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It's best for all of us that I don't have time for Women's Magazines - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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It's best for all of us that I don't have time for Women's Magazines [Jan. 14th, 2008|09:35 am]
So, I'm sitting in the salon, my head covered in little squares of aluminum foil, making me feel like some kind of reverse-brownie, as we perpetuate the illusion that I get out in the sun and chlorine enough to still have highlights at my age..and while waiting for the timer to ring, the lovely Heather (thank you, Fetch, once again indebted) gives me one of the women's magazines...I dunno, let's say Redbook. The only one I know for sure is "MORE" which my mother gets and First of all, it's for women over 40 and all about how there's life after 40 and you CAN re-invent yourself, still live a full and active life that includes fashion and fun and, yes, even SEX.

I'm sorry, but I resent the implication that there's some kind of break off point here and that I need to re-assured. Okay, the fashion...never had that, so I suppose I could START now, but I'm too damn busy with the last two items on the list. The articles tend to run the theme of "No, it's NOT too late to...be thought of as sexy...to change jobs...to change whatever..." You know, age isn't going to stop you from doing any of those things...it may make them harder -- but really, isn't that closer to like, 60, nowadays?

I also get pissed off because it's filled with all of these profiles of women who, at about the age of 40, have...climbed the alps, bicycled across Africa, started a new company that now, two years later is on the Fortune 500, invented a brilliant new product, launched a program to feed the homeless in wherever...fill in the major, life-changing, groundbreaking, mindblowing, dramatic whatever, that is sure to make the rest of us feel like slackers for turning 40, er, five, and really just plugging away at the things that just make us happy, keep our families and friends together and improve our little corner of the world?

Jeez-us. How come we never get credit for just plugging along and not causing a mess? I HATE that. To have reached this age without causing anyone else undue trauma, having managed to deal fairly quietly with whatever adversity's been thrown my way, celebrated successes with a glass of wine and a good steak instead of press releases and gala events, gotten this far with no more than a speeding ticket, quietly contributing to the community, taking up no more than my fair share of resources....where's MY freaking medal? OUR, I should say, 'cause there's a whole damn bunch of us.

I'm going to start my own magazine for "women of a certain age" to counter "MORE"...maybe call it "Good Enough" or "Doing Pretty Okay"....

But that wasn't what set me off in the hair salon...

It was the ad for underarm moisturizer.


I have to admit that I have never noticed that my armpit seemed in need of moisturizer. I mean, a moist armpit is something we aim products at to fix, right? What am I missing here? Okay, I know, I've got Danish blubber skin, so dryness is usually not so much of an issue.

C'mon HBA industry, we're not THAT stupid. Come up with something that will keep my knuckles from cracking during the winter (that works, I've got plenty of things that don't quite do it) and I'll buy it. I am NOT buying a special armpit-dedicated moisturizer. There are not enough hair salon fumes in the world....

[User Picture]From: mistressfetch
2008-01-14 03:16 pm (UTC)
ahhh but at least your hair looks great, right? Heather, a miracle worker! :-) reminds me..I need an appointment..
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[User Picture]From: toxins
2008-01-14 03:32 pm (UTC)
Umm...you have transformed a certain organization...I'd call that impressive, especially with the obstacles that needed to be overcome.
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[User Picture]From: pyllgrum
2008-01-14 03:43 pm (UTC)
I am still wiping coffee off my screen at the mention of an "underarm moisturizer".
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[User Picture]From: chellebelle74
2008-01-14 04:25 pm (UTC)
Sign me up for a subscription of "Good Enough" or "Doing Pretty Okay," or both if you will be writing for both regularly. A little dose of Turnip helps all feel right in the world....

Oh, and I'd be happy to write a column on "good enough" make-up tips. For women, like me, who don't mind emphasizing the good stuff and minimizing the not so good stuff but without using an airbrush, a can of spackle, and 2 hours in front of the mirror.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-01-14 05:11 pm (UTC)
Smear vaseline on your mirror. You'll look fabulous.

Or rely on old-age. I am SO excited that all of my pores have disappeared! Although I must take great care to NOT look in a mirror when I'm wearing reading glasses....
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[User Picture]From: chellebelle74
2008-01-14 05:53 pm (UTC)
In a similar vein, I believe magnifying mirrors are devil-spawn tools of torture. I refuse to own one.
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[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2008-01-14 08:28 pm (UTC)
LOL! Laughing like an idiot here and bouncing the cat who is not pleased with me at all.

"Underarm moisturizer." Whew. I hadn't seen that one. Personally, I'm getting really annoyed with all the "skin tightening" ads aimed at women on just every website I go to, but yahoo is the biggest offender. You know the ones, where they show some perfectly acceptable female face in her 90s and then "wipe" the wrinkles away to reveal an air-brushed to perfection 20-something face. If you're really old and wrinkly, how is having a non-wrinkled face going to go with the rest of your wrinkly body??? Do you have to apply this ointment to the whole body or just never go naked cause otherwise the contrast is just too... weird? I'd rather smear vaseline on my mirror. (Good tip, by the way, TT.)

Re: the magazines: There is an article in one of our local papers about a woman who quit her job with a local TV news station to devote all her time to her blog- and not about underarm moisturizers, either, but actual, factual, real-life every day news from her neighborhood. It's so successful that she's gunning for advertising now and getting it. She quit her job because there wasn't any actual news in it anymore.

So, Turnip or Terribleness, if you ever come up with those magazines, I'm in as a reader. I bet you'd have a lot of other readers, too.
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[User Picture]From: im_geva
2008-01-14 08:29 pm (UTC)
You know, I get MORE, too. And the first couple issues were nice, encouraging, in that 'pat yourself on the head, see, being 40+ isn't so bad, you look GREAT!' sort of way. But STFU now and ENOUGH about those over-achievers. I hated those girls in high school, I hate them now, too.

Its all in the marketing, segment, segment, segment.
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