?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Three Rules of Life - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Three Rules of Life [Nov. 30th, 2007|02:00 pm]
terribleturnip
Three Rules of Life

I think everyone should have a set of three rules. Situations vary, circumstances change – personally, I find very little that I feel comfortable setting down in cement. But here are three things I will never, ever have to think about, just follow them and I’ll be all right.

1. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

(You never know when you’ll have the next chance and at my age…a traffic jam, a sneeze, the need to lift heavy objects…well, it’s a damn good rule.)

2. Never waste a hard-on.

(As a woman, let me specify, that would be one that my significant other is experiencing – not just anybody’s, okay? I’d like to think that would be self-evident, but there always seems to be some joker who wants to give Rule #2 a test-drive.)

And finally,

3. Never cut the red wire.

(I can’t honestly say that it’s the other wire that defuses the bomb. This may not always be true. But still, it’s rarely the red one – and really, in a situation like that, why sweat it? You’ve got 30-60 seconds, why waste it obsessing over which wire? Spend your last seconds remembering something lovely, knowing that you can fall back on Rule #3 at the last second and be right…or wrong…but mellow.)
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: majorchaos
2007-11-30 07:09 pm (UTC)
3. Never cut the red wire.

talk about having to go back and re-read the previous line. I read that as "never cut the red wine" and then read the paragraph below it... and was wondering what "wine" and "bombs" had to do with each other...

then again... maybe what I read should be one those rules...
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: dawntreader90
2007-11-30 07:57 pm (UTC)
hey. enough wine of any kind defuses lots of situations.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: majorchaos
2007-11-30 08:00 pm (UTC)
enough wine and you'll probably not care which wire you cut.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: pyllgrum
2007-11-30 08:21 pm (UTC)
At least if you cut the wrong wire you won't have long to kick yourself for the mistake you just made...
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: 3fingeredsalute
2007-11-30 09:27 pm (UTC)
I had the SAME misreading at first! In fact, at my very rapid scanning first glance I almost wanted to reply and say that she misspelled "boobs" as "bombs".
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2007-11-30 10:00 pm (UTC)
Maybe you guys need to cut back on the wine and get a pair of GLASSES...
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: 3fingeredsalute
2007-11-30 10:26 pm (UTC)
Glasses are a pain. Can you just type larger, and possibly a little slower next time?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: majorchaos
2007-11-30 10:45 pm (UTC)
I Do wear glasses... then again, they are a bit out of date and I'm to lazy to go get them updated. :D
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: pyllgrum
2007-11-30 07:15 pm (UTC)
Okay, philosophers have struggled for aeons to perfect a system by which mankind could reach its acme, and with your three rules you have made Descartes, Kant, and Plato moribund.

Although I believe Pythagoros might have come up with the same three, if only he had a red wire instead of a right triangle to meditate on.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2007-11-30 07:28 pm (UTC)
Have you had many opportunities to test-drive #3? If so, I recommend changing your line of work.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: acroyear70
2007-11-30 07:41 pm (UTC)

my three

1) Don't take shit from inanimate objects.
2) Don't take shit from anything else, either.
3) Beer is good.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2007-11-30 10:01 pm (UTC)

Re: my three

See, those are good philsophies, my dear, but you can't use them as rules, really. Sometimes beer is NOT good -- like when it's in your hand, you're behind the wheel and the state trooper looks like he's had a rough day already. The first two...wishful thinking on my part...ah, wouldn't that be nice!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: sestree
2007-11-30 10:38 pm (UTC)
Regarding Rule #1 - I especially follow that one now...ever since last year coming back from VARF.

If not you might find yourself on 2nd street in DC in a pirate shirt and bloomers begging for the ladies room key.

heh
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: regineaubergine
2007-12-02 02:06 am (UTC)
I absolutely agree with rule # 1. But, just in case, I have rule #2...
Always carry a heavy duty ziplock bag and tissue with you 'cause you never know. My personal # 3 is a good pocket knife with a corkscrew attachment.
(Reply) (Thread)