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Happy VD, people! - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Happy VD, people! [Feb. 14th, 2013|05:05 pm]
terribleturnip
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Ha, this is awesome:

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/some-things-that-are-worse-than-being-alone-on-valentines-day

An article that came across my desk today estimates that American will spend 815 million dollars on their pets for valentine's day. 815 MILLION? WTF? I can only hope that includes food. What are you people BUYING? They can't read a card. Chocolate will kill them. And at best, they'll eat flowers and puke them up, giving you a less than felicitious Valentine's Day present.

I have been sabotaged all day with cheap chocolate. Little gifts from the boss, two suppliers, our social committee. (Remind me to never schedule business meetings on Valentine's Day again, as they seem to feel as if they need to bring something. Dude, we do business together. I may like you...and I'm sure you love my business...but it just feels vaguely inappropriate.) Plus, of course, while very good chocolate? I can have one a day and make it last. Cheap chocolate? Whoops, all gone, one day. AND I feel awful, all cheap sugary high, blowing it already on day 3 of our weight loss contest, guilty and shamed.

I think I better pick up some flowers on the way home, eat them and puke it all up.

(For the record, I'm not referring to eating disorders here. I'm talking about cats. I have five of them. Eating things and puking them up seems to be one of their main hobbies.)
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: im_geva
2013-02-15 02:09 am (UTC)

Ditto

And I work at home *alone*.

I TRIED to skip having trivia tonight... but no. The pervs wanna have trivia. And so I bought THEM some sweets. And then I forgot the god damn things at home.

For shit's sake.

105lb Spryte says she'll help eat them...Right. she'll eat three pieces, over the course of two weeks.

sigh.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2013-02-15 02:33 am (UTC)
Gavage. It's not just for geese, anymore...
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[User Picture]From: im_geva
2013-02-15 02:31 am (UTC)
Geez. For the record, I've done many of the things on that list.

Except forgetting a baby on a bus.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2013-02-15 02:46 am (UTC)
Right. Because we've never had a baby. If either of us had, we'd totally forget it on a bus. No, wait. Probably not. But in a bar, in a heartbeat...or at least three martinis. Some would say, wait, what would you be doing in a bar with a baby? Which completely explains why we never had a baby, doesn't it?

BECAUSE I'D LEAVE IT IN THE BAR. And then the rest of you would be all judge-y. Phah.
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[User Picture]From: im_geva
2013-02-15 02:57 am (UTC)
Oh hell no.

We'd never leave a baby in a bar, much less a bus. Because we're too DAMN smart to have had a baby in the first DAMN place. We're WASPs FFS.

Thank you, Planned Parenthood!

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[User Picture]From: im_geva
2013-02-15 10:31 pm (UTC)
PS. I mean no disrespect to my friends with children.

My computer needs a breathalyzer on it...
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[User Picture]From: sequinedlovenun
2013-02-15 03:08 pm (UTC)
A dude came into the flower shop on Wednesday and bought a $150.00 (that's USD, not Thai baht or some other shit), GiGANTIC BEAR for his DOG for Valentine's Day. Yeah, he's going to die alone.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2013-02-15 04:05 pm (UTC)
He may die alone, but at least then his dog will have something to eat for a while...because a $150 stuffed bear will be useless.
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