass of champagne."
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2010-05-25 01:47 pm (UTC)
Honey are you still slamming the shrub?

:D

My favorite I've never been able to use is "if someone was shoving silver dollars up your ass you'd complain because you can't make change"

No, even my family isn't funny except by accident :D
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[User Picture]From: kiltboy
2010-05-25 12:36 pm (UTC)
Jealous rage & Barbecue sauce, I love it. I'm so naming my band that.

Your talent for writing is one I'm jealous of. So take that.
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[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2010-05-26 12:20 am (UTC)
Yes- ditto what kiltboy said and double it because I'm so envious of humor. I'm only funny accidentally. Oh, well. At least people laugh at me!
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[User Picture]From: fountaingirl
2010-05-25 12:54 pm (UTC)
"Hey asshole! You think you're better than me? Are you also better than fire?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAAA
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[User Picture]From: mistressfetch
2010-05-25 01:13 pm (UTC)
Ummmmm this is made of awesomesauce! I'm so printing out her pictures and putting them all over my Dilbert Cube, otherwise known as my office :-)
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2010-05-25 01:45 pm (UTC)
LOVE HER !

I'm always jealous because face it - I'm better with numbers.

The only time I'm funny is by accident ;)
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2010-05-25 09:04 pm (UTC)
I have expressed this exact same thought* to poor Glenn after he made the mistake of asking me how my day was.

According to the comments, this has become universal. So instead of leading lives of quiet desperation, our lives are full of petty and cumulative annoyances? Sad, and not as poetic.


* Minus the vocabulary, hilarity, and all-around entertainment value. The best I've been able to do is compare it to being pecked to death by ducks.
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