|What's the Opposite of Lucky?
||[Aug. 24th, 2007|08:37 am]
No, not lucky, really. I guess I mean when you defy the odds...but in a bad way. Biting the cherry tomato on an airplane and having it spatter not me -- but the two people on either side of me. (If you think that's GOOD luck, then you've never had to spend 4 hours on a plane sitting between two strangers whose suits you've ruined.)|
Got me pondering this morning as I tossed Percy his "goodbye" biscuit and for the near-millionth time, and hit him square on the bridge of his nose from across the bedroom.
(Percy, in his near-lab-like-doofiness, has no idea that I'm responsible for the morning nose-bonk. He thinks it's what happens right before he gets a biscuit and is more surprised when the nose bonk doesn't happen. Then he's like "omigosh, a biscuit fell out of the sky without warning! I'm a lucky boy!" Willow, on the other hand, glared at me, refused to eat the pain-inducing food item, peed on some clothes I left on the floor and made me feel guilty for a week by flinching everytime I brandished biscuits. That's Percy & Willow, Cliff's Notes version.)
But back to defying the odds. I mean, really, I can't hit the broadside of a barn with a basketball...at short range. If our lives depending on me being able to throw something at a target and hit it...make peace with the diety-of-your-choice right now. I WISH I could throw as well as a girl.
So, how do I hit the damn dog on the nose more times than not? How could I throw a duckpin bowling ball in the gutter and have it leap back out and take down all the pins but one? (I throw HARD, just not well.) They declared that an honorary strike.
Sure, I'm not the only person in the world who can enter a line -- toll plaza, grocery check-out -- and thereby ensure that the line will commence moving at half the speed it was moving at before I showed up. But I'm very, very good at it.
What, you doubt me? Go ahead, come gamble with me. Only twice have I played the slots. The first time, it took me less than 2 minutes to run through $20 in quarters. What, you're done already, my friends said? No way. Oh, I have the worst luck, I said. No, here try THIS machine, they said. Thankfully, I had witnesses when I ran through that $20, with not ONE pull resulting in a positive result. Every pull was a quarter down. Not once did I earn back a quarter. They were pretty damn impressed. Yeah, Vegas is pretty much about the food and entertainment for me. (No, not really, not even that. Vegas is about waiting for whatever conference I'm at to be over so that I can rent a car and head out to the desert and be with REAL things.)
Anyway, I'm just saying that if we're in a situation and our lives depend on me hitting a target...you're going to have to think of some clever way to convince them to use a biscuit and a dog nose as the trial.