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terribleturnip

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Bits and Pieces [Apr. 4th, 2008|10:46 am]
terribleturnip
You know it's going to be a less than stellar day when a co-worker (who's English is non-native) greets you with "Oh, do you have the allergies today?" making a round the face gesture. Does that mean that it shows that I don't feel well? Or is she just noticing the TEN pounds I've managed to pack on since the knee decided that walking was no longer on my exercise list? And thought of Pyratelady, running into the ladies room to see if I'd forgotten mascara. Sadly, no. I just look like crap. Freaking pollen. 43 years without anything but a pine pollen issue and now my cells have decided to freak out over any plant sex in the entire Metro area.

I went to Target yesterday to buy tights and they've cleared them out. Well, now what do I do? (No, this isn't a joke. This is just how fashion-impaired I am. What you, think I wear Chico's because it's fasionable or cool? No. They match. The black matches the black, the brown matches the brown and they make many items that mix and match. Garanimals for me. They have all sorts of cool clothes in there (see Fetch's wardrobe) but I am stuck buying the Traveller's line because I get all tense at the thought of mixing and matching fabric textures) Tights are so much more comfortable than pantyhose. I HATE pantyhose. But the whole bare leg and foot thing just isn't going to work for me. What do you skirtwearers do?

My professional facade here at work continues to slip. Yesterday at a team meeting, discussing the recent departure of one of our teammates, and my boss making a joke about needing to find another woman so that we could maintain the nickname of "Ed's Angels", I said that I didn't care who he hired as long as she was normal-sized because I was tired of feeling like I was going to come around the corner and just obliterate a team member. Honestly, I work with a bunch of pixies. I'm the only one who can donate blood at our quarterly donation drives because I'm the only one who weighs over 110 pounds! I'm like a Great Dane amongst Chihuahuas. (Without the annoying yipping.) I am TWICE their size. Just a matter of time until I turn the cubecorner and wipe one of them flat. They won't stand a chance, unless they dive through my legs. Which, on second thought...nah, I like a woman with some meat on her bones.

And finally, I am in a full-out pout that I will miss the company and laughter of NCRF this weekend, although not the cold and rain. I suspect that I would probably actually be able to stay off of my feet more effectively there than I will at home -- where household projects like mowing the lawn, weeding, fixing the hole in the roof, switching out winter for summer clothes and the like will all beckon.

On the other hand, while the bed will be empty -- well, of humans, it may still require some of my attention. And I do have Martin Luther in from Netflix and the captain has said I could watch it without him, so maybe I'll get some of that laying down and staying off of my feet afterall.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: mistressfetch
2008-04-04 03:41 pm (UTC)
I wear tights just like you do :-) we are so alike! I'm heading to CVS to stock up on black tights..want me to pick you up a few pairs and bring them by this evening?
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-04 05:08 pm (UTC)
Naw, naw, got plenty of black -- was going for some lighter colors. But I can get those on my own...it's just, the Target ones fit just right! I've gotten other pairs that are too tight, too loose...gah! Not like when they discontinue your bra...but jeeze, I hate the thought of having to "try" out new ones. I have several Liz Claiborne tights that...well, let's just say, Liz has got some skinny-ass, long legs. They cut off the circulation around my thighs and puddle around my ankles. I'll tolerate that from a guy, but NOT a pair of tights.
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-04-04 04:03 pm (UTC)
I went to Target yesterday to buy tights and they've cleared them out. Well, now what do I do?

I am pretty sure that Hecht's stocks tights all year. I hate pantyhose too. I am not going to tell you my summer skirt solution because it is just too old-lady and frumpy to admit in public.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-04 05:10 pm (UTC)
What? You don't think this old saggy butt isn't encased in spandex as we speak?
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-04-04 10:02 pm (UTC)
"Spandex" sounds like someone is still making an attempt to present an attractive silhouette. I've moved on to wearing bike shorts under my skirt just so I won't get a nasty rash on my fat sweaty thighs.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-07 12:16 pm (UTC)
It accomplishes both -- USED to wear biking shorts -- still do, under garb. Although here's a handy hint -- roll on deodorant on the insides of your thighs.

The only problem there is then I've got bare legs and feet at work...which I just can't do.
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[User Picture]From: regineaubergine
2008-04-04 05:44 pm (UTC)
You can still get tights from target. 24 hour delivery if you order online:
http://www.target.com/gp/search/602-9335239-5818210?field-keywords=tights&url=index%3Dtarget&ref=sr_bx_1_1

Hope you feel better soon. Let me know if you need any help this weekend, walking dogs, etc. to let your poor injured snifflin' self rest and heal up some.

K
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[User Picture]From: giantsloth
2008-04-04 08:24 pm (UTC)
Speaking of buying tights ... I had to get some for Twelfth Night last fall. Oh what fun it was to be the lumbering unshaven tall old guy in the dance supply store, which was otherwise entirely populated by six year-old ballerinas and their mothers. I wasn't embarrassed, really. I just had that weird feeling that I wasn't supposed to be in there. They did indeed sell men's tights, though.

We'll miss you this weekend.
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-04-04 10:09 pm (UTC)
Oh what fun it was to be the lumbering unshaven tall old guy in the dance supply store

One of my daughter's friends was in a Nutcracker dance recital last Christmas. The cast was about 50 skinny girls ranging from tots to teenagers -- and one perfectly gigantic black teenage boy. He looked like he has just stepped off the offensive line of the Pittsburgh Steelers. He was a really good dancer, though. I'll bet he gets some strange looks when he's shopping for satin flats too.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-07 03:42 pm (UTC)
You should go shopping with me. I was the lumbering gigantic-sized person, looking for a me-sized leotard in pink (the short answer there is, no, we would have to special order something in that size. Well, THERE's an ego-booster!) and a pink tutu.

So, there I am, standing at the register with my pink tutu (and really, as butch as I can be, I have ALWAYS secretly wanted a pink tutu) surrounded by little munchkins and the ladies behind the counter -- cat's-eye glasses and NOT because they're retro and cool -- are looking at me as if I'm buying something terribly inappropriate and I can't just let it go....so I say "Oh, I'm not a dancer. It's for a masquerade party. I'm going as a pig." I got a whole round of moue's, AKA, anus-mouths. Because once my grandmother said to my mother "Don't do that thing with your lips, it makes your mouth look like an anus." Which is hard to scour out of your brain.....
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