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Cautious optimism [Nov. 3rd, 2010|01:32 pm]
Because optimistic is not in my nature. Well, no. That's not true. Contrary beats out Pessimism in the Rock, Paper, Scissors of my nature. So, if I'm surrounded by doom and gloom, I will be found on the bright side. Which feels as odd to me as you might imagine.

I can't decide whether I'm still sick or not. I was NOT sick -- 24 hours into the antibiotics, I was a new person. A new person with the same old achey joints...but still, I could breathe again and the fat man on my chest had moved to the corner stool at Dunkin Donuts. Which was great for two days...until well....let's just say that if these antibiotics could do to "foreign country currently up to no-good" what they did to my insides, there would be NO MORE WAR.

So, now it's the great debate -- will it rebound, should I take something else, how badly do I want to breathe...but we'll let the medical profession debate that. Another few rounds of phone tag with the doctor and I may just let time decide. I do not feel as well as I did...on the other hand, I've also had several days of...extraordinary effort expended, let us say.

It is already Day 3 of the month you're supposed to post every day. NaMoBlahBlah or something. I tend to not want to participate in things that sound like fake Indian summer camp names. Although I do want to post more often. Otherwise my head clogs up with "issues" and then I need to subdue my inner tongue-lash with alcohol.

Which is great for the Adult Beverage industry, but not so great for my liver. And I do come dangerously close to failing to administer the dosage in time and come perilously close to lashing out. A 12 year old Caol Ila arrived just in time last night, mere nanoseconds before I shared how I REALLY FEEL.

And NO ONE wants to hear that sh*t.

I am also cautiously optimistic about the weekend. Also screamingly terrified. It's my first free weekend since...August 7th. I tear up a little thinking about that. I mean, what the HELL is wrong with me?

I have practically had to drug myself to keep from setting up social events. I'm feeling the need to make this weekend just about me and the Captain. Period.

But still -- what to do, what to do? Sure, go ahead, suggest that we just stay in and do nothing. Relax. Nap. Suffer from indigestion looking around at the housekeeping and house maintenance disasters in every single room. Wake up on Monday with a case of yawning despair because I had one free weekend and I BLEW it on sleeping in and laying around.

So many things I want to do, but which ones? What will be more fulfilling, seeing the live animals at the zoo? Check in on my Washington critters to whom I'm pretty attached, or see the Baltimore critters because it's been years. Or the new exhibits down at Natural History, some of them not even that NEW anymore.

Will I be okay with scheduling just a certain number of hours for cleaning out closets? Will it be more frustrating to stop half finished, or more frustrating to spend the whole weekend and have a house worth living in again, but not having done anything fun?

Honestly, I am about to burst into tears just trying to decide.

And the worst part is this: no matter what, it can NOT live up to the expectations I have of a free weekend, having been denied one for 3 months.

So, no matter what I do, it won't be enough. Or little enough. Or...augh!

Maybe if I PLAN on being disappointed, that will go horribly awry.

[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2010-11-03 05:40 pm (UTC)
Yes! Plan on being disappointed! Diminished expectations work incredibly well for me.

I don't know if you've been privvy to the FB conversation, but one Baltimore local I know just said that she recently visited the Baltimore Zoo and it has... almost no animals? I know, crazy, but apparently the zoo has gone severely downhill because of a near-incompetent director.

So you might want to give that a miss unless you actually want to schedule in some disappointment into your weekend.
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[User Picture]From: im_geva
2010-11-03 07:09 pm (UTC)
Do nothing. Sleep. A lot. Getting healthy could be a great goal that doesn't require a lot of effort other than much needed sleep.

Well, okay, here's a different goal: go out to lunch to a place you really like and haven't been to since before August.

Here's another goal, relax. I know that's way harder than anything else I've suggested, but worth a shot.
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[User Picture]From: bittibuddha
2010-11-03 07:10 pm (UTC)
I'm not going to offer advice on what you should do with your glorious, conflicted "free" weekend. Instead, I will simply state I deeply sympathize with the situation. There are no perfect answers here.
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