|We musn't let anything happen to Piggy, must we?
||[Jul. 13th, 2011|11:26 am]
So over the past couple of weeks, my computer's been down for most of the day, TWICE. Our phone system has been having problems, so on Friday, we lost all of our voicemails. Monday I was at the Fancy Food Show, when the phones went down again. Tuesday, no phones...and no electricity in half of our building. To make it interesting, it's a left half/right half split. I was lucky enough to be on the "Have" side of the building, because this is not a good time of year to be on the sunny side of the hermetically sealed top floor. |
However all of the "stuff" that allows us electronic interface with the outside world...would be located on the Have-Not side. Which was sort of cool, an enforced "time to clean up your desk, file stuff and delete all of those e-mails you really don't need any more but haven't had time to take care of. In my case, over 500 of those buggers -- and there are probably another 900 that need to go the same route, except they've been vaulted, so it's just the link to them I need to delete...but of course that requires outside access, so I was stuck.
And there was my theme for the day -- recognition of how damn often I need to touch the internet in order to do my job. Okay, with a little bit of smugness because I keep hard copies of my contracts and pricing and contacts and all of that other stuff that most people couldn't access all day because it was on the network. And the Internet apparently lives on the Have-Not side of the building. As well as the thing that makes the network...er, network. Whatever. It's like television and sound...theoretically I know how it works, but at some point, my grasp on it gets fuzzy and my head has agreed that we'll let other people worry about that because when the apocalypse comes, my knowledge of edible plants, herbal remedies, livestock husbandry, and good/bad bugs, and ability to swing a hammer, ax or cricket bat will be in high demand.
(That's a Shaun of the Dead reference in case you missed it. You got that I started with Lord of the Flies, right? Part of my campaign to make sure you fill any gaping holes in your education. Because seriously, you need to read/see this stuff if you're going to hang with me. Plus "estivate". You should know what that means. Last time I used it in conversation, someone accused me of talking about GIRL things. Yo, you ignorant twat, that's not a GIRL thing.)
Anyway -- so yesterday, we were pretty cut off -- at one point the phones came back up and that sort of sucked, since then I spent the rest of the day explaining to people why I couldn't answer their questions, finish their project, etc. Okay, NOT the rest of the day. That expletive lasted about an hour before I wised up and put a message on my phone that said were cut off and there would be a delay in all responses. Aaaand, to prove my point, I just got an e-mail from the Entity that runs our network/systems asking that if you still do not have access or whatever you need to work today (the network is back up, thanks to a dozen serious extension cords connecting the Haves and the Have Nots downstairs) please e-mail the Entity. Dear Entity, if I did NOT have access, I would NOT get your message and would NOT be able to tell you. This, my friend, is why, when the Zombie Apocalypse comes, you will not survive and I will. Plus, you're pretty hefty and I know how to butcher and make jerky.
Today, the Have's have air conditioning, phone, network acess, internet access. The Have Not's have network/internet acess on faltering laptop batteries. In the dark. So many of the Have Not's have moved into our half of the building, filling the offices and cubes of people on travel or vacation. Unfortunately for me and my long-term career prospects, our CEO is squatting in the office at the end of my aisle. Which means that I will be taking a vow of silence today, proximity to authority tends to bring out my inner 12 year old and it's just a matter of time until I drop an F-bomb or some hysterical, yet completely inappropriate metaphor.
Building management, in an attempt to appease us for the inconvenience, is bringing us all lunch today, which hopefully will keep us from putting someone's head on a stake.
(Again with Lord of the Flies. Seriously, you NEED to read it. Look. It's not like I'm T.S. Eliot, leaving you floundering if you don't speak French, Italian, German and Latin, haven't read The Golden Bough, Parsifal and dozens of even more obscure texts. What, no T.S. Eliot? Hmmm, how to work THOSE references into my next post. Hermaphrodites, hippopotamouses and God...THAT'LL be easy! I'm ending with Lord of the Flies again, just to give you a heads up. And, because I realized how long this is, I put in a cut. And THERE'S your T.S. Bonus points for catching the reference. It's easy as...peaches. Oooh, high five, I did it AGAIN.)
It's easy to forget, sitting here in my veal pen, that I am a lucky Have today. I am comfortable and able to perform my job. It's not until I head out to the lobby or to the Ladies Room - all Have-Not territory, that I remember. It's all dark and there's no sound, hardly anyone there, and those that are...frankly, the Have-Nots are looking resentful, so I try not to linger.
Because no one wants to be Piggy.