||[Feb. 4th, 2010|09:39 am]
I've been at work for two hours, have had to pee three times and am cracking open my third diet mountain dew. This is not including the "before I left the house" dew. This does not bode well. |
I'm trying to work on a spreadsheet and my eyesight is blurry today. I can enlarge the spreadsheet, but of course, it has gabillion columns and I need most of them. Plus I am spreadsheet impaired. When I "hide" a column, it goes into the witness protection program and even I can't find it again.
Despite having my usual cottage cheese and toast for breakfast, plus a sneak bit of leftover tuna noodle casserole (yes, cold, for breakfast. I loves me my redneck casserole, even cold. Probably because I put $18 a pound parmesan cheese into it, which is, I guess, Connecticut Redneck.)But despite all of that food, and it only being 9am, I am obsessing over food and would hurt a loved one for a Reuben sandwich right now.
But it's not. Just look at my inability to write large letters with any kind of regularity. Have you seen me in a short skirt? (Okay, you seven who saw me at Celtic Fling in a kilt, vouch for me here.) I don't stand like a cheerleader, I stand like Braveheart.
There are some things I can twirl, but a pom-pom isn't one of them. Or is that batons? Do you shake pom-poms and twirl batons? (See?)
I had a baton once. You can just imagine what a baton, my innate grace, faulty depth perception -- and a propensity for lurching and sudden violent movements....well, you don't have to be a math wiz for THAT equation.
Anyway. I don't care that Tai Shan, the panda, is leaving us. Bye. Don't let the door hit your roly-poly white ass on the way out. I've never been fond of pandas. The hype. The fact that they've evolved to eat only a single food source and breed poorly...let's face it, they're one of Mother Nature's discontinued species. If they were on a shelf, they'd have one of those secret little dots on the shelflabel that tells the retail stockers that this item is being phased out.
There are just hundreds of far more fascinating animals -- cuter, more interesting, more worthwile of standing in line, or being crowded for. Plus the Panda-thing is sort of like the Stadium-thing to me. It's a buttload of money that, sure, spikes attendance, tourism, jobs, development...but never as much as what it costs. Take the money you were going to spend on pandas/sports stadiums, put it in savings account and at the end of ten years, odds are the savings account will have produced a larger net gain.
I got a neon pink flyer on my care advertising apartments in a local development "starting as low as 1400's!". I have some grammar issues there. It took me a long time to parse that out. A one bedroom, one bath apartment for $1400 a month, they mean. Yikes. Okay, it's got all sorts of luxury stuff. But still, that's more than the mortage on my house. And more importantly, if I'm the type of person who is going to be jazzed by paying that much for granite countertops, pool memberships, concierge service...is a neon pink flyer, poorly written, going to make me say "oooh, hey...."?
Marketing 101, people.
All right, back to the joys of telling Hotel Chain Unnamed what kind of napkin they should be using....