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terribleturnip

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Today, I am amused by news snippets [Sep. 18th, 2008|08:37 am]
terribleturnip
I'm still bloated with foodjoy from the southern-fried spread that Fetch treated us to last night. And of course, stayed up too late and my stupid damned neurotic dog who also had much fun hanging with Basil and stressing out because he was separated from us by a thin pane of glass and apparently the company of other greyhounds, cushy dog beds, toys and chewies were not enough consolation for not being able to TOUCH us...THAT damn dog, insisted that at 5am his bladder was going to blow.



And dinosaur that I am, I'm not including links -- google the quote, you clever monkeys, if you want the primary source or context. This ain't an academic exercise, it's comedy...

"Last month Mr Munajid condemned the Beijing Olympics as the "bikini Olympics", claiming that nothing made Satan happier than seeing females athletes dressed in skimpy outfits."

Surely, Satan has things that make him happier, don't you think? I mean that quote reveals a certain lack of imagination, don't you think? Maybe that's the problem with crazy Muslim fundamentalists -- they have handicapped imaginations. They don't DREAM big enough. After all, this was a throwaway quote in an article about how he's calling for the death of Mickey Mouse, since Sharia requires the killing of household mice and Mickey is teaching kids to love mice. See what I mean? First of all, Mickey is not a household mouse, he OWNS a house. And people who love Mickey Mouse have no problem putting out a snap trap for Mickey's cousin who got into the cereal.

Mr Munajid needs to get out more. Like maybe to Disney World. Give him a week in the Polynesian Resort....help him get in touch with his inner child again, and dude, relax...and have a page through the Yellow Pages of any American city. I guarantee you that matched up against a comparably sized city where you live, we have WAAAY more pest control companies that you do.

And, thank goodness, they're coming out with ultra-premium 3 ply-toilet paper. Which is slightly absurd, but then I read this:

"(the company) plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a "sanctuary for quality time."

Okay, call me sensitive, because I just joined that target market -- and I don't know if I'm ready to be lumped in with the octogenarians quite yet. But quality time, in the bathroom? Augh! Now, before you leap in there -- cause you have a much nicer bathroom than I do, and you love to have a good soak in the tub, with your candles and your...I dunno, whatever, like I have time to lay around in the bathtub? I'm sure it's lovely. Personally, I find the tub to be hard on my ass, I never can get all of the important bits under the water, it's just a matter of time until I fumble the book into the water, or knock a candle into the tub with me, or worse, out onto the mat -- and let me tell you THAT is not a good smell. And by the time I've run the water, set it up, got in (because I'm a hot water wuss, so it's like one paralyzing bodyinch at a time, that then gives the rest of me chills, which makes me want to pee before I get in there...and by the time I do get in there, relax, convince my self that I'm way more comfortable than I actually am, tell myself to stop obsessing about laying in tub of now less than clean water and what if THIS is the bath salts that gave me that rash last time, some pinhead rings the doorbell or the phone, or one of the dogs has to go out or...

But to my original point -- even if you enjoy that sort of thing more than I do -- they're not talking about a lovely tub soak here. This is toilet paper they want you to use. They're talking about quality time, sitting on the toilet.

I may be 45. I may work at a Renaissance Faire. My life may be disastrously crazy. But at least I don't consider my bathroom a "sanctuary" or time on the toilet to be "quality time".....
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-09-18 01:35 pm (UTC)
And by the time I've run the water, set it up, got in (because I'm a hot water wuss, so it's like one paralyzing bodyinch at a time, that then gives the rest of me chills, which makes me want to pee before I get in there...and by the time I do get in there, relax, convince my self that I'm way more comfortable than I actually am, tell myself to stop obsessing about laying in tub of now less than clean water and what if THIS is the bath salts that gave me that rash last time, some pinhead rings the doorbell or the phone, or one of the dogs has to go out or...

For such a babe, it's amazing how you disguise the fact that it appears your racquet is strung at about 360psi.
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From: kudrasslipper
2008-09-18 01:44 pm (UTC)
You have reminded me of one of my perennial gripes about the plumbing industry as a whole:

Why on EARTH is the bathtub designed the way it is? So you can't even lie down in it? Only my 4 year old daughter can accomplish that - and she would rather DIE of head lice than lay down in the tub on her back and get her head wet.

Men? forget it. It's not as if they're a "tub soaking" demographic, but Warriorsway can't even SIT in one comfortably. If I put my legs up on the wall above the hardware at least HALF of me is sorta comfie. Until my feet start to fall asleep.

In Pittsburgh, my ex-hubbie had a tiny little apartment in a REALLY old building, but it had the COOLEST bath tub. It was twice as high as normal ones, and not quite as long, but half of it was high and half of it was low, so you could SIT in it, as if you were sitting in a chair. And if you were really acrobatic, you could put your butt in the low part and be almost completely submerged. It was great!

But I ask you - why aren't there better tubs out there? WHY!!?!
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[User Picture]From: jack_mirth
2008-09-18 04:57 pm (UTC)
there are. there are bathtubs so luxurious that you can scuba dive in them, and they are either really expensive or located in apartments so bad that the bathtub is the sole element of "rustic charm" that desperate rentors try to push.

...or they're in england. apparently england decided to trade off water temperature and pressure for bathtubs you could raise dolphin pods in...
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From: kudrasslipper
2008-09-18 06:13 pm (UTC)
Shortly after I ranted to Turnip, I googled "deep bathtub" and sadly, the first link I followed was a copper model, priced at just over 10 THOUSAND dollars. SIGH!

The curse of good taste strikes again.
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-09-18 02:53 pm (UTC)
Okay, call me sensitive, because I just joined that target market

Ooooh, just wait a few years, hon, and see what the marketing gnomes have in store for you when you turn 50. Overnight, your mailbox fills up with 2nd class midlife crisis.
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[User Picture]From: giantsloth
2008-09-18 03:55 pm (UTC)
When confronted with a difficult decision, I often ask myself "what would Happy Satan do?"
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[User Picture]From: regineaubergine
2008-09-19 01:38 am (UTC)
I've been in the "target market" for a while now. Just don't have the time or patience for long soak in the bathtub, yoga, meditations, or slow martial arts like Tai Chi either. Long soak in a bubbling hot tub is another matter alltogether. Can soak in one of those for a while. Plenty of room to spread out, space for libations on the side, and the whole point is about just relaxing. My deal with normal regular bathroom activities at home is to get in and done as expeditiously as possible. No way this room is a "sanctuary for quality time." Main goal for TP is that it holds up well in use and doesn't run out too fast (also that it's there when you need it, regardless of quality or softness). In my somewhat limited experience, England has great soaking tubs because their showers totally suck. Guess it's a cultural thing combined with very old plumbing.


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