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Rocking the Awkward so you don't have to... - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Rocking the Awkward so you don't have to... [Jul. 19th, 2012|10:07 am]
terribleturnip
So, here I am, holed up in my home office, (aka, the corner of the bedroom, at least until I reclaim the actual office…which is about four free days of work) with an ice bucket and a 2 liter bottle of Diet Mountain Dew, a pile of strategy papers to write, mountains of data and I am SET.

Because they’re installing my new a/c and that’s happening right in the hallway outside the bedroom/office door. So, I made sure I can hole up here and stay out of the way, since they have to stop working anytime I leave the office. Beverage, work, music, and a window a/c unit – perfect plan.

Except that they are also between me and the bathroom. And if you want to know why I tend to overplan, plan for the worst, expect and brace myself for the worst…it’s because I know that every plan, no matter how perfect, has a full bladder lurking in it somewhere.

So, this week I’ve been busy rocking the awkward. Which is totally my band name. It started when I walked into my hair salon: “So what can we do for you today?” my stylist asks. (You have to understand that this is a salon full of inked, pierced twentysomething hipsters. I’m the stylistic equivalent of a camel wandering into the Kentucky Derby. But I say outrageous things, and my snark is a broadsword compared to their little daggers, so I’m like that fun Aunt.)

“Dude, you totally have to fix my bangs. I look like Linda Evans in Dynasty; I’ve got WINGS.”

When he recovered, “I dunno, you’re sort of rocking the retro look…”

“Oh, honey, I can’t even rock the here and now. I mostly rock the awkward.” Luckily he can laugh and cut hair at the same time.

And in case you think I’m exaggerating about rocking the awkward:

So, you’re on a date, meeting someone for the first time in person, and you slide into the booth at the restaurant and somehow in crossing your legs underneath the table, you manage to flip your shoe off of one of your feet. And while trying to carry on intelligent conversation, you make random forays with your stockinged foot, trying to grab the shoe and put it back on without actually having to get all Maxwell Smart and dive under the table for it.

And you finally find it with your toes, and you’re trying to flip it around so you can sneak your foot into it. While continuing to talk of sealing wax and cabbage with wings. Except suddenly you realize: that’s not your shoe. That’s HIS shoe.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: dreamaastrid
2012-07-19 02:36 pm (UTC)
"That's HIS Shoe." - LOL!! I love reading your posts...
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[User Picture]From: russell_moore
2012-07-19 02:45 pm (UTC)
And you finally find it with your toes, and you’re trying to flip it around so you can sneak your foot into it. While continuing to talk of sealing wax and cabbage with wings. Except suddenly you realize: that’s not your shoe. That’s HIS shoe.


footsie foreplay rocks



with your stockinged foot

footsie foreplay with stockings is foreplay indeed

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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2012-07-19 03:04 pm (UTC)
Not in the first 20 minutes of a daylight stone cold sober date. And not with THIS guy.

If I'd meant it, I wouldn't be wasting time on a shoe....but I'm guessing you're not surprised there...
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[User Picture]From: russell_moore
2012-07-19 04:04 pm (UTC)
"If I'd meant it, I wouldn't be wasting time on a shoe....but I'm guessing you're not surprised there... "

not surprised at all ... gives me visions of going to dinner with you and having your stocking clad tosies go exploring wherever they wish
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[User Picture]From: sestree
2012-07-20 02:39 pm (UTC)
No honey if she was serious she *would* have dove under the table.

....and not for a shoe either ;)
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