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If you can't stand the heat...quit working Renaissance Faires - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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If you can't stand the heat...quit working Renaissance Faires [Jun. 9th, 2008|09:55 am]
terribleturnip
Unlike the bucket of things for which I was blamed, excoriated, kicked and otherwise burned in effigy for this past weekend (paging inkgypsy, I need a cover up tattoo to cover the "kick me" that got inked onto my back without my knowledge), the heat WAS my fault.

See, last year, opening weekend at Maryland was...hellaciously hot and humid. And I said "gee, no one at Virginia Faire will ever be able to complain about the weather there to me, because I have survived the worst. And no day at Virginia is ever as bad as Opening Day at Maryland."



Having proven over and over again that Virginia can make Maryland traffic seem like a drive in the park, Virginia took up the weather gauntlet and smacked us so hard...I may never get up again. Well, okay, obviously I'm up, but limping, good people, definitely limping. And one more shot like that...

Because when the heat index is 114 on Saturday and on Sunday you actually think, well, this isn't nearly as bad, because it's only 105....

When we got home last night, we took cold showers before going to bed and I had the AC turned up so high, it was like a meat locker. I woke up with a sweaty film all over me. I had so much sweat backed up in my system that it kept going all night long.

I will admit - at least it wasn't dusty. And we had over 900 patrons still show up over the weekend. Which is a drop in the bucket to most faires -- two years ago those would have been pretty good numbers. Now, they're extremely disappointing. Although truthfully, by Sunday afternoon, I have to admit every patron that came through the gate, I thought "If it weren't for you, I could be in air-conditioning." It was hard to feel the love.

But as always, I'm just blown away by the fact that people came out, that our entertainers were challenging each other for open stage slots, and our cast was bravely soldiering on and having FUN. Look, I'm a Danish/German/English Yankee, I'm all about the pigheaded, stubborn resistance, endurance as a challenge, weather as an adversary thing. And I was ready to cry uncle. We had a friend show up on Sunday who knows faires and said "I'm really impressed by the energy of the cast." Good heavens, half of them were home lying under ice blankets, the ones who were left must have felt like wrung out dishrags and were under strict order to limit their activity.

Look, we've had torrential downpours, tornados and high winds that have repeatedly ripped down tents, and now egregious heat and humidity. We have one weekend left. Weathergods, don't make me come up there. The forecast for next weekend is mid-eighties, with a small chance of thunderstorm/shower on Saturday. I'm covered in chigger bites, tick bites, mosquito bites and hives of unknown origin. I've got significant lacerations from encounters with metal and wood edges. I hurt in places that I'm pretty sure don't even have nerve endings. I've been sleep-deprived for five weeks. My roof is leaking into my bedroom closet and down into the dining room and the roofer and I are engaged in some long, slow, drawn-out pavane of when he's going to be able to start. I've got horrendous deadlines at work If I were you, I suggest that you not even come CLOSE to 85. I'd better get a breeze and the only "wet" I want to see is when I'm a spazz and miss my mouth when I drink my DMD. Got it?
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Comments:
From: kudrasslipper
2008-06-09 02:44 pm (UTC)
I don't know HOW you guys did it, I really don't. I didn't even want to get up to get more pig at Tony's because to do so (scantily clad as I was) would have meant total sweat-drench. And you *know* how I love pig. You are truly my hero, gorgeous. And just think of all the calories you burned off (literally)! You could eat cookies and ice cream every day this week and still come out on top!

Incidentally - if you wanted to do that - I could be talked into joining you. xxx
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-06-09 03:29 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm usually on top anyway...

It was so hot that even ice cream didn't sound good. Unless I could be buried in it.

At the end of Sunday, after I'd cleaned up and closed up the office, packed and filed everything away, dumped all of the water jugs and went to dump the office cooler, I pulled out the leftover water bottles and that icy water was the sexiest thing I've seen....ever. The cooler was too small to crawl into, but I fantasized on that for a while. Then realized I had a microfiber towel in my bag. I dunked it and put it around my neck and...sigh, I dream of sex that feels that good.
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From: kudrasslipper
2008-06-09 03:31 pm (UTC)
And you didn't get naked and just dump it over your head, why!?!?
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-06-09 03:37 pm (UTC)
A: It might've just killed me.

B: I was so tired of being damp. Walking around for two days in wet socks, wet shoes, wet chemise, wet bodice, wet underwear...and not the GOOD kind of wet. The thought of having to drive home in wet clothes....

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From: kudrasslipper
2008-06-09 03:42 pm (UTC)
Nudity, I find, is usually the answer. :-)
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2008-06-09 04:05 pm (UTC)
*seconded*
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-06-09 05:29 pm (UTC)
If I'm naked, one of three things is going to happen. I'm going to take a shower. I'm going to have sex. I'm going to bed (to sleep).

Standing in a field, 105 degrees out, surrounded by other exhausted, uber-sweaty rennies...none of those were likely or desired.

But now that I'm back in civilization...I may see if I can get all three done tonight!
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2008-06-09 05:39 pm (UTC)
Well you keep thinking about positive cash flow - I'm just sayin you could hook up a shower and do all 3 on site.

I'll even help hawk the video concession.

*grin*
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[User Picture]From: dawntreader90
2008-06-09 03:13 pm (UTC)
it was bad. i didn't think anything could be much worse than opening day MDRF, but it was bad this weekend. i was thinking about all you guys out there.
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-06-09 03:25 pm (UTC)
Some of us are not quite sure how we did it either. I will always wear this past weekend as a badge of honor, although there were many people who had it worse than I did. I did remember, Saturday 7:30 PM, as I collapsed face first on my mother in law's (air conditioned!) living room floor and simply passed out for 30 minutes, to say a prayer for all the cast and performers who were sleeping in tents that night. Ye gods.

And yeah -- I lost 8 lbs, even after stopping at Five Guys for dinner on the way home Sunday night. And I was pretty much immobile in between sets.
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2008-06-09 03:30 pm (UTC)
I hope you at least got that lazy husband of yours to carry your harp for you. ;D
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-06-09 03:46 pm (UTC)
That lazy husband of mine was sitting in an air conditioned venue listening to a Keltish concert. But I had not only my own two daughters but three of their friends who followed me around most of the day pretending they were harp groupies, so I lacked not for beasts of burden. I'm still working on the harp-hauling shanty. It's still a little too....obscene.
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-06-09 05:45 pm (UTC)
It occurs to me I should make clear "that lazy husband" is a joking reference to his LJ user name; in light of the brutal work schedule he's been keeping the past few weeks a rather ironic joke at that. I'm sure he understood but wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong impression about an_idle_fellow,
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2008-06-09 03:28 pm (UTC)
I was definitely reminded of opening weekend 2007 at MDRF. Glad you and others made it out alive.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-06-09 03:34 pm (UTC)
Saturday was just the worst. Ever. It was so humid that our sweat had no where to go. I stopped to talk to someone and when I looked down, I thought I'd lost control of my bladder. There were rivulets of water running down my calves. Honest-to-god-rivulets of sweat just pouring straight down my legs. And I was in shorts and a t-shirt. Although the t-shirt was so wet and thick with salt that I was able to amuse cast members at the cast party by giving myself extra nipples...which is another reminder that I probably shouldn't drink at the cast parties....
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-06-09 06:47 pm (UTC)
Suddenly you made me look forward to next weekend.
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2008-06-09 04:03 pm (UTC)
oh poor you :(

We didn't brave the heat -- yes I know slackers that we are.

We'll be there next weekend though :)

I agree with kudrasslipper - naked is ALWAYS the answer :)
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[User Picture]From: chellebelle74
2008-06-09 04:45 pm (UTC)
Holy crap, honey. You have my deepest sympathies. I will pray to the weather gods right along with you. I'd rather not see a bunch of my favorite people get heat stroke out there.
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[User Picture]From: meapet
2008-06-09 07:02 pm (UTC)
I think we'll all just take this past weekend with us and, like the oldtimers with us talking about trudging up a hill in barefeet in 2feet of snow (both ways!), the younger rennies who come in through time, we'll all be able to say "This isn't hot.. I remember when it was 114 at VARF, and everyone except for Tiger Jim looked almost like the walking, sweating dead. Tiger Jim wasn't dead because he was in love with that heat, which is probably why he's all crazy about the head."

:)

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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-06-09 07:48 pm (UTC)
I think everyone who was there should get a commemorative pin, like a rennie combat medal. Nothing flashy, you know -- a little pewter Seventh Circle of Hell or something like that.
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[User Picture]From: meapet
2008-06-09 08:15 pm (UTC)
HA! Best idea ever! :)
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