|Elephants on Acid, Fertilizing Clowns
||[Mar. 5th, 2008|03:54 pm]
So I'm reading this book my brother gave me (we do our best to outdo each other with the weird, unusual and off-the-beaten track gifts) for Christmas, called Elephants on Acid. It runs through all sorts of wacky experiments, some less-ill-conceived than others, one of them being giving LSD to elephants. (Which, for the record, they are very sensitive to and they will just up and die if you are a dork, make assumptions and are a crappy scientist. The animal section in general is very, very hard to get through.) |
But then there was the experiment where they found that the presence of a professional medical clown (as opposed to the garden-variety-creepy-off-the-street-clown) in the room made a woman undergoing in-vitro-fertilization far more likely to conceive.
The scientists theorized that the presence of the clown, making jokes, doing sleight of hand (they said "magic tricks"), helped to relax the women, which helped with conception.
Dung of Camels!
First of all, the women were probably thinking "Omigod, if I don't conceive today, what will they bring in the room next, a MIME?!" And then, when the clown leaned forward to pluck that coin from her ear or hold out the deck of cards, her entire reproductive system recoiled in fear, creating a partial vaccuum, sucking the egg right into the uterine wall. And I'm sure the egg was scared too.
If I look hard enough through the literature, I'm sure I could find his act somewhere.
I hope they did a follow-up study to make sure the presence of "professional medical clowns" didn't cause birth defects.
Professional medical clowns? What is that credentialing program like, I wonder?
Probably just like the training to be the first mate in the Pyrates Royale.
Just because you startled me by screaming while standing there in your Victoria's Secret thong this morning doesn't mean that I will endure your abuse unanswered.
The training programs at MIT are exacting and difficult. Why, just the round hole/square peg thing bewilders most applicants. I'm proud to say that I figured it out after just three tries.
BTW: I was asked to pass on the remarks of the hospital administrators about your last professional medical clown gigue there. They got a lot of complaints and want you to never to the " Is this your card?" thing. Pulling an ace out of a patients "Female Bits" just doesn't play well at most venues even if you did use a fresh deck.
Of course, I read your title as "Elephants on acid that were fertilizing clowns." One of the more exotic things I've read in a very long time.