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Back away from the bacon, and no one will get hurt - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Back away from the bacon, and no one will get hurt [Oct. 28th, 2008|09:55 am]
terribleturnip
Look I love bacon as much as the next person....

Wait, no, more than the next person. I will send it as a gift. I will do tastings. I have four different kinds in the freezer right now.

But I’m calling to a halt to gratuitous baconing.

You know what? It doesn’t really belong in chocolate. I came to that conclusion last night, washing down my rum with various chocolates (I know, you’d think I’d be washing down the chocolates with rum…but that would imply a different PROPORTION from what the evening’s agenda actually was). And the bacon chocolate was simply too much. It was an interesting flavor, but at the end of it, my mouth felt...dirty. And not in a good way. The meat fat with the chocolate fat was just too much. Too damn fat. Too cloying.

The smoky part was good, as was the salty part, leading me to wonder if smoked almonds in chocolate wouldn’t be the better choice here. Which led me to thinking that smoked almonds in chocolate and caramel, tying together my love of salted caramels with...but I digress.

Just because you CAN put bacon in something, doesn’t mean you should. I’m all about cooking with bacon fat, using bacon as a garnish, a flavor enhancer, but judiciously. But we’ve gone overboard.

It’s so damn...American. And not in a good way. More, more, more, more. A doughnut, covered in maple frosting, covered with bacon bits. That’s too damn much. Too much fat, too much sugar, too damn much. Fatty, mcfat, fat.

I crave the subtle, the mellow blending of flavors. Show some f-ing restraint! Make a maple shortbread cookie and garnish it with bacon. Even a plain non-raised doughnut made with bacon.

Adding bacon to macaroni and cheese is fine, but again, it’s just layering fatty cloying on top of fatty cloying. One fatty cloy is enough. Better would be mac and cheese with bacon and TOMATOES – get a little acid going to make all of the flavors pop. I’d throw in sautéed chard or beet greens or spinach myself, so that it was visually interesting and less puke-looking, but that’s just me. I understand if the tomatoes are enough of a veg addition and if the visual stimulation of a green veg, not to mention the vitamins and minerals would ruin your mac and cheese experience. (Although it’s f-ing awesome, if I say so myself.)

On a blog, I find a picture of an apple pie with a lattice top of bacon, over top of regular piecrust! No, no, no, no. Especially since I know, in my dark, misanthropic, glasshalfempty heart of hearts, that they didn’t scale back the sugar and cinnamon. No, I’m sure they just added the freaking bacon.

Look, there’s nothing wrong with bacon and apples. Render a slice or two of diced bacon, crisp the bacon bits, pull them out, set them aside. Now sear two salt & pepper seasoned pork chops or a pork tenderloin to brown, then put the pork in the oven to finish. In the pan, ½ cup of (pick one) white wine, apple or hard cider to deglaze, a dash of cider or malt vinegar, toss in one or two peeled, sliced apples, a tablespoon of (pick one) sugar, brown sugar, maple sugar, redcurrant or lingonberry preserves. Simmer til apples are softened, pour over pork. Garnish with bacon.

And if you want to make an apple and bacon pie, go for it. But really, you scale back on the sugar, pull back on the baking spices and then you don’t lay the bacon on the top like that so that you’re eating a slice of pie with a bacon corpse on top! Chop the bacon, cook the bacon, use the bacon INSIDE, with the apples, where it belongs. Laying it on top of the pie crust...that’s like dry-humping. It’s not fair to the bacon OR the apples. Let them mingle, under the covers, where the flavors can develop and become MORE.

Respect your flavors, don’t just layer them on, more and more and more. Gah! It's the culinary equivalent of an eight year old run amok at the perfume counter at Macy’s.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: sestree
2008-10-28 02:08 pm (UTC)
Does this mean you don't want the dates (stuffed with almond) wrapped in bacon?

*snicker*

I've noticed the bacon craze and I have to agree with the acidic bit. That's what makes a BLT really rock - the bite of the tomato with the salty yummy of the bacon -- or my personal favourite of tart (only tart) berry preserves and crisp bacon on wheat toast. YUM !!!

Great - now I'm hungry and BK don't deliver .......
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-10-28 02:08 pm (UTC)
Laying it on top of the pie crust...that’s like dry-humping.

Presenting SIMILE WIN for the day.
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[User Picture]From: sweetpea86
2008-10-28 02:37 pm (UTC)
SCORE
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[User Picture]From: macdobhran
2008-10-28 02:14 pm (UTC)
My name is Gareth MacDobhran and I approve this message.
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[User Picture]From: sweetpea86
2008-10-28 02:36 pm (UTC)
Goddamn you, Mer--now I have to go downstairs and buy some frickin' bacon.

get the paddles ready...
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-10-28 02:43 pm (UTC)
http://www.nodinesmokehouse.com/

Go ahead, you want it.

Ignore the slightly cheesy website -- they're baconmakers, not webmasters.

Damn good bacon. And sausage.
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[User Picture]From: dawntreader90
2008-10-28 02:57 pm (UTC)
so like, you all will be wanting a subscription to the Bacon of the Month club for christmas, right?
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[User Picture]From: meapet
2008-10-28 04:41 pm (UTC)
I guess I'm just more traditional in seeing bacon as a cooking aid and tasty breakfast meat. I just can't comprehend adding it to a dessert. I mean I love salt and chocolate together in a fantastic amalgamation, but I think meat and chocolate for me just isn't something my simple palate could handle.
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[User Picture]From: 3fingeredsalute
2008-10-28 10:21 pm (UTC)
You REALLY need to try my bacon-brittle!
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[User Picture]From: fountaingirl
2008-10-28 06:38 pm (UTC)
Cinnamon rolls with just a *wee* bit of maple bacon.

Real Swedish ginger cookies made with some black pepper, and with bacon fat as the shortening agent instead of buttah.

OH BACON, YOU UNDERSTAND ME, AND I LOVE YOU SO.

*ahem* There may be a reason my pants are tight these days.
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[User Picture]From: faithellen
2008-10-28 06:43 pm (UTC)
I must bring you bacon from my butcher. Or, you must come down and have it. And their sausages...veal chipolata with black truffle and pistachio? Sex.
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-10-28 09:57 pm (UTC)
Have you been to coco sala yet? They have salted caramel hot chocolate....
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