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Yes, I DO have avuncular toilets - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Yes, I DO have avuncular toilets [Aug. 5th, 2010|08:19 am]
terribleturnip
So, last time I had the plumber in, I had him look at the toilet in the basement, which was leaking a bit, and normally I'd just put in a new flapper but I didn't recognize the mechanism inside the toilet, so...what the heck, once the plumber's there....

Well, apparently the toilet is SO old that it the work involved in replacing the near-historical artifact (for American, anyway) that was the flushing do-hickey...it would be cheaper to replace the toilet. So, I thought, well, we'll just turn the water off there, so it doesn't leak anymore and I'll get around to that.

And then the downstairs toilet began to refuse to flush. And then it refused in a spectacular, ugly kind of way, that involved screaming, cursing and a bottle of bleach. And since the lid was cracked, it too was old, and really, to do a good job snaking it, you have to take the toilet off the ring...I thought, screw it, I'll have the plumber replace both of them. And while he's at it, replace the one upstairs -- also old, also stained, and a true water hog.

Which is just about the time the Captain got laid off. Of course.

When times are tight, I save the credit cards for the emergencies, so we just dealt with having one toilet, while I painstakingly set aside some money each month -- even though the plumber gave me the name of an inexpensive, but high-functioning toilet that was only going to set me back a little over a hundred bucks -- still, we were talking three. Plus giving the whole stack a routing all the way out to the street, since I'm suspicious of the giant tree in our front yard and wanted to make sure it hadn't infiltrated the exit pipe.

(My tree, thankfully, is completely innocent and I regret ever having accused it of misdeeds and pipe invasion. Now, please don't drop a big ol' branch on the house in retaliation, 'kay?)

So, it's been a couple of annoying months: sending visitors up to the Floor of Major Squalor to use that bathroom, needing to time our morning and evening ablutions so that, well, no one died. And it's silly, really, because I grew up with one toilet for four people. I remember neighbors who had a bath and a half...oooooh, what a dream! And the Grunbecks, they had two whole bathrooms. Of course, ten children, I suppose that WAS a matter of life or death.

But finally, big wad of cash in hand, it was time. And it took near all day, but Vi-Ola, we had three brand new spanking toilets. We could pee on ANY FLOOR OF THE HOUSE.

Hm. Okay, technically speaking we could pee on any floor of the house at any time during the whole process...and the aged dogs DID, which explains why the Captain is assiduously pulling up carpeting as we speak. But you know what I mean.

And it's been lovely. Really. My bladder has zero patience but is strangely inhibited about doing to work while someone else is taking a shower. Now I can just skip downstairs!

But what I wasn't prepared for, was how damn jolly the new toilets are. The old ones were narrow, upright, stiff and cornery. The new ones are all fat-bellied, rounded and frankly, look damn happy to see me.

It's been a hellish couple of weeks for many reasons; but I'm glad I have my avuncular toilets to remind me that you need to take joy wherever you can find it. Even in a toilet.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: im_geva
2010-08-05 12:28 pm (UTC)
I'm naming my band Avuncular Toilets. Right after I look up the meaning of avuncular...
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[User Picture]From: fountaingirl
2010-08-05 01:04 pm (UTC)
And your first album must be titled "Infiltrating the Exit Pipe."
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2010-08-05 02:38 pm (UTC)
Sorry—I got there first.
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[User Picture]From: skivee
2010-08-07 06:34 am (UTC)
You think that "Zero Patience Bladders" should be considered as well.
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2010-08-05 12:32 pm (UTC)
*grin* Good on you on the toidies. Since you're a toddler like me (OMG water running, off to do business, did you go before we left, cold feet, dishwasher running, just because have not gone in the last 15 minutes) I couldn't imagine just having one functioning bathroom - not without pyllgrum going outside to pee on a bush.

I didn't know about the Cap'n. :( Hugs for both of you (but 'specially you cuz I have a thing about hot german blondes LOL)

Edited at 2010-08-05 12:32 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: pyllgrum
2010-08-05 12:48 pm (UTC)
As an uncle, I resent the "fat-bellied, rounded" adjectival link to avuncular.
But I am happy you are sitting in a good mood.
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[User Picture]From: fountaingirl
2010-08-05 01:04 pm (UTC)
I have toilet envy.
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[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2010-08-07 01:34 am (UTC)
I have writer's envy.
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[User Picture]From: skivee
2010-08-07 06:26 am (UTC)

We could pee on ANY FLOOR OF THE HOUSE.

And yet when I did that you said I'd ruined the dinner party
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