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Once a week postings? It's like we're married.... - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Once a week postings? It's like we're married.... [Sep. 17th, 2010|10:47 am]
terribleturnip
Apologies for yet another rambling, disjointed posting. I just don’t have enough room in my life to really run and play with ANY topic. Which makes me really angry....but I’m not going to turn green here at work. My cube is already a mess.



You think you are clumsy, you think you are graceless? I cut the side of my mouth while flossing yesterday. Not paying attention, slid off a tooth and took out the corner of my mouth. There are some things I can do with delicacy and precision, but it’s a very, very small list. Taking out stitches, administering first aid, handling animals and certain acts that will not be mentioned in front of the children...those use up every shred of delicate I own.

Some days, as I stand there with my eyes closed, fondling facial tissues, I think that I have a very, very strange job.

Other days, I sit in a meeting room with the people who run Hospitality Giant’s global procurement operations and are in charge of entire continentsworth of properties and for a little while I think “oooh, look at me, all of these giants of industry want to hear what I have to say” and then after another thirty minutes, I find myself thinking “dude, no, what are you an idiot? How the hell does she even manage to get out of bed in the morning? No, seriously, it’s not a conspiracy, it’s called climate change and it’s happening. Girl, quit flipping that hair around, you look like an idiot.” My respect is fleeting and must be earned continuously.

Admittedly, when the phrases “split up into break-out groups”, “flip-charts” and “report back out to the larger group” are uttered, I get contentious anyway. Then, VP of Importance says “we have four flip charts, so we’ll have four groups, so we’ll go around the room and count off 1 to 6, because there will be about six people in the group, although that will leave some people extra, so just move to one of the groups.” “Oh, and since you’re sitting with colleagues, maybe some of you could switch groups to mix it up a bit. I’ll let you guys figure it out.”

One to Six? Did you never go to middle school? One to Four, you moron. That mixes up the group AND everyone knows where to go. Plus, I don’t care who you’re talking about, capable adults are entirely incapable of re-arranging themselves for diversity. Ten minutes of milling around while people tried to figure out which 1-6 group they belonged to, and then which flipchart was theirs and....

And then half of my teammates couldn’t remember the freaking objectives. Well, yes, that’s a good idea, but we’re supposed to be addressing the sustainability of the global supply chain here and that really addresses SOMETHING ELSE AND WE ONLY HAVE 20 MINUTES SO PLEASE TRY TO FOCUS, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S HOLY. That last part was mostly in my head. Mostly.

Hey, it’s been a hard week. Long hours, lots of afterhours schmoozing with said powermongers, plus 7am meetings followed by 7pm dinner meetings. That whole “being nice thing” I promised last week...I may have to fall off the wagon.

Aaah, Penn State Proud:

http://failblog.org/2010/09/16/epic-fail-photos-dorm-life-fail/

(yes, I know it’s faked, but as an alum and a former RA, it still makes me chuckle. After all, my RA my freshman year put a note up in our bathroom that read “One of you has crabs. I found one crawling on my bar of soap. You need to go get checked out. That’s gross.” If we had the technology then to paste the school logo on it, she would have. And you can see how, anti-social as I am, I thought I’d make a good RA. And I did. In the anti-social dorm area...of course.)

Although despite being a Nittany Lion, football never was able to crack my “professional sports = the boring” façade. After all, when I think of what was enjoyable about football at Penn State, what I come up with was: the money I made selling my tickets two out of the three years; the tailgating; the drinking; Joepa’s awful choice in pants. So, when a supplier recently got all excited about me going out to Wisconsin for a plant tour, he wanted me to schedule it for a certain day because they had the skybox at some football game that weekend (whatever team the Cheeseheads show up at) so I could come in early to watch the game. Oh hells no. You don’t get to eat one of my weekend days; especially not to watch a football game. Yes, yes, the skybox is fun. Child of a liquor salesman, I spent my formative years in the skybox, in the VIP tent, at the football and baseball games, at the car races, at the steeplechases, at the...admittedly sober due to my age, but still. When I said I couldn’t get free that weekend, he offered tickets to another game, at another time.

And that’s when I finally had to confess my shameful businessperson handicap: I don’t golf, I don’t hunt, and the only sports event I enjoy watching is polo. Honestly, if it weren’t for my sense of humor, foul mouth and ability to drink hard, I’d be a complete professional failure. And, of course, that’s also why I have to stay in the food industry, last bastion of inappropriate professional behavior.

Yesterday would have been my 19th wedding anniversary if we’d stayed together. I only remember because last year, I was sitting in the living room on the window bench and looking across at my ex and my current, sitting next to each other on the couch, all jammed up together because Percy was on the couch with them, laying his head on the current’s lap, both of the guys covered in cats, and it was then that I realized that it would have been our 18th anniversary and wasn’t that sort of an odd coincidence. But I mostly use the anniversary to remind myself that although I would probably be financially better off if I’d gotten out the lawyer-knives and been all aggressive and woman wronged...I am far richer in friends and support networks, so it was a good choice. Because life is too short for the bitter and resentment. And it’s way more fulfilling to unleash that sh*t on complete strangers.

My last work obligation for the week – our monthly team lunch – has been moved from Old Country Buffet to a Chinese restaurant. I could weep for joy. Not that the Chinese restaurant is that good. But it doesn’t have a sneeze guard. My life’s goal is to never have to eat anyplace with a sneeze guard. If you’ve suggested a restaurant that has one, and I show up...I hope you get how much I enjoy your company.

A thank you note to JackFM for playing “I wanna be sedated”. I was all wallowing in exhausted and feeling beaten and stressed out. There is no room for self-pity and the Ramones in the same car.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: bittibuddha
2010-09-17 02:56 pm (UTC)

Old Country Buffet, Golen Corral, KB Cafeterias

you know? Last night I devised a plan to photodocument regional all-you-can eat buffets (the sneezeguards, the food offerings, and photos of their representative clientele) as an interesting social commentary.

among other things.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2010-09-17 03:01 pm (UTC)

Re: Old Country Buffet, Golen Corral, KB Cafeterias

I will be your roadie, if we can stop someplace to eat afterwards...
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[User Picture]From: bittibuddha
2010-09-17 03:12 pm (UTC)

Re: Old Country Buffet, Golen Corral, KB Cafeterias

right on. You pick the place - hopefully it will be something I can spell.
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2010-09-17 04:58 pm (UTC)

Sign FAIL

It's semen, not "seman." ::sigh::

I had no idea there was such a thing as Nittany Lions, and when my cousin's husband named their puppy Nittany I was rather confused, thinking that it was some strange version of the name Brittany, and why on earth would you name your labrador retriever a cutesy-wootsey purse dog name like that? Thankfully I kept those thoughts to myself until I learned better. (Yeah, sometimes that really does happen.)
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2010-09-17 05:02 pm (UTC)

Re: Sign FAIL

Actually, it might have been "seamen." Maybe they put up a battalion of Navy cadets for a week. ;D
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2010-09-17 05:14 pm (UTC)

Re: Sign FAIL

Nothing clogs a drain like couple of ROTCs! That's why I was glad to be the RA for the agronomy and forestry guys: access to woodchippers and turf peelers. Ha, never made THAT mistake again...
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2010-09-17 05:21 pm (UTC)
Nothing clogs a drain like couple of ROTCs!

Should I ask how you know this?
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2010-09-17 06:38 pm (UTC)
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