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terribleturnip

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Forgot One [Sep. 20th, 2012|03:26 pm]
terribleturnip
While I'm waiting for some systems here at work to reboot (because twice a year they need to do this and inevitably, despite warning me, despite me planning, there I am, needing nothing more than to access that data...NOW)

I forgot an item on the Geezer's Survival Guide to Renaissance Faires, maybe because it's not such a geezer thing, necessarily. I was reminded last night when I picked up my spray bottle of cheap vodka and heavily spritzed my bodice (you non-renfaire people can think corset and you're sort of close, aka, thing that cannot be easily washed and is not cheap to dry clean, but if you spend any time at a renaissance faire, you sweat like a turkey on the day before Thanksgiving).

Anyway, spritzing my bodice with cheap vodka, getting a wee buzz from inhaling it, then being shocked out of the buzz when the excess hits the place on the tender inside of my arm that I nailed with the cat claw scissors. (Pushkin, after years of happily getting his toenails clipped, now becomes avenging hell cat, and since he's sixteen pounds of compact muscularity, when he erupts in a ball of fury and I'm trying to get one last nail done, well, trust me, taking a chunk out of the inside of your arm seems like a reasonable possibility.) Anyway, that really hurt when I did it, and it hurt even more when I sprayed vodka on it.

But that's another hint -- have an item of clothing that's difficult to clean but it may be a bit...sniffy? Cheap vodka will kill the bacteria and once it's dry, you're good to go and stink it up again.

But be sure you label the bottle -- or you'll come home and your mother who's visiting will say "I know you like all that NATURAL stuff (because only my Mom can pronounce "Natural" in such a way that it sounds profoundly UNNATURAL and deviant) but honestly I tried to clean off your counters while you were gone (by which she means how can you live in such a sty) and let me tell you, it's not very good at all."

"Mom, that's because you were spraying the counters with vodka."

Which sounds like your Mom's an idiot until you have to start explaining why you have a spray bottle of vodka and let me tell you, you'd better have some stinkerrific clothes hanging around to demonstrate because she is totally NOT going to believe you and then will ruin your visit together by giving you the Look every time you pour yourself a glass of wine.

So, clearly mark the bottle "Vodka for Clothing". And don't spray it on open wounds. Unless you're driving and falling asleep and then it works great, but since I'm probably the only person who is guaranteed to have some scrape or papercut 365 days a year, maybe you shouldn't take that hint.

Plus you think explaining the vodka spray bottle to your mother is hard? Try explaining it to the state trooper who just pulled you and your car full of atomized vodka over.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: russell_moore
2012-09-20 07:50 pm (UTC)
"But that's another hint -- have an item of clothing that's difficult to clean but it may be a bit...sniffy? Cheap vodka will kill the bacteria and once it's dry, you're good to go and stink it up again."


well, that's a tip I never heard of before ... but maybe because guys are known to be stinky and women sometimes just throw up their hands in disgust rather than divulge secret bodice remedies on people they look down upon as hairy sweaty and indifferent to such advice

and while men's dublettes are not as intimately in contact with our bodies in the way a bodice is to the womenfolk, they can still collect some stench ... my chosen anti-stench product of choice has been fresh linen Febreeze, which mostly works ... but the spray vodka thing sounds interesting
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2012-09-20 07:56 pm (UTC)
I'm namin' my band "Atomized Vodka."
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[User Picture]From: im_geva
2012-09-21 01:26 am (UTC)

See? Another reason I love VODKA!

You can't do this with your stinking rum, now can ya?

Many years ago I did my trivia gig at a bar with an outside space. Tiki bar, if you will. And of course they had their fair share of yellow jackets and the like hunting around the bottles. Cheap vodka to the rescue! Soak a rag in in, and wipe down all the surfaces. Just as good as the 'cleaning' products, and probably, cheaper. The bugs (they ain't really bees, to my way of thinking) shied well clear of the alcohol, and all was well at the tiki bar.

See? See? This is why vodka is better than that stinking rum!


PS: Febreeze is made from 87 different chemicals. Vodka? one.
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[User Picture]From: im_geva
2012-09-21 01:33 am (UTC)

PS: Plain vodka

For those of you uninitiated.

Bottom shelf, really.

You surely don't want your mamma smelling Gummy Bears/Devil's Food/Whipped Cream on what purports to be clean laundry.
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[User Picture]From: skivee
2012-09-21 04:17 am (UTC)
Wow, I need some crap vodka. My washed pirate shirts outgas unpleasantly as soon as I sweat a bit.
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[User Picture]From: pyllgrum
2012-09-21 12:42 pm (UTC)
Spray vermouth, anyone?
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[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2012-09-27 02:36 am (UTC)
Thanks! That is a very helpful tip!
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