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Weight Loss Contest at Work: Week Two - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Weight Loss Contest at Work: Week Two [Feb. 20th, 2013|10:15 am]
terribleturnip
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::Cue confetti, streamers, fanciful party horns::

I lost a pound and a half!

Whip-de-expletive-do. At this rate, I will die of old age before I reach my target.

Nah, actually, given that the week in question contained Mardi Gras (how could I not have shrimp and cheese grits for dinner, really?), Valentine’s Day (aka, chocolates and indulgence), a couple of business meal occasions (and seriously, when your old-school Chinese client takes you out to dinner, you do not get all high-maintenance American I’m on a diet with them. It’s offensive.) Plus a three day weekend…well, a good third of my colleagues (in the contest. I don’t monitor the weight of all of them) actually GAINED weight this past week, so I will count myself lucky. Or disciplined.

And my plans to ramp up my activity level fizzled a bit over the weekend. Contorting yourself in small corners to caulk that pesky draft spot, replace furnace filters, tripping over that damn brick in the frontwalk you meant to fix and falling up the front stairs and thus raining a shower of catfood all over the front stoop and yard, leaping off the stepstool to quick grab a rag to wipe off the dark brown paint you just smeared on the ceiling, and mopping up the paint you spilled because sometimes your brain sends the signal to the wrong hand and instead of tilting the hand with the brush you tilt the hand with the paint container – well, all that is definitely activity, but not as calorie burning as you would think. If only “thinking about what a doofus you are” burned calories!

Obviously, burning calories is now of interest to me. And it's all well and good to take up a new activity, but far easier to simply do a bit more of what I'm already doing. So, I'm checking out the things that I already do, or can easily ramp up. It's always depressing to see that walking for about a half an hour is like 200 calories burned. I mean -- every little bit helps and burning those 200 calories every single day, because it's not that hard to throw on my sneakers and walk during lunch and when I get home, is more likely to be effective than doing something more intense twice a week. But okay, walking, what else do I do? Sadly, reading books and typing blog entries is not very helpful. I could turn pages and type keys more vigorously, but that’s only going to end in papercuts and carpal tunnel. And while they list calories burned for painting a room, I’m actually damn near done with the kitchen and next up is re-doing the office. But that’s going to be two days of spackling and oddly enough they don’t list calories burned during spackling. Hmph. Obviously, they’ve never owned a house that was previously decorated by that pinhead guy from Hellraiser. And then of course I couldn't resist...masturbation/orgasm, 50-100 calories. Well, I don't even have to put on my sneakers for THAT. But wait, actual SEX is only 100-150 calories burned?

Dear Person Who Counts Calories Burned,

If full-on sex is only burning maybe 50 calories more than sex with just yourself? You're doing one of those WRONG.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: skivee
2013-02-22 06:00 am (UTC)
So will you be sharing your sex-based weight loss tips at work?
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2013-02-22 01:05 pm (UTC)
Well, it's happy hour tonight with colleagues, so odds are favorable. I won't MEAN to, but my internal editor keeps banker hours.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)