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Why I live in Maryland... - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Why I live in Maryland... [Jan. 25th, 2008|01:42 pm]
terribleturnip
I mean, okay, my Yankee soul starts to squeak as soon as I get near the VA border, although it doesn't start shrieking (we'd better just be visiting...) until we reach that part of VA where chicken livers appear on the KFC board and iced tea becomes "sweet" or "unsweet". You know you're up north when you ask for iced tea in December and the waitress says "Uh, we've got hot tea. But we don't keep it iced in the winter (yousouthernmoron). I could get you hot tea and a glass of ice...(ifyouwanttobeahugepaininmyass, justdrinkapepsi, dammit)

No wait, I was going somewhere with this. Right. So, I've always used this as my snappy comeback line when someone asks me why the hell I don't move to Virginia. "Hey, sodomy is ILLEGAL in Virginia." Which usually ends the conversation or begins it...and is a pretty simple bellwether as to which friend box I file you in. (Note, that's not a rating of which is better, just a note to self on which filter to apply when talking to you)

And now I find out that Sangria is also illegal.

Duuuuuddes....

I don't even like Sangria, but wtf? So, let me get this straight. In the great COMMONWEALTH of Virginia (and you know what, you and Pennsylvania need to get over this commonwealth shit. Yeah, yeah, you're special. God, don't be so NEEDY) anyway -- corporal punishment is okay, and you can smoke wherever you want, carry concealed weapons, and don't we dare tell you to control your hog effluent....

But Sangria?

Dear Virginiaphiles and defenders...don't. I come from a town that banned Santa Claus, for chrissakes. People who live in glass houses throw stones to distract everyone else from noticing that we're naked.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: sestree
2008-01-25 07:03 pm (UTC)
As a flatlander (i.e. midwesterner) I'm confused over this whole commonweath thingymajobbie.

Pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States (except Virginia and Pennsylvania which are Commonwealths) of America?

It's bad enough they let Lousiana call their counties parishes (which made me think that the local government was housed in churches -- not too bright am I) but I'm still confused on the are you or aren't you a state.

I found out the hard way it *does* make a difference (tax jurisdictions in PA make my head hurt - they charge you for the priviledge of working there - which is why it's called Occupational Priviledge Tax).

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[User Picture]From: 3fingeredsalute
2008-01-25 07:24 pm (UTC)
I was born in Michigan, but have lived in the Mid-Atlantic area most of my life. I have plenty of relatives in the flatlands (Iowa, mostly), and can tell you that Kentucky is also known as a Commonwealth. The background behind where each "state" comes up with their annotation of Commonwealth is intriguing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commonwealth#United_States

And regarding Louisiana? You should try the law there. It's all based on Napoleonic law rather than English Common Law. I daresay the geographical borders within the state are similarly deducted.
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[User Picture]From: mistressfetch
2008-01-25 07:28 pm (UTC)
I'd like to know how New Jersey got all f*cked up...I am refusing to drive in that state anymore!!!
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-01-25 07:49 pm (UTC)
At least you don't have to pump your own gas when you're there. It makes driving past Elizabeth easier: keep the windows rolled up and you won't even notice the smell.
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2008-01-25 07:29 pm (UTC)
ah HA didn't know about Kentucky either.

Lousiana is just another area entirely. I swear it should be on another planet. I lived down there for a short time and the drive through beer stands, calling the dog catcher for gators, and a million other wonderful strange things sent me runnin back to Oklahoma.

FAST !

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[User Picture]From: sestree
2008-01-25 07:03 pm (UTC)
Sorry I went off on a tangent........

Whoa? Sangria?

Just *wait* til I tell Robert. It's like his favorite drink next to mimosas.

yes my son drinks girly drinks *sigh*
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[User Picture]From: queenmaggie
2008-01-25 09:37 pm (UTC)
so does my husband: he says it takes a real man, secure in his masculinity. ;D
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2008-01-25 09:50 pm (UTC)
LOL just wait til I tell Robert THAT.

He'll love it - especially since it came from you :)
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[User Picture]From: mistressfetch
2008-01-25 07:26 pm (UTC)
Yep..and we can buy Clove cigarettes in Virginny but not in the Catholic State of Maryland..WTF? BTW, my PA does not consider Maryland "Southern" since it didn't succeed on it's own :-)

mmmm Sweet Tea...
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-01-25 07:46 pm (UTC)
I'm thinking you meant, "secede."
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[User Picture]From: mistressfetch
2008-01-25 08:06 pm (UTC)
Of course I did..darn it all..this day will never end :-) Thank goodness there is a beer at the end of the rainbow...:-)
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[User Picture]From: faithellen
2008-01-25 08:04 pm (UTC)
Wait, chicken livers aren't on the KFC menu everywhere? (only ever been to them down here)

Sangria being illegal might explain why it takes so freaking long to get some at Havana 59 (but I'm not going to fill them in on the law)
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[User Picture]From: 3fingeredsalute
2008-01-25 08:46 pm (UTC)
Buying pre-packaged sangria (like from a liquor store) is not illegal. It is illegal to mix your own sangria and sell it.
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-01-25 08:59 pm (UTC)
Can someone fill in the details here? Is it just sangria, or are you not allowed to mix wine with anything and sell it? I can just see the state coming down on Clarence, Angel Second Class like a ton of bricks: "Some mulled wine, my good fellow -- heavy on the cinnamon, light on the cloves" and a VABC thug slams his face down on the bar and cuffs him.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-01-25 10:09 pm (UTC)
You can't mix wine with liquor -- and then sell it. I suppose you could just look at it....
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[User Picture]From: 3fingeredsalute
2008-01-26 03:42 am (UTC)
Yeah, the law...

"Mixing beer or wine with spirits"

No boilermakers, no pearl harbors, no sangria, no barf Olympics... it's a crying shame.

Some sangria is made with Brandy or the like. If you stick with PLAIN wine, soda and fruit combinations, you're technically legal (albeit boring). However, opportunistic politician types need to "bring back Sangria" while banning illegals and supporting guns in schools. "We must save the sanctity of Sangria... for the children!"
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-01-26 06:40 am (UTC)
Well that just shows what an ignoramous I am -- I had no idea there was booze in sangria. I thought it was just wine and fruit juice. So that means kir is out too -- white wine and blackcurrant liqueur. That's got to be the girliest drink in the universe.
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-01-25 09:01 pm (UTC)
Wait, chicken livers aren't on the KFC menu everywhere?

No, they aren't. But in Minnesota and Wisconsin you can get fried cheese curds. (Squeaky fresh!)
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