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Dear Armpit Pooch People, - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Dear Armpit Pooch People, [Oct. 18th, 2007|08:47 am]
terribleturnip
[Current Music |Uncle Earl, Willy Taylor]

The sign on the door says "no pets/animals allowed". That means your dog too. I don't care that you're carrying it in your purse, tote bag, pocket. I don't care that it's small. Small enough to fit into your nostril. Hell, I don't care if you carry it IN your nostril. It's still a dog. I can fit a rat in my purse, but I'm not going to bring it into the store. Besides, most stores I've worked in already have their own rats.

And a dog that small provides no service in the world except making you happy. And if I can leave my vibrator at home, you can leave your little dog at home.

I have dogs that are actually trained to behave in public places and I respect the signs on the door and other people's desire to have a pleasant shopping experience and not worry about Yorkie Hair in their olive spread.

Despite your high opinion of yourself, there are actually very few rules and laws that are written specifically to apply to everyone but you and Paris Hilton. Really. We mean you two as well. As a matter of fact, if we could write rules specifically TO apply to those so filled with self-importance that they think they're above the law...we would. I'm working on it.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: pyllgrum
2007-10-18 01:15 pm (UTC)
And if I can leave my vibrator at home, you can leave your little dog at home.

You are SO selfless.
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2007-10-18 01:35 pm (UTC)
Well, she doesn't have to clean up after the vibrator.

Much.
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2007-10-18 01:49 pm (UTC)
Well ya can't exactly toss the dog in the dishwasher now can ya?
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2007-10-18 01:51 pm (UTC)
You can, but I think they're "upper rack only."
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[User Picture]From: 3fingeredsalute
2007-10-18 01:33 pm (UTC)
I think the two of us would be a right deadly duo if we ever combined our forces of "righteousness". I love your rants, and so fully agree!

Was this fur-deodorant witnessed first-hand or is this a thought du jour? I would love to know how the incident was handled. The vapid twits (I had another vowel in mind) typically get combative and abusively insulting if you ask THEM to read and abide by the rules.

Get me started on traffic offenses if you want to see that little vein in my forehead twitch. Some days it's a VERY good thing I don't carry weapons.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2007-10-19 12:26 pm (UTC)
Almost a daily occurence at Dean & Deluca. If I was on duty, I made them leave. (After taking their credit card of course, and ringing up a delivery order...) I had another guy bring his golden retriever into Conran's. Who then promptly lifted his leg on one of the couch legs. "He's never done THAT before" said the guy. Dude, which part of "No Dogs Allowed" did you not get. That's why, you moron. They'll do things in stores that they'd never do at home. Hell, it's virgin territory. Omigod, no dog has EVER even brushed up against here, much less peed. I can be the FIRST!

Which is why you never want to buy anything at PetsMart, or any store that allows dogs if it's on a corner, below your waist....
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2007-10-18 02:23 pm (UTC)
My psychotic sister..."

Ah, so there is another one like you at home?
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2007-10-18 02:46 pm (UTC)
Ah, my bad.

And you have cute toes.
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2007-10-19 05:35 pm (UTC)
Yes, you do. :)
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From: kudrasslipper
2007-10-18 03:13 pm (UTC)
WHAT!?! I have to leave my vibrators at home!?!?!? When did THIS rule pop up?!!?

FUCK! I just KNEW ignorance was bliss. Now what the hell am I supposed to do?
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[User Picture]From: chellebelle74
2007-10-18 03:28 pm (UTC)
Remote control vibrating "eggs" Pop one in before you leave the house and keep the remote in your purse. Waiting in line at the bank was never such bliss.
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From: kudrasslipper
2007-10-18 03:31 pm (UTC)
SO, let me get this straight... if it's a "concealed weapon" I can carry it? But not if it barks at people from inside my purse or nostril?

I'm *so* confused.
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[User Picture]From: pyllgrum
2007-10-18 03:45 pm (UTC)
Nostril???!!!

You might want to consider a shorter model.
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[User Picture]From: chellebelle74
2007-10-18 04:01 pm (UTC)
As long as it does not shed or distract other shoppers you're good. At least that's the rule I live by...
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2007-10-19 12:29 pm (UTC)
What's that buzzing sound....

I guess I'm old enough now that I could explain it away with "oooh, sorry, bad hot flash" but I dunno, subtle isn't my strong suit.
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