|A Letter to my fellow drivers
||[Jun. 5th, 2007|08:28 am]
|||||Bobby Bland, St. James Infirmary||]|
Look, I know, it sucks to be in the far right hand lane and suddenly see that the left turn you needed to make is....right there!
But you know what? You screwed up. Just you. You weren't paying attention. You forgot that you had to go to Safeway. Or maybe the pinhead who gave you directions screwed up the distance. Or maybe you can write a hostile letter to Mapquest. In any case, none of those people are driving on the road with you at this moment.
DO NOT endanger my life and the lives of several other people on the road by attempting to cross three lanes of traffic to make that turn. WE didn't make you screw up, so stop ruining my day just because you have an impulse problem or for some bizarre reason think that the roads of the Washington, DC metro area have suddenly emptied out of traffic and you can do as you will. Because of course, the rest of us don't have schedules to keep, kids screaming in the back seat, burritos dropping in our laps and we should be ready at a heartbeat to slam on the brakes and yield OUR three lanes of business so that you can get to Safeway despite an abject failure on your part to plan for it.
Here's a secret: You can actually proceed to the next intersection, calmly moving over and TURN THE HELL AROUND.
It's true. You will not turn into a pumpkin. You will not get a brain tumor. The 30 seconds this safe maneuver takes from your day will not inescapably alter the world's future and create a horrible end for all mankind.
Really. I do it all of the time. Whether you, like me, spend those 30 seconds cursing a blue streak for being an idiot and blistering the finish off of your dashboard...well, that's up to you; it calms me, but your mileage may vary.