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Today's Most Hated Word [Jun. 3rd, 2010|02:16 pm]
Man Cave.

Ick. For starters, the first thing I think of when I hear that phrase is NOT a room designed for a man. I think of some recess, some orifice, on a big fat sweaty guy. Like, "omigod he bent over and I could totally see his man cave". Ick.

When I can finally convince my brain to LET GO. DROP IT. and realize that they're talking about a room designed for a guy's pleasure...filled with porn and beer?

Oh, no, a room filled with a big-ass television with various a/v acoutrements, a cool stereo, maybe a pool table, maybe a poker table, questionable decor, recliners, definitely a bar...and I think, gee, when the hell did that become a man cave? We used to call it a family room. Because the FAMILY watched television or played pool, or whatever.

Now it's just the MAN'S room?

So, what room gets to be the woman-cave? The kitchen? Oh, you WOULDN'T! The bathroom?

Really, are men such fragile flowers that they need their own room to hide away? The idea of men needing a space to retreat to...serously, could we get any more sexist?

Although personally, I think everyone should have a room (given space) that is their territory -- to decorate, to control. But a cave, really? Dudes, caves are dark, moist and filled with bat shit....

Ah, I see I've answered my own question.

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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2010-06-03 10:42 pm (UTC)
But with bachelors isn't the entire living space the man cave?
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[User Picture]From: dreamtigress
2010-06-03 06:46 pm (UTC)
I want the pool table in my whatever-you-want-to-call-it room. My ideal basement entertainment room would have the big tv, decent stereo system, well stocked bar, pool table, air hockey table, recliners and a huge couch, and friends to enjoy those things with on a regular basis. ::grin:: I wonder what that says.
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[User Picture]From: russell_moore
2010-06-03 06:52 pm (UTC)
I prefer to call mine my PMS bunker
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[User Picture]From: acroyear70
2010-06-03 07:28 pm (UTC)
the "woman-cave" in our house is faireraven's craft room, with the bins of fabric, knitting yarn and needles, patterns, and much more (plus it doubled as the garb closet and guest bedroom, kept cat-free).

but yeah, i hold to the "man cave" attitude to the tv room for one main reason: to keep her from leaving too many unfinished crafty projects in there. its for her own good: it keeps the bat shit off of them.

Update: and in any case, the kitchen is MINE.

Edited at 2010-06-03 07:30 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2010-06-03 07:39 pm (UTC)

Yes This !

We used to call it a family room. Because the FAMILY watched television or played pool, or whatever.


I'm not a big fan of different family members *needing* a place to be just.their.own to hide away.

We used to like to hang with each other. Granted the kids weren't allowed in the bedroom (and having boys? that went both ways ::shudder::) but we liked being together.

It gave us a socially accepted outlet to call names, threaten death and/or dismemberment and disown.

You may call it child abuse - we called it bonding :)
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[User Picture]From: acroyear70
2010-06-03 08:42 pm (UTC)

Re: Yes This !

it isn't a case of not wanting to be together, so much as having *1* room (each) where what is in it and what goes on in it isn't subject to compromise.

the idea is that if a man has one room he's able to say he controls the look of and direct the activities that take place in there (and lets just leave the sexual innuendo/implications alone, this is just for living in), then he's less likely to complain about the amount of compromising he has to do and care he has to take in all of the other spaces, public or private.

in this room, *i* get to decide what's on the walls, what's on the shelves, where the computer is, where the tv and couches are (within the limits of physics and where the builders actually put the plugs), and can limit what of my wife's hobbies can be brought into it. i don't have to compromise, i don't have to put up with "you want to put that WHERE?" comments. It is simply mine to control.

by giving me a room to control, I don't have to feel like i'm never in control, which many men feel and often react to by either spending too little time in the house (say, down at the pub watching sports). if they never feel like the house is their's, then why stay in it?

but it goes both ways - if the man has a room that's his (for some, it isn't the tv room, but maybe the garage with its tools, or the office and library), then so too the spouse should have one exclusive room as well. for my parents, dad always had a game room (he collects and plays classic (hex-based) wargames), and mom had the library of her scifi/mystery books (that doubles for an office).

giving each side a space to not have to compromise often makes it easier for the spaces where everything (on both sides) is compromised and both parties often have equal veto rights, particularly the living room and bedroom.

Edited at 2010-06-03 08:43 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2010-06-03 09:52 pm (UTC)

Re: Yes This !

We never did that -- even here in Maryland-land we never did.

We sorta compromised. The closest we've come to *her* room and *his* room was when the cable was working in the bedroom. Then if I wasn't interested in The Military Channel, I could watch something else. Since it went out (and no we haven't gotten it fixed), we compromise more -- yes even without the kids.

Do I like a LaZBoy taking up 1/3 of the living room? aesthetically? probably not but it's Jon's chair so it stays. That way I can be with him instead of him being somewhere and me being somewhere else.

I think I'm speaking more from a mid-western upbringing though. We never had enough rooms in the house to have *hers* and *his* ... farmhouses aren't exactly conducive to those things :D
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2010-06-03 10:41 pm (UTC)
Glenn has his own office which does look a bit cave-like because it's messy and crammed with too many books and too much computer stuff.

If he didn't have his own room I would give him no end of grief because I can't stand clutter and messes, but seems okay with the state of his office. At least with his own space he can be as messy as he likes without me bugging him or even worse, just clearing out stuff in a mad cleaning frenzy some day.

I have my own office for instruments and costumes and... well, sadly the changing table and crib are now in there, too. But I wanted to keep a room free for guests so there was nowhere else for the baby stuff to go. I guess I could joke that the baby is one of my projects.
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[User Picture]From: dawntreader90
2010-06-04 01:59 pm (UTC)
i think your project in progress is coming along nicely. :)
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[User Picture]From: dawntreader90
2010-06-04 02:01 pm (UTC)
i guess my stepdad had one, but it was called "the den." it was the only room in the house where my mom let him smoke his pipe. he had a little tv, his drawing table, a rocker/recliner thing, etc.

i like "den" better than "cave" but i suppose the principle is the same.
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