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[Mar. 22nd, 2010|08:49 am]
So, I see this article:


about some guy getting stabbed with a meat thermometer after complaining about someone else's cell phone use during a movie.

And, because I'm a sloppy reader -- having already read a headline this weekend about the pope issuing an Irish apology about sex abusem and thinking, is that anything like a Polish repair? You know, when you whack the side of the television to fix it? Some of you are so young that you can't fathom why that would help. Whack a digital and you might as well order a new one. But yes, it used to be, back when there were essentially four television stations: CBS, NBC, ABC and PBS, whacking the side helped with reception.

Some of you, who are Polish, might find that joke offensive. Especially since I'm not Polish, nor was my father. Here: How can you tell which is the bride at a WASP wedding? She's the one kissing the golden retriever. Even? No? What's the proper attire for a WASP wedding? Talbots, accessorized with dog or horse hair. I think you might have to be a WASP to get that one. Cracks us up, though. Which leads to a joke about WASP humor, but I am already far afield aren't I?

Anyway, the Irish apology: oh, begorrah, I'm so sorry, I'd better drown my sorrow in another Guinness. Ah, god, the time is passed, I couldn't make that funny with a dismembered clown.

Anyway, just take my word for it, I read the headline wrong, it was actually "Pope apologizes for Irish sex abuse" and you'll have to take my word for it that it was funny as hell when I read it wrong. Actually, now that I look at the actual headline, that's almost even funnier.

Let's face it, any sentence that includes "Pope", "Sex", and "Nationality of choice" is comedy gold.

But I digress.

So I read the movie/cell phone/stabbing headline and assumed that some guy, driven to the very limits of his ability to tolerate ignorant pinheads, just lost it and finally stabbed that self-centered bitch who had to check her phone every three minutes throughout the movie because clearly, the outside world could not do without her for 2 freaking hours. Not that I've been there.

Okay, I've been there. It just never occurred to me to pack a meat thermomenter. Meat thermometer, what an interesting choice? Why the hell was he carrying around a meat thermometer?!??!

But then I read more carefully, after lassoing my mind, which was fair careening around the room with possibilities, and realized that the guy had complained and the person who was being complained about left the movie with her friends and they came back and stabbed the guy who had complained. Which is just criminal and they all should be hung. No, seriously, I feel pretty strongly about being a dick in a movie theater -- and to take criticism so badly, WHEN YOU ARE IN THE WRONG -- and then go out, and purchase a weapon and come back and attack the person.

Well, that speaks to a serious quantity of sociopathy, coupled with the ability to plan and really, can you think of a way in which the world would not be improved by removing someone who is not only rude, but would then get so bitter about being criticized, that they'd be willing to give up the movie, go buy a meat thermometer and then come BACK to attach the guy?

Seriously? Because if they were buying a meat thermometer, they had to be someplace that also sold kitchen KNIVES. So, in choosing a THERMOMETER, they were either being cleverly ironic, or just plain old stupid. Either way...time to drain the gene pool.

But next time we're out together and you see me with a meat thermometer in my pocket, I'll bet you resist the urge to check your phone for messages...

[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2010-03-22 03:30 pm (UTC)
Or you could just wear a t-shirt that says, "I have a meat thermometer in my pocket."
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[User Picture]From: russell_moore
2010-03-22 03:49 pm (UTC)
meat thermometer as weapon of choice ... hmmmmm

nope ... can't quite get my mind around that

initially I thought it had some comedic value, as in one of the Robin Hood movies where the sheriff says he'll cut Robin's heart out with a spoon and when asked why by his brother says "because it'll hurt"

but this meat thermometer thing just has no such comedic kick ... it is just strange

maybe the person was on the phone when they bought it so didn't realize they weren't buying a knife? evidence seems to indicate that person is in fact that stupid
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[User Picture]From: giantsloth
2010-03-22 10:44 pm (UTC)
They don't make movie patrons peace-tie their meat thermometers in LA? How odd.
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[User Picture]From: warriorsway
2010-03-23 11:17 am (UTC)
:: doesn't make a joke ::
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