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You're ruining my holiday [Oct. 10th, 2012|10:29 am]
You’re ruining my holiday.

Just say NO to Hallowsluts, shall we? If you have to have a “Most Sexy Costume” category, make sure it’s based on overall enticing, character, and not just on amount of skin showing. And for crissakes, break the mold and give it to a guy. Let the WOMEN judge.

Hey, I’m all about being proud of your body. And am clearly not shy about putting my best features forward. And totally support one of the basic tenets of Halloween, which is a chance to spread your wings and revel in being someone else, or a facet of you that doesn’t get out to play.

But if you’ve tried costume shopping lately -- yes, yes, yes, I know, there are a billion costumes you can just whip up on your own….I dress a whole freaking STREET on Halloween and frankly can use a costume that I can just pop into, sans large amounts of fuss, muss, makeup, and assembly. I get a whopping uninterrupted 15 minutes to dress out, my friends, if I’m very, very lucky…which is why most of my actual Halloween costumes involve the same damn costume I wear all the time, with a little extra make-up or accessories. But if you have tried to buy a premade costume, and you’re a woman, here are your choices – Slutty Pirate, Slutty Kitty Kat, Slutty Nurse, Slutty Vampire, Slutty Mummy, Slutty Bunny, Slutty Barbarian Wench, Slutty French Waitress, Slutty Fairy (goes without saying) and Slutty Slut McSlutterson Prostitute.

I mean, come ON. I have to look at Plus Size costumes just to get something that would hang more than a quarter of an inch below my ASS. And in most of the country, it’s freaking COLD outside on Halloween night. Girls, you don’t look hot in those costumes on Halloween, just cold and easy. (Please note, when I trash women who look easy…I’m trashing you for LOOKING easy. Be as promiscuous as you want – but make it look like they’re at least going to have to WORK for it. Who the hell wants to sleep with a lazy bastard who pursues easy pickings?)

Hey, there are parties where the whole POINT is to let your licentious, lascivious self fly free, and that’s cool. But this has become so out of control, so de rigueur, that non-slut costumes for young women have all but disappeared from store shelves. If you think that this:


is exaggerated to make a point, let me assure you, it isn’t.

Moms & Dads, I know, I grew up with a Halloween-hating, craft-impaired mother. The thought of MAKING a Halloween costume…I get it. But PLEASE, PLEASE, especially if one of your children is a girl, teach them contempt for storebought costumes NOW, right NOW, repulsion at the sight of cheap, thin polyester, so that they can keep a healthy perspective on their own bodies, their own characters and resist the slut culture that seems to pervade the shelves of the ready-made. Make a big expletive deal about making a costume, turn it into a project, and give them the skills so that they can always CHOOSE what they want to be, and take pride in it. And when I say “make a costume” that could be as simple as buying a ready made dress and adding accessories, or gluing on things to turn it into something special. I’m not talking about sewing by hand. Yay, you, if you can…but this sewing impaired person will never judge you for taking a green dress from the thrift store and hot gluing fake leaves to it. And gluing up the hem because it was too big. And using a sharpie. There are lots of online resources for making simple non-sewing costumes. Martha Stewart even has some very cool costumes that require not very much effort or skill.

Otherwise that’s going to be your little girl out there, in the dark, underage, dressed like jailbait, because all the other girls….

Now is a great time to teach them that they’re BETTER than all the other girls…smarter, cleverer, and craftier.

[User Picture]From: kitteblue
2012-10-10 03:06 pm (UTC)
Yep! here are 2 of my usual examples:



(Really, why would anyone want to be a sexy fedex driver?)
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2012-10-10 03:17 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: kitteblue
2012-10-10 03:18 pm (UTC)
Yeah that wins the WTF award.
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2012-10-11 12:59 am (UTC)
Necrophiliacs, anyone?
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[User Picture]From: dawntreader90
2012-10-10 06:43 pm (UTC)
I KNOW!!!!! that cracked me up. Sexy Fed Ex?? WTH! sounds like a terrible movie plot. but then no one watches those for the plot anyway.
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[User Picture]From: kiltboy
2012-10-10 08:22 pm (UTC)
*knock, knock* Fed Ex! Got a Special Delivery!

*housewife* - "Oh, looks like my Hickory Farms "Whole Lot O'Sausage" mega-pack has arrived. And it sure is a special delivery, Mr. Fed Ex Guy...

< cue "brown chicken, brown cow" >

Damned formatting problems...
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[User Picture]From: dawntreader90
2012-10-10 08:48 pm (UTC)
except the "Sexy Fed Ex" costume is for women. that's a totally different movie.
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[User Picture]From: russell_moore
2012-10-10 09:13 pm (UTC)
yes it is

* knock knock ... hello, this is Maria from FedEx

* guy - oh boy ... I'll bet this is my special bearded clam delivery ... with all natural juices

* pantless Maria in the FedEx shirt/minidress enters, her hands slowly moving up her thighs, as she purrs "and where would you like it delivered?"

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[User Picture]From: dawntreader90
2012-10-11 12:59 am (UTC)
these movies are terrible. i'm glad i have a hundred other channels to watch. :P
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