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Dear So and So [Aug. 15th, 2011|11:10 am]
Dear people who put up the warning signals at the railroad/pedestrian crossing at my town's train station,
You have a lovely sign up to explain the signals -- this symbol, vaguely resembling a train barrelling down the tracks, means that the train is approaching the station. And the same symbol, lit solid, means that the train is in the station.

Wait. Seriously? Because if I am standing there, oblivious to the giant train right in front of me, BLOCKING my way across the tracks, odds are I will ALSO fail to notice the lit up signal alerting me to the fact that I can't cross the tracks because there is a train in my way. And really, if I'm that oblivious, let running gob-smacked into the side of the train be my punishment. Stop coddling people.

Dear Markets,
Stop being such wussies. Honestly, you're like a gaggle of pre-teen girls at a sleepover party watching a horror movie. One throws her hands up in the air and screams and so do all the rest. I didn't like it when I was a pre-teen myself and while it's age-appropriate behavior for them, you're grown adults now, mindless panicking flock behavior is beneath you. OMG! S&P downgraded the U.S., AIYEE, pull all your money and RUN!

I mean, where, exactly? Get your panties out of a bunch princesses, it's a much smaller world than you imagined, but it's ROUND and FINITE. Nothing's going to fall off the edge, it'll just keep rolling until it goes all the way around and levels out. Be a cowgirl, strap on your chaps and RIDE the DAMN PONY. Yeah, it'll buck a little before it settles. Big Whoop.

Dear Women who greet each other with arms flung high and high pitched screamy noises, jumping your little feet up and down,

Stop. Just...stop. You are the reason why I still have to fight for respect in a field dominated by men. Because no matter how deadly serious I am about a negotiation point, some of them just saw that scene last night, or last weekend and how seriously can you take a person who is capable of that behavior. Plus, chicken stomp their feet like that when they're confronted by a dominant bird. So, if you won't stop it in hopes that men might give us the repect we deserve, stop it because you look like a submissive chicken.