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Today's Unfortunate Headline - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Today's Unfortunate Headline [Sep. 4th, 2008|10:04 am]
terribleturnip
Courtesy of www.sciencedaily.com

Black Footed Ferrets Sired by Dead Males

Dead Male Whats, was of course my first question. Okay, okay, I'm no dummy, after all, my first job offer out of college was working as a sales rep for a cattle insemination company. (No. Really. Swear to all that someone finds holy.) Actually sounded like a cool job...until I found out that in addition to helping a farmer choose the right bull semen for his herd, I was also the person who would be delivering it. In a more intimate fashion than just showing up with a trunkload full of sperm on dry ice. Hey, I've stood in near freezing mud with my arm up a cow's who-ha...but when I found out that my territory would be Central Pennsylvania...oh, no offence, but THAT was the dealbreaker. Four years was enough for me, and I was in a collegiate/intellectual enclave.



I can't spare the time to re-write that headline, though, since on the same website, I then read that lack of sleep depresses your immune system and that diet and pesticides and contaminants aside, we're dying of cancer and heart disease, etc. because we don't get enough sleep. Please note, 'they' always blame DIET for many of our modern ills, with data showing that once rural villagers with low incidences of cancer and heart disease move to urban settings and eat, GASP, a Western diet, they start to die of these issues at the same rate as someone living in a city. My pet theory is that while diet can contribute, it's lack of exercise, lack of a good night's sleep, crowding and stress are bigger factors.

So, while you'd think I'd be squealing with joy at this small bolster of evidence to support my theory (this theory, which is mine), I am now FREAKING OUT because not only do I mentally crave the Holy Grail of 8 hours of sleep, now I know that I'm KILLING myself, especially after last night, a night of weird dreams, waking up several times to limbs that had gone past numb and into excruciating pain due to loss of circulation, plus a lot of dog restlessness and cat bladder stomping. Agh! I can feel the tumor growing now!
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-09-04 02:30 pm (UTC)
You know, any day that starts out with reading the words, "Bull semen" before lunchtime has got to be a good one...
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[User Picture]From: majorchaos
2008-09-04 02:42 pm (UTC)
Bull Semen

Sounds like a heavy metal band
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2008-09-04 02:33 pm (UTC)
hehe to bastardize a quote from PJ O'Roarke

I don't know but I'll never forget the look on that cow's face

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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-09-04 02:34 pm (UTC)
"Parliament of Whores"—I have that book...
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2008-09-04 02:36 pm (UTC)
It was my first by him. The analogy of backing up to the edge of the stall mooing for frozen bull sperm just did me in.

:)

There are rare few famous (or even semi famous) people I've wished to meet.

He is one.
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-09-04 02:41 pm (UTC)
He's a nice guy (even if he's real real wrong on a lot of things). I interviewed him in 1988 for a profile I wrote for what is now the American Journalism Review. We sat out on the deck of a DC crab house, smoked cigars and shot the shit.

He sent me a copy of his book, "Holidays In Hell," after we found out we had both visited the same bar in Manila right before the People Power Revolution in the Philippines (the bar was staffed entirely by midgets), signed, "To Brian, who's been on a few of these himself."
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2008-09-04 02:48 pm (UTC)
Very cool !
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2008-09-04 04:34 pm (UTC)
And yet Mr. King, (Stephen) who has killed acres of forest with his prolific writing, has managed to never touch on that subject. I feel a bit cheated.
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2008-09-04 04:37 pm (UTC)
No but he had Fornits so I guess I can forgive him.

The Ballad of the Flexible Bullet in Skeleton Crew
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2008-09-04 04:32 pm (UTC)
A friend of mine told me a few stories about his adventures in animal husbandry. He worked with horses. He said it was... humbling.
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