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Friday Two-fer [Sep. 10th, 2010|04:23 pm]
Actually, the first post today was written on yesterday's lunchbreak and just tweaked today and whee, I'm stuck in the office for lunch again!

Shush, be very quiet. I'm carefully cultivating a zit the size on Kilimanjaro, on my chin. Because I felt so badly about my friends who don't like having uncomplimentary pictures taken, I will sabotage every picture taken of me this weekend, no matter how hard I try to look good with the Giant Pimple of Doom.

I have been exceedingly mean lately and have resolved to do better. I come from a long line of very mean women. Mean in a funny way. Mean in a painfully truthful kind of way. And funny as hell, if you're not the target. Last night on the phone, talking about family drama -- not immediate family drama, we don't have any, but extended family, certainly -- I made some snarky comment about a relative and my mother asked "did you actually SAY that to her?" And I said, "No, of course not, she just would have been hurt and it wouldn't have changed anything." And my mother said "Oh, you're a better person than I am. I would have had to have said it. I guess there IS hope that we're managing to dilute it generation by generation."

Seriously, you could have bred a line of Roast Comedians from my matrilineal line. (that is, comedians who do roasts, not actual cooked comedians. Comedy is too bitter to eat, generally.) But I will hang on to being less mean/more caring than my mother. And way less than the Grand Dame of As Long as it's Aimed at Someone Else, it's Hysterical.

Let's see how long the nice lasts, shall we?

But this is a total stranger, right, who has no idea I'm making fun of him, right?


There are so many wrong ideas here, it's hard to know where to start. When your evening starts with "let's play a drinking game: whoever drinks the LEAST, we'll set on fire" it's really not going to get ANY smarter. Let's face it, THAT was your high IQ moment. Applying alcohol and then actual flame...well, that's how you wind up in a ditch on the side of the road with your prosthetic leg on fire, any idiot can see that.

Have they never heard of Quarters or Beer Pong?

When people say to me that we should privatize health care and social security so that people can make their own decisions....these guys are POSTER children for why that is a bad idea.

I'm probably the last person on the block to discover Inko's Iced White Teas -- but the Blueberry and the Peach rock!

Try not to use lemons right now, they are at historic highs.

Went to Qdoba for the first time and left highly unimpressed. The offerings looked good, but it was like a low-rent Chipotle -- which is sometimes a little too salty, a little too spicy for me -- but the Qdoba pendulum is swung way over into the bland enough for a nursing home territory. Although I'll admit, sometimes a given location is not a good indicator: Wheaton Baja Fresh, blech. Rockville and King Farm branches, much better. If Wheaton was my first experience, I wouldn't have gone back. So, if someone out there has a different Qdoba experience, let me know.

All right, kiddos, time to head out. (Nice, nice, be NICE....)

[User Picture]From: sestree
2010-09-10 10:01 pm (UTC)
well darling if you find yourself looking too gorgeous come stand next to me - I always look like hell.

but I have fun doing it.

I still say my family tops yours because we threatened to put someone in a coffin the day before the uncle's funeral for bidding too high without the ace trump.

pitch darling - we don't play bridge in our redneck group - it doesn't go with plastic cups and death threats.

Bonus points for my Grandmother offering the Priest a drink at my second wedding to my first husband because "after this mess we all need one". :D
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[User Picture]From: skivee
2010-09-11 01:21 am (UTC)

I have been exceedingly mean lately

...ah, I think I forgot to wind my calendar
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2010-09-11 04:01 am (UTC)

Re: I have been exceedingly mean lately

Look, go easy on yourself. It's not like we haven't had a ton of material to snark on.
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2010-09-11 04:05 am (UTC)
I've found the food at the Chipotle in Kentlands to be too salty.

I believe there are many journalists who wait their whole careers for the chance to write a lead like that.
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[User Picture]From: sweetpea86
2010-09-13 07:06 pm (UTC)
Look, being mean AND funny is a gift.
Being *just* mean, is well, ya know, mean.

Don't fight what you are. Jesus, getting older is a fucking LICENSE to be BRUTALLY HONEST. The difference is that you're a bitch when you're younger, but A Real Character when you're older. (see "Elaine Stritch")

I plan on riding the wave until I take my dirt nap.

ps: Qdoba's guac is TEH SUCK.
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[User Picture]From: bittibuddha
2010-09-15 08:07 pm (UTC)
i saw this and thought of you. If anyone could run everything associated with a retail/historial/educational site, it would be you. xox

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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2010-09-17 12:04 pm (UTC)
Oh, that would be so much fun! If only it wasn't in Jamestown. I'm as far south as I'll ever live...
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