|Wrinkles. I has them.
||[Nov. 20th, 2009|04:49 pm]
(Why do I use that LOLspeak? It makes me freaking nuts....my only consolation is that I think I was doing phrases like that BEFORE any cat went cheeseburger begging on the internet.) |
No, I'm not talking about on me. I mean, I've got those, too. Thanks to Danish blubber skin and a bunch of extra pounds (take THAT, skinny crows-footed chicks!) I'm less wrinkled than many of my same-age cohort. Despite several misguided years seeking tans, working as a lifeguard, dismissing hats and sunglasses.
Damn. I'd probably look half my age, if I stayed my un-sunned natural jaundiced-white skin tone. Oh, well, I could probably REMEMBER things if I hadn't pickled half my brain. I have them. But not the attention span to really give a rat's patoot.
The wrinkles I'm talking about (yo, catch up, follow the thought train, consider using the seatbelt) are in my clothes.
Yes, I can wrinkle wrinkle-free clothes. By leaving them in a pile for days, you scoff?
Pah! Amateur. I can wrinkle them by taking them quickly out of the dryer and hanging them up immediately. On nice hangars. With appropriate airspace around them once hung. Hell, I can almost watch the wrinkles appear as I reach up to the closet bar to hang them up. Zhoop! Wrinkled. THIS is my superpower.
This is unfair. (I think I may try standing next to some hot chick I don't like, some snotty self-centered you-know-what, and see if I can't bring on the crowsfeet just by hanging out with her. Although that would mean hanging out with...always a goddamn flaw, isn't there?)
The Capain can take clothes out of the dryer, stuff them, all balled up, into a laundry basket, let them age several days, then fold them and....bing, all the wrinkles are gone. What's up with that? Totally unfair.
Although me being a smart cookie, a brainy delegator, a wrinkler of the unwrinklable, I'm sure you can guess who's been appointed laundry czar at our house.
And I'm really hoping that he keeps the wrinkles off of me. Although he needs to sharpen his anti-sagging powers before I get too much older....