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terribleturnip

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I don't get... [Feb. 3rd, 2011|04:41 pm]
terribleturnip


Seven Layer Dip. Don't get me wrong. You put it out at a party, and I will be on it like a turkey on a mailtruck. (Go ahead. Google it. I'll wait.) But yet, every single bite, I'll think "Bad idea." This should be served hot and bubbling. Why does everyone serve this cold? Why cold? Shredded Cheese must be heated to be edible. Otherwise it's just high calorie tasteless rubber. Refried beans are just salty foodpaste until they're heated up.

And I'll walk away and shove something else into the maw. But I will probably come back again. Because Guacamole, I wish I knew how to quit you. (Vaguely obscure movie reference) And the next bite, I'll be thinking the SAME thing.

Ashton Kutcher. Other than Demi Moore's squeeze...I don't know. I don't get the appeal. He's that guy that gets invited everywhere. And is just on that borderline of "I KNOW, but he can be fun sometimes." Like he's playing that ADORABLE card. Just a bit too hard.

Sliders. What's the point there? Soooo, let me get this straight, I'm going to be eating LESS meat and MORE bread, AND I'm going to pay extra because they're CUTE? No. Give me the real deal. Plus...they don't slide. So, it's a lie. Plus...the more I think about it, the more repulsed I am about food that DOES slide. Ick.

Ted Danson, David Boreanaz and other supposedly swoon-creating men, who have a Neanderthal-like forehead slab and eyebrow shelf. They may be nice guys. Or not. But incredibly handsome? Er, um, let's just say I could be arm-twisted into saying it's their charming personalities that are attractive. But that's all I've got. Maybe in person...I'm not very tall, so I wouldn't have to feel as if I needed to keep peering under the ledge to see their eyes. Although if it rained, I'd get distracted -- because THEN I'll be that ledge really comes in handy keeping their mascara dry.

Crazy Colored Icing Poo's. I'm not positive which I find more repulsive, the giant turd of icing shape, or the violent, never found in nature, stain your teeth, lips and clothing colors. But it needs to stop. Please, o, please, pledge to buy only vaguely naturally colored cakes made with icing that is distributed so that you can't actually sink your teeth entirely into the depth of icing without hitting cake. Unless you're on the very edge of an edge piece. And have small teeth. Admittedly, if the icing tasted like butter or cream, the WAY IT SHOULD, instead of sweetened hydrogenated something...soylent GREEN probably...I wouldn't be so adamant. I mean, who doesn't love a BUTTER POO?!?! But really, pledge to do better. Our children don't even know what icing is supposed to taste like anymore. Ke-rist on a cake topper, even Betty Crocker in a can is a better choice.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: skivee
2011-02-04 05:42 am (UTC)

icing tasted like butter or cream, the WAY IT SHOULD

right. I hate that so much of icing these days seems to be Crisco mixed 50/50 with corn syrup...and fluorescent dyes
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: mistressfetch
2011-02-04 04:38 pm (UTC)
Butter Poo...Paula would be proud :-)
(Reply) (Thread)