?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Commercials that made me crazy the other night... - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Commercials that made me crazy the other night... [Apr. 10th, 2008|08:19 am]
terribleturnip
Now obviously, I don't watch a lot of television anymore, especially in real time -- pretty much some surgical strikes and videotaping that involves fast forwarding through commercials.

Or was it because I was watching on a Saturday night and they figure if you're home on a Saturday night, you've probably got something wrong with you or can be easily convinced that there is.

Anyway, we start out with "I don't have time to get the fiber I need, but thanks to ProductICan'tRemember, now I can just take this pill." You don't have time for fiber? Honey, it's not like you have to go out into the forest, cut down some bamboo and pound it out, make a paste and then cook it into bars. Just eat a piece of whole grain toast or some oatmeal, some orange juice for breakfast, a freaking apple for a snack and have some beans for dinner... How could you NOT have time for that? If you don't have time for that...you've got bigger problems in your life than lack of fiber, sweetheart.

And then the Nivea cellulite reducing cream -- that featured 2 minutes of 98 pound, 20 year old models prancing around. Dude, they don't have any cellulite yet -- which could be why your cream works so well. Slap that s*** on my 45 year old, turnip-pulling, wagon-hauling thighs and let's see how well it works...

And then finally, the car commercial -- again, how effective could it be, since I can't remember which car it was, but it asked the question:

When you turn your car on, does it return the favor? What? Dude, I just want the car to start. I get turned on by...members of my own species. But I guess I know women who actually look more favorably on a potential date because he drives a cool car. I say cool, because I really struggle even understanding the concept. I actually blew off a date because he drove a...hell, whatever car that was in the '80s that had the big Eagle across the hood. I'm like, oh, no way, we have NOTHING in common, I can tell right now.

Does the Captain know how lucky he is? My big rules on the kind of car my potential date must have is: it shouldn't smell icky inside and ideally has potential to carry a lot of stuff. Dripping oil is a bad sign, but I'll get over it if he's good in bed.

I've never been able to bring myself to date a guy who's really into his car. If there's going to be all sorts of fondling and rubbing and polishing and admiring -- I want it to be me, not the car, that gets THAT kind of attention.
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: the_mac_danee
2008-04-10 12:50 pm (UTC)
Does he get double points if he's fondling, rubbing and polishing with Nivea? Just asking...
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: piratekalia
2008-04-10 01:41 pm (UTC)
Only if it's NOT used to "reduce cellulite"...right?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: the_mac_danee
2008-04-10 01:48 pm (UTC)
Well that is going to happen to some degree regardless of the cream if there is fondling, rubbing AND polishing going on. That could be one large calorie burn!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-10 06:03 pm (UTC)
And you know, I HAVE put on quite a bit of weight lately, thanks to the knee sidelining me...I could use some major calorie burning...
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2008-04-10 02:22 pm (UTC)
The last time I dated a guy who was really into his car, (washing and waxing it once a week) he also turned out to be exceptionally boring. So I think your instincts are right.

I'm surprised you didn't mention the commercials touting cures for:
Restless Leg Syndrome
depression
problems with intimacy (re: performance)
excess body fat caused by stress

Everything's got a fancy medical name now! I'm just waiting for the ad claiming to cure misanthropy!
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-10 06:10 pm (UTC)
Well, I'd take a cure for Restless Leg Syndrome anyday. I know it sounds goofy, but if you have it...it's a pain in the butt.

But you CAN'T TAKE MY MISANTHROPY FROM ME. It DEFINES me....I will resist treatment until the day I die!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2008-04-10 06:51 pm (UTC)
So the free oil sample didn't work? Dang.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-10 07:52 pm (UTC)
Sadly, no. And the recent X-rays and MRIs of my knee came out...blurry. The MRI tech said "I don't know what's going on, I keep losing the signal."

Maybe it's just a gremlin infestation. Or some kind of weird electrical thing -- after all, I do cause electrical things to fail with alarming rapidity -- computers, stereos, speakers. Twice I have been the person behind the wheel when something went wrong with the car's electrical system and it caught on fire....

(Note, I'm not really serious, but maintain a healthy agnosticism about the fact that maybe, like many of the electrical outlets in my house, I'm wired wrong...)
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2008-04-10 08:42 pm (UTC)
Wired wrong? Maybe... I'd rather say differently. Some people do have issues with electrical stuff. I've met more than one person who couldn't wear a digital watch because they wouldn't last more than a day or two, or it would go all wonky with the time keeping and this was regardless of the quality of the watch or the freshness of the battery. Heck, I have one friend who can't wear any watches at all, not even mechanical ones- they simply fail. Myself, I can make a computer crash by looking at it, especially if my sister is the one running the computer- it happened over and over again when she was doing lay-out for our album covers so finally I simply stopped going into the room... and no more problems. I even met a guy who said he'd been fine with electrical stuff before he got struck by lightning. He survived the lightning strike just fine with only minor damage, but now he can't wear any watches at all or use computers or much of anything electrical. He even drives a really old car because newer ones just simply break electrically if he drives them for very long.

Hm. How about a visit to a good shaman or energy worker? Or maybe you don't mind being wired differently. It's not really that big a deal as long as you don't care about it. That does put your RLS in a different light, though. Fascinating...
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: chellebelle74
2008-04-10 09:04 pm (UTC)
I was reading somewhere (in an urban fantasy novel, natch) that people who defeat electrical and/or electronic things like that do so because somewhere back in their in their bloodline they have fairy blood. FWIW, YMMV...
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2008-04-10 11:32 pm (UTC)
I've heard variations of that from a number of sources, not all of them fantasy stories. It would be fun to think that some of us have fairy or dryad or other non-human blood, wouldn't it?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-11 12:14 pm (UTC)
See, now, that's the mistake that people always make -- that it would be fun stuff like fairy or dryad...or sexy vampires or alluring werewolves...when really, it's just as likely to be troll or, in my case....orc.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2008-04-11 07:25 pm (UTC)
It would explain the snoring... :) Not that YOU snore- I wouldn't know- but I have had some friends whose snoring is now legendary amongst me and my friends. Orc or troll would be a nice explanation. Werewolf would explain my hairy legs much better than fairy or some other cute thing.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: chellebelle74
2008-04-12 12:57 pm (UTC)
I think it's a rather fun idea too. :-) I've had more than one friend tell me I must be part hobbit because I have an unnatural amount of hair on my toes (only me... only me...), well, and then there's that whole loving to eat and being extremely short thing, but I really think it's the toes.

btw, the author I was reading when I came across the fairy tidbit is Charles de Lint. I don't know if you've read him yet, but if what I've picked up from your posts is any indication, I think you'd really like him. I adore the man and read him as often as possible.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-14 12:17 pm (UTC)
I once made a friend snort half a bottle of IPA through her nose (which is painful, 'cause all those hops are not meant to go that way) when we were sitting on the dock and the lake and I looked down at my barefeet and said "Shit. Time to pluck the Hobbit hair."
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2008-04-10 07:34 pm (UTC)
Leave it to me to make an insensitive comment to someone who actually has RLS! *takes a bow* I couldn't help it, though... it does sound goofy to me.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-10 08:00 pm (UTC)
It IS goofy. Look, okay, better RLS than say, pancreatic cancer...but really, does it have to be so embarrassing and hard to explain. A lot of people think it's that leg jiggling thing that some people do...but no, it's freaking maddening and excruciatingly humiliating when you have to stand up during a meal or meeting and your only excuse is "I just can't sit down anymore." And everyone looks at you as if you may be a neurotic freak. And you know that if you explain WHY, you will only confirm their opinion.

The only comfort is...for years I thought I was the ONLY neurotic freak. Then I found out that 2 other family members are neurotic freaks. And then that there were more of us. And really, I'm not a neurotic freak kind of person...

And ED is real too, but the commercials are totally out of control and...goofy. Especially when they start rattling off the side effects...
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: chellebelle74
2008-04-10 04:17 pm (UTC)
"I've never been able to bring myself to date a guy who's really into his car. If there's going to be all sorts of fondling and rubbing and polishing and admiring -- I want it to be me, not the car, that gets THAT kind of attention."

Can I get an AMEN, sister????
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-04-10 05:34 pm (UTC)
You don't watch much TV, do you? There are far weirder commercials out there, just in the subsets you've already mentioned.

For instance, in the fiber category: The All-Bran Ten Day John McEnroe Challenge. The premise is that Mac travels the country exhorting middle aged white people to eat All-Bran for ten days and get regular. Much lame bowel-related humor ensues. I'm baffled by the entire concept -- what does John McEnroe have to do with fiber? Other than the obvious fact he's an asshole, but that seemed a little too edgy a marketing link for a stodgy outfit like Kellogg's to embrace.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-10 06:08 pm (UTC)
I don't even "get" the whole REGULAR thing. Are we talking "regular" as oppose to "outlandish"? Because I dunno, you could take some pride there...or maybe stop eating weird things. Or "regular" as in scheduled? I dunno, I go when I need to. I don't know that I've ever sweated my "irregular" poo schedule.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2008-04-10 08:23 pm (UTC)
Oh, you talk a good game, but mistressfetch and lady jen at the hound tent have already told me about those "colon-blow" muffins that you make.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-04-10 09:17 pm (UTC)
What, you didn't see Barney Miller? That joke is Abe Vigoda's whole career right there.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: skivee
2008-04-10 05:37 pm (UTC)
Pontiac Trans-Am...it was a Camero with a fancy hat.
Neither one were worth crap on ice or snow...REALLY! The most dangerous car I have driven.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-10 06:04 pm (UTC)
Omigosh, now that you bring that up, it WAS you that I blew off. I thought you looked familiar! You used to have more hair, though...and were taller. And more...Italian....
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: skivee
2008-04-10 06:15 pm (UTC)
No, that wasn't me. I usually remember being blown off.
All I was doing was naming the auto. I inherited a lovely white 81 Camero Berlinetta from a friend. It was classy looking and had a great sound system.
It also was a pig on ice. The back seat was about 3 feet across. If anyone tells you that they had sex in the rear set of a 81 Camero or Trans Am, they are lying. (unless they are some of those Chinses circus contortionists. Hmmmm, I'm just going to think about that for a while...right)
Well, anyway, it wasn't me. I would not own a car with a big ugly eagle decal across the hood unless it came supplied with contortionists.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-04-10 09:16 pm (UTC)
I took driver's ed in one of those. They corner on rails. Which is nice, except just like a train, the best visibility is out of the side windows. Which isn't good when you're traveling at 87 mph with a beginning driver.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-04-10 10:53 pm (UTC)
And just to continue the car geekery and further demonstrate that a man with a car fetish never impressed me because I was the one with the grease under my fingernails: the Pontiac analogue to the Camaro was the Firebird. The Trans Am was a particular high performace package of the Firebird. And, as you might guess from the name, the "eagle" on the hood was really supposed to be a phoenix. It didn't really look like either one.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: skivee
2008-04-10 10:56 pm (UTC)
I admit in shame that you are correct. My life has no meaning now.
Well, at least I did correctly remember that I had an 81 Camero. That should be good for a few points.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-04-10 10:30 pm (UTC)
What a wuss. My first car was a '67 Camaro with a 327 V8. It snows a lot in Indiana. The only thing I ever hit was a "Stop for School Bus" sign. I don't even know why the sign was there -- there were no schoolbuses I could see. I did stop.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: skivee
2008-04-10 10:48 pm (UTC)
Your mocking tone has been noted and will be a factor when I am king of the universe.
The 81 was a different beast, with suckier handling.
Why, the Car-Guys "Click And Clack" even joked about broadcasting from the Olympic Camero Ice Skating Rink when the games were in Lillehammer, Norway
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-04-10 10:58 pm (UTC)
Your mocking tone has been noted and will be a factor when I am king of the universe.

Oh goody -- does this mean I can be the mocking czar?

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2008-04-10 07:00 pm (UTC)
Eeeee-heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee...

Whew. I needed that.

I do care, somewhat, what kind of vehicle a person drives- a Hummer will get always get a sneer from me whereas an Italian motorcycle (or German) will get a smile and some friendly flirting- but more important to me is HOW you drive the damn thing. I have broken up or refused to ride with all sorts of people because of their crap skill levels or apparent theory that scared girls are more sexy. NOT interested in anyone who is an idiot wearing (or riding) several thousand (or hundred) pounds of metal and I don't care how pretty you or your metal suit/horse are. And eagle decals? I nearly slapped a friend of mine for putting one on his lovely, very expensive and elegant little BMW mid-life-crisis sports car which made it look like a whore for the military. Really pissed me off.
(Reply) (Thread)