|Take our Sons & Daughters to Work Day
||[Apr. 24th, 2008|08:11 am]
Please, enjoy the irony here, that I am at work, surrounded by children right now. Actual children, as opposed to adults ACTING like children, which sadly, I'm far too used to. |
My ovaries have run in fear and are quivering behind my ears. Despite being malfunctioning, running on egg-fumes organs of generation, they're still spry little bastards when they're surrounded by evidence of possible fecundity.
I have to pour juice later so they can have a mock product tasting. (It was juice or root beer floats and since I find putting ice cream into carbonated soda about as appealing as vomit, I chose juice.) Which is cute and all, but it's hard to reconcile getting my butt reamed for falling behind a project with we need you to spend today shepherding other people's kids.
It's a great concept. But really, there's a reason I don't have kids. I love my friends kids because they're like family. There are a couple of neighborhood kids I've bonded with, just 'cause they're cool kids. But needing to make all sorts of "hi, oh, isn't she cute, how old are you, are you helping your Dad, oh, thank you, let me put that drawing up right HERE." is exhausting me.
It's not even 8:30 and already I'm out of love for stranger's children. Now you're just one more road block between me and my Chafing Fuel contract....
I took my kids to work once and that was because the organization (US Air Force) wanted to let families come in and see what we do. As cute as they are, I kept a very short leash on them and once they became a handful (does not take long) we were getting them out of there. Now of course they were 3 but still. I'm not a huge fan of kids at work for longer than showing them around to know where Dad/Mom works.
And I'll have a nice tall glass of turnip vomit please!!
Once the juice is over, believe me, the kids will hate this day as much as you do. Unless one of your parents is a SWAT sharpshooter or trapeze artist, going to work with them is about as exciting as watching low VOC earth friendly latex paint dry. Beige paint. At least at school, there's always the possibility a grasshopper will jump down the front of Mrs. Krabappel's blouse or Ralph Wiggum fall down on the playground and break his arm.
2008-04-24 05:05 pm (UTC)
On This Most Wonderful Of TYS/DTW Days
"hi, oh, isn't she cute, how old are you, are you helping your Dad, oh, thank you, let me put that drawing up right HERE!"
Some suggestions for other ways to keep the little darlings entertained:
So, do you all know where babies come from? I have a Powerpoint Presentation.
Look, here's a picture of Santa Claus dying!
Have any of you ever read the Naecronomican?
Would you like some Jello-shots?
Now, Billy, please hand Sally that really big open beaker of sulphuric acid.
Have any of you kids ever been to Thailand and used for the enjoyment of rich old Japanese businessmen?
Here, try some of this Limberger cheese; It tastes just like pudding!
Now it's time to play "Throw Glass At Your Lunchmate".
Have any of you ever seem so many loaded guns without trigger guards, kids?
Now I'd like to tell you why Hitler was right about solving the "Jewish Question".
Let me tell you about my personal relationship with Cthulu.
But of course you have already used most of these, right?
2008-04-24 07:37 pm (UTC)
"Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?"