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terribleturnip

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Thursday Shorts [Jan. 20th, 2011|04:17 pm]
terribleturnip
Dear Applicant. Call me shallow, but the fact that your resume includes the phrase "ogistical details" makes me call every single one of your qualifications into question. Some errors are hard to spot in a resume, I get that. There/they're, punctuation...but seriously, there had to have been a red squiggly line under "ogistical" and you blew it off. I might have forgiven you...but then I got to your "Volunteer and Charitable affiliations" and you listed Kiva and Member of Friends of the National Zoo. Look, darling, writing a check or clicking on a paypal button does not really count as a charitable affiliation, and definitely not as a volunteer. If it's not weighty...leave it off. If you didn't stand for hours in all sorts of weather ticking off a box every time the Golden Tamarin scratched itself, or explained for the billionth time to some third grader that no, it isn't REAL rhino poop, but it's a model of the real thing...then you ain't a volunteer. Volunteer means you dragged your ass somewhere and did something. Plus you have an awful lot of "fashion" things listed on your resume, which makes me suspect you are pretty and dress well. Some day we may laugh about this, in the future, when we're colleagues, but so far I suspect that day won't come.



I passed by a community that had one of those big giant signs announcing that it was A Community out front. I plan on never living anyplace that has such a sign, if possible. Especially since they're always named after the charming or historical or otherwise aesthetically valuable feature that was destroyed to make room for said community. But this sign said "Generic Community Name, Rockville, USA."

USA? Really? Crap. I really have to update my GPS, I wound up in the wrong country again. People. C'mon, we're not even CLOSE to a border. I think it's safe to assume that it's pretty much USA in any direction you head. For DAYS.

It's now been over a month since I started tracking all of my "cash" expenditures -- things that don't get paid via a bill or auto-withdraw -- tracking them weekly, each one in my little brown book. It's going splendidly well - I'm not cheating or falling behind in keeping track, which is usually what happens by now...the pile of "oh, I'll write that down later receipts" is not really a pile, just one or two tucked into the book at any point in time. Admittedly, I have traffic and traffic lights to thank for that. If I honk at you, it's just that the Ford's horn is way more sensitive and doesn't take kindly to crossed "T"s. And since Target, Petco, PetsMart, Trader Joes and Giant are most common stops...

But even better -- the games with my head continue. $25 under the food budget last week, whoo-hoo! But more importantly, today I returned some paper plates I'd bought for the event we did last week. Now, normally, I wouldn't even bother returning a single $4.99 item. Wouldn't be worth the time and effort and heck, EVENTUALLY I'd use them. Except I've realized that my house is FILLED with EVENTUAL. And I really need to just stay focused on the RIGHT NOW. I did do the cost-benefit analysis - gas and time vs. return. But since I was going to be at Petco (honk!) and Party City was across the street, I went for it.

And you know what? Now I have $5.29 that is OFF THE FREAKING GRID! It came out of last week's budget. Now, Sestree would come up with a fancy way of accounting for it...or even my only-9-credits-in-accounting, but plenty-of-bookkeeping-experience brain knows that I should just debit it from my grocery budget. But I performed a behavior that I have been resistant to in the past and any dog trainer knows that the clicker isn't enough -- THAT deserves a LIVERBIT! Of course Liverbits make me gag, so I'm just going to go with putting it in my Stupid Money envelope, to blow on some future stupid thing. Because when you budget, you still need to have an outlet for the Stupid purchase now and then.

And of course, I sent this directly to MistressFetch, but still need to share. If I didn't think it would offend co-workers, I'd have this poster-size in my office.
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2011/01/start_your_day_with_an_inspira.php

On a more serious note, Kiltboy asked about internet time-wasters -- where could he go when he had time to spare and wanted to burn it in front of a screen. With his hands on top of the desk. I share the funny usually -- and Mental Floss is always good for blowing off some time yet still stretching your mind. But here's my favorite: www.ted.com, a recent moving one: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/tony_porter_a_call_to_men.html, where you can get lost for days, but it's not really time wasted, I think. It's like going to conference and being able to pick only the best speakers. You may not always agree, but you WILL think.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2011-01-20 10:21 pm (UTC)
She listed Kiva for volunteer work?

Er, Kiva is a band, not a nonprofit organization. If she volunteered for Kiva, then she's either not skilled enough to be a paid performer but she was still willing for the chance to be onstage with them, or she didn't want to shell out $15 for admission to a concert so she sold cookies at intermission to get in for free.

I know, you already know this. I'm just mouthing off.
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2011-01-20 10:23 pm (UTC)

Oops

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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2011-01-21 03:30 am (UTC)

Re: Oops

I'm glad you discovered this before I had to tell you.






Folkie
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[User Picture]From: dreamtigress
2011-01-20 11:15 pm (UTC)
'Round about the part about the LIVERBITS, I began that hyperventilating giggle that makes me sound like a wheezing donkey.

Thank you.
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2011-01-20 11:29 pm (UTC)
Call if Off Budget Savings

:)

as opposed to off budget spending?

Or better yet - Found Moneys. I'm trying to remember what our returns were called at CCL. I think we just netted it against the outlaw for that particular category. I like Found Moneys though. Sounds like you were rifling in the sofa cushions.

Either way it's an asset baby !
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2011-01-20 11:33 pm (UTC)

Volunteerism

:D another nonsensical word to torture your brain.

I used to HATE reading resumes from people who listed Red Cross as their charitable affiliation. Nope - donating a few canned goods is NOT volunteer.

It was extra funny when they listed the years that I was the unpaid assistant Chapter Executive. ummm no I didn't see you filing sandbags, just what were you doing during the bloodmobile? oh really ... how many emergency military calls did you have to take for families?

hehe

Or even better - Project Deserve. Sure. We had SO many volunteers - that's why I represented 3 friggin counties on the board. Because everyone wants to drive all the way out to bumfuck Independence KS to attend a boring meeting you don't get paid for.

Yeah right.

[falls off soapbox]
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[User Picture]From: kiltboy
2011-01-21 01:31 am (UTC)
I always surf with my hands on top of the desk. Moving the mouse across my lap doesn't work very well. Anywho..

I've been meaning to check out the TED thing for months, as I've seen many folks post about it. I just never remember to check it when I get home. And currently, it's the next tab over, so I'm off to check it out. With both hands above the desk. Maybe.
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[User Picture]From: giantsloth
2011-01-21 01:54 pm (UTC)
That Tony Porter TED thing was pretty good. Now is the time of year when I see the most ridiculous man-box/man-card commercials, because even though I don't follow football anymore I will still watch some NFL playoff games. And boy, are those commercials ridiculous.
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From: (Anonymous)
2011-01-22 05:39 pm (UTC)

Sestree and Vollunteerism .......from the rocketerr.rrr......

"...filing sandbags"....? I'm thinkin' that would require some seriously impressive cabinets. :)
Yea, i know I spelled volunttttteereere whrong two.
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