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Caffeine - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Caffeine [Dec. 28th, 2007|08:17 am]
terribleturnip
It’s getting near New Year’s and once again, I will NOT be making any resolutions. For starters, to limit yourself to only one day a year to possibly swear to improve yourself, is just dumb. You have 364 other days in which you can promise yourself to do something...and then later blow it off, why save this sport for just once a year?

It is my single serious addiction. (Well, that and blow jobs, but I don’t see anyone trying to talk me out of the latter.)

I consume mass quantities of it. And yeah, it has to be Diet. Sorry. I can’t handle large quantities of sugar. As for all of the other heinous ingredients contained within it, the rest of my diet is so damn pure, surely it’s got to balance out. It's either this or smoking or drugs, or gambling or something. I have to have a beverage in my hands most of the time. Waddya want, I was weaned too early.

Look, I CAN give it up. I couldn't get it in France. I couldn’t get it in Australia when I was there. I periodically give it up just to prove I can. On the off chance that all of you “aspartame will kill you” people were right, when I was having the immune disorder issues, I gave it up. Of course, then we realized that what worked there was not giving up caffeine, but giving up the husband, and boom, aches and pains begone. And I was able to go back to my beloved DMD with gusto. I just really, really like it. It's NEON. (And coming from someone who doesn't like to eat tofu because it's SQUARE and therefore unnatural, I find that a delightful proof that I'm an opinionated *******)

But we need to address the caffeine issue. Because if my well-meaning friends aren’t crawling up my butt because of the aspartame, they are all OVER the caffeine thing.

They make caffeine-free diet mountain dew and sell it down south (why not up here, where their number one junkie lives, I don't know). And when I’m down there, that’s what I drink. It is not the caffeine that has me addicted to this stuff. Clearly, there's something else in there that I crave. But still: “No wonder you’re so hyper. It has SO much caffeine!” they exclaim.

For the record, it does NOT. 36mg per 8 ounces. That’s all. Sure, it has more than Coke or Pepsi, which are 23 and 25 mg per 8 oz, respectively. Black tea, however, averages 53 mg. And coffee...85-200 mg per 8 ounces, my friends.

So, get off my ass, you Starbucks-slurping junkies and leave me and my carbonated brominated vegetable & Yellow #5 in peace.

(Those of you who are so zen and pure and don't partake of any caffeine, either, much less aspartame, sugar and neon-colored beverages...remember, I've been there and it didn't work for me...so, just...don't.)
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: o_ade
2007-12-28 01:41 pm (UTC)
Why should resolutions be about giving up our favorite addictions?
I say add to 'em!!
Go ahead...make it a happy year...filled with our favorite things.
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[User Picture]From: pyllgrum
2007-12-28 01:58 pm (UTC)
Caffeine isn't a drug, it is a religious sacrament, and is protected by the Constitution. May the Goddess Caffeina bless you with consciousness.
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[User Picture]From: majorchaos
2007-12-28 02:02 pm (UTC)
you'd think I'd learn to not drink anything while attempting to read your writings... second paragraph... yeah... snarf!

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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2007-12-28 02:14 pm (UTC)
Anyone who says you are "so hyper" is just jealous of your high-achieving self.

Somebody who is an acquaintance and NOT a close friend (and by the way I didn't ask for her advice) tried to mother me/crawl up my ass about aspartame in my Diet Coke... Please. Next time, I'm going to say, "Look, huffing gasoline in the 80s didn't fry my brain, so I'll take my chances."

You're SO hyper! God!
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2007-12-28 09:36 pm (UTC)
At least I don't look....

TIRED

I will be sure to get as little sleep over the next few days so as to make you look your very alertest.
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2007-12-28 09:39 pm (UTC)
Yer a peach.
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2007-12-28 03:57 pm (UTC)
Those of you who are so zen and pure and don't partake of any caffeine, either, much less aspartame, sugar and neon-colored beverages...remember, I've been there and it didn't work for me...so, just...don't.

MITT ROMNEY!

(I've been waiting since the Trivial Pursuit night to say that.)
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[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2007-12-29 08:34 pm (UTC)
Did Mitt Romney really say that??? Golly. That's great trivia.
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[User Picture]From: regineaubergine
2007-12-30 12:46 am (UTC)
No resolutions for me this year either. A bunch of stuff that folks think I should not be doing anymore and I still will' til I'm good and ready to stop on my own time. Having a lovely newyears weekend in P-Town with the siblings and no spouse or kids!
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