|Vroom, Vroom, Bazoom!
||[Jul. 31st, 2011|10:53 am]
I am test driving a bra right now. |
Wait. That doesn’t sound right. Test wearing? Whatever. You know what I mean.
Here’s the thing…I’m FUSSY and HATE clothes shopping. The only thing worse than shopping for clothes would be shopping for bras. Because at least someone’s going to SEE the clothes. (Technically speaking, someone will see the bra...but let’s face it, you get down to shirt off and very few guys are thinking “ooh, nice bra”...BOOBIES, am I right?) Besides, I’ve got special occasion bras...I’m talking about the wear every day to work kind.
Now’s where someone’s going to lecture me that I should feel pretty and sexy EVERY Day and that I’d be a happier and more content person if only I’d wear a special bra every day. Oh, please. You’re like that lady who recommended putting a bouquet of flowers inside your fridge so that every time you opened the fridge there would be something beautiful inside. You know what’s beautiful inside my fridge? When there’s no cat hair in it. (Small, achievable goals, that's me) And nothing’s spilled over and made a mess. And that big chunk of Parrano makes me happier than some flowers inside the fridge. Which, given my luck, would have been infested with some kind of bug that is now veeeerrrrryyyy slowly creeping about the fridge. Plus, I’d just knock the damn vase over.
Yes, yes, no doubt my life would be far lovelier if only when I put away sheets and pillowcases in the linen closet, I grouped them in sets, and tied them with a lovely ribbon and tucked in a sprig of lavender. Newsflash, Lady. Your life is lovelier than mine because you have the TIME and MONEY to do that expletive-deleted. Since I have no money, I had to grow the lavender myself, wash the sheets myself and I’m going to need that ribbon to wrap my mother’s birthday present in. So now I don’t have TIME to do anything but get those damn sheets in the linen closet before I spill my wine on them or one of the cats throws up on them. When I win the lottery, I will then have time to shop for lovely bras and time to choose, in the morning, which lovely bra I should wear. In the meantime, I need to find a bra that is comfortable, fits well, does the job and comes in black and either nude or pink or white or something I can wear with non-black clothing, that preferably doesn’t cost $50 apiece. So that I can buy a dozen of them and then NOT THINK ABOUT IT FOR QUITE SOME TIME. ($600 would be a LOT of thinking. And a lot of Kraft dinners.)
So, I have been wearing the same style bra for, well, about 15 years. I still haven’t psychically healed from when they discontinued my bra style 14.5 years ago and I had to pick out a new one. Hundreds of bras, dozens of stores. Thinking I knew my size, but clearly, standardization of styles in the bra industry has some distance to go. Finally finding one and then finding that after two washes, (yes, by HAND) the bra no longer resembled the bra I bought in some very crucial boob-carrying fashion.
But I am NOT waiting for Bramageddon: the inevitable canceling of my stalwart bra of choice. I recognize that the style is old and I also recognize that while still VERY FINE FOR MY AGE, the girls aren’t quite the same as they were 15 years ago. Plus, I’m tired of obsessing over the little back fat rolls that show up when I wear a tightish shirt. I know that no one ELSE seems to care about them, but I do. Yes, yes, surely losing weight would help. But let’s face it, I’m staring 50 in the face and my mother, who’s got like 2% body fat, has little fat rolls. I guess that makes them little SKIN rolls. Well, THERE’S a lovely future for me to contemplate!
So, that’s led me to this current bra – which when I put it on, was the most comfortable bra I’ve ever worn. Seriously, I wanted to WEAR IT HOME.
(Remember when they used to do that in stores? When buying something like a new pair of shoes was so special they’d say “Would you like to wear these home?” Sometimes I think that we’d be better off if purchasing something was special like that. A big occasion. Eh, what’s that, Sonny? Hand me my ear trumpet!)
And, even better, it is designed to minimize those back lines. Which it does somewhat. And I’ll settle for somewhat. But the straps are a little slide-y and the SOB does retail at $50, and I only can work the coupons so much. So, we’re not there yet. The search for the Holy Grail of Bra is still on.
Thus the test drive. Which is funny, because 10-15 years is about when I start shopping for a new car and I’m pretty sure I spend WAY more time looking for a bra than I do a car. Which explains why I drive crappy cars, perhaps.
Maybe I’ll call it a Bra Audition instead of test drive. But then I start thinking about Cattle Calls and...oh, look at the time!