|Does anyone have any carbon?
||[May. 20th, 2010|11:09 am]
Because seriously, I could probably just look at it and turn it into diamonds. I'm not going to bore us with all of the various pressures -- needless to say, they are legion and they are bigger and badder than ever and have so triggered by focus-impairment, that I am mentally racing from on thing to another, with the attention span of a ferret and all of the time I think I'll never get it done, never, never, never. |
Until I am paralyzed, like a mustelid, with the snake of has-to-get-done, reared up and hypnotizing me with its side to side motion and I want to frantically scrabble in one direction or another, but I just can't seem to draw enough breath to make a move.
But other than that, I'm fine, how are you?
Sigh. There is a peony blossom in the vase on my desk. It is the size of a baby's head, all pink and ruffled and fragrant. And I find myself looking at it constantly and picking it up to take a direct hit of fragrance near every half an hour.
And it anchors me. It reminds me of all of the wonderful. And that five years ago, I spent an entire weekend digging out beds and planting peony roots. And they've grown over the years to now be two giant masses of plants by the deck and two smaller individual plants by the front steps. And right now they are glorious. Because sometimes things worth having can take a lot of hard work and a long time to pay off.
And no matter how hard I try to shake them off, there are always some ant hitchhikers who wind up crawling around on my desk. But that's okay, because nothing is completely perfect and beautiful. There are always ants and that's normal.
And they are here for such a short time. Already the early blooming plants are blown out and dropping browning petals on the ground. Because beauty is transient.
And the rain can knock the living crap out of them, bowing their heads, blowing off their petals. If they can dry off, they rise up. If the rain is unmerciful, they bloom as they can, then hunker down, drop the blossoms and spend the summer storing energy so that they can come back bigger and better next year.
Always have an anchor.
Last winter I turned to gravity and Reiki. Those two things managed to keep me relatively sane enough to not totally screw up every relationship I have. Things are still occasionally massively bad- but then they're not and I don't know what to pin the changes on: dark, diet, habit, past crap, future fears, I don't know what. I hate not knowing. I'm not USED TO NOT KNOWING. I'm a semi-pro know-it-all! How dare my skills let me down now!
Sigh. I don't know nuthin.
OMG - that was really great. I mean it. Inspiring words that I want to copy & paste somewhere to read (cause sometimes I need a peony/daffodil myself).
This is lovely, thank you.