||[Jun. 21st, 2013|10:58 am]
Even after my last post, some of you may doubt the utter adorability of a sloth in a bowl. I give you this:
Dear Gateway: Did you seriously design a tower with a top that is perfectly cat-sized…and put the on/off button right where the cat’s paws rest? Turnip, why is there concertina wire and broken glass on top of your hard drive thingy? Oh, to keep cats and pigeons from shutting off my computer about A DOZEN TIMES A DAY.
(For the record, I don't actually have pigeons in the house. You're thinking of my grandmother. I only have fifty pigeon EGGS in the house. But that's a story for another time.)
Dear Clydes of Tower Oak: Okay, I get the whole hunting lodge vibe you’re going for. And the dozens of saddles used as décor…the smell of leather and colors/patterns of saddles certainly make me feel right at home, although they don’t lead me to think “oh, let’s eat” but more like ah, I need to get back in shape and get out more, and maybe if I was riding again I wouldn't be so fat. Or maybe if I ate LESS. But that’s probably just me and a small handful of people. And again, hanging saddles on the dividers between booths…makes me sort of feel like my booth is a stall, and maybe I should be ordering a bucket of grain, instead of a ribeye. But, looking around at the clientele, again, it’s probably just me, AGAIN. I do want to thank you, though, for hanging those saddles so that they sit pretty much at temple height for men, and because you don’t have the stirrups run up properly, the stirrups are hanging dangerously at temple height for women. Because I’ve had a blast all night long, watching people duck suddenly, or take a hit right in the head. Seriously, finally I understandsome people’s inability to look away from a television screen in a bar. My date probably thinks I’m incapable of maintaining eye contact. Hopefully he thinks the occasional giggles are because he's so amusing.
Two things that have made me rethink some of my thought-carelessness, lately.
First, Russell Brand, I apologize. Admittedly, I had nothing to go on but random drivebys on television or tabloid/magazine covers, and all I could think was seriously, Katy, you can do better, what the hell has he done with his hair and what was he thinking. And whatever celebrity-focused rumors, “news”, had managed to drift by and penetrate some superficial level of my brain when I wasn’t paying attention, only served to reinforce my careless belief that you were yet another celebrity waste of oxygen. Forgetting that Tim Minchin, also grooming-challenged in my opinion, is expletive brilliant despite THAT HAIR, and in my admittedly small pantheon of famous people that I’d let on my lifeboat. The following clip has changed my mind completely and made it clear that I owe you an apology for thinking you were an irredeemable twit. Although, seriously, you and Tim….this is not a good look for either one of you. I still want to hustle you off to a salon somewhere and clean you up. But whatever, I’m not your Mom or girlfriend, so it’s just an opinion.
Second. I’ll admit it, I’m not kind to people who aren’t very smart. Well, no, that’s not true. I'm not very kind in general. But definitely determinedly unkind to people who aren’t as smart as they THINK they are. AND wind up on television, or radio, or someplace PUBLIC promulgating their thoughts and opinions. And okay, in the case of beauty contests, these women HAVE chosen to put themselves out there…and in theory they’ve trained for this. I freely admit that as someone who has never felt beautiful except in tiny fleeting delusional moments of exception, who has always been slightly resentful of people who’ve been dealt a better hand of cards in looks and physicality, wait, did I say slight? Ha! I know it doesn’t make me a good person, but I can’t help feeling that it’s brutally unfair for someone to have a Royal Flush – beautiful/handsome, smart AND have artistic/musical talent. (Not that I’m looking at several of you. Bitches. But I love you DESPITE that.) Anyway, it may make me small, but I have to confess to feeling a more than fair amount of schaudenfreude when someone appears to be unfairly gifted in several ways, but then reveals a major flaw. It restores my faith in the fairness of the universe. (Look, I know the universe is unfair. Intellectually, I know that the universe is not fair or unfair, that balance in small things is a fairy tale, yadda, yadda. But I yearn for it and delude myself that fairness is the desired and achievable state. Hey, Christians have heaven. This is my version.)
So am I wrong to have felt a bit of schaudenfreude when this young woman answered her question so…poorly? No, I don’t think so. (See previous reference to unkind, above) My tiny moment of “ha, see, life is fairer now. You may be absolutely stunning to look at, and talented, but listen to you…doot-de-doo!”
Because you know, it’s so fair to judge someone on a 15 second sound bite. But I support our right to be juvenile from time to time, in our own heads. To judge someone that frankly, we don’t know, aren’t going to know, don’t need to know...no harm, no foul. But technology has now made it possible to blow these things, so easily, so crazily, out of proportion. We’re like impulsive eight year olds who’ve been given a giant fire hose of Bully. Something that might have been a ripple of laughter, a chuckle here or there, and then quickly forgotten…is now globally shared, globally mocked, and yeah, you know what, this writer says it all – we now have the power to completely destroy someone, someone who has worth and value as a human being, because they choked in a public arena. I guarantee you that this young woman has probably given back to her community and her world much more than many of her peers, or even my peers. And as little as the very concept of Beauty Pageants makes my teeth ache, still, what’s happened to this woman is excessive and distinctly UNFAIR. Look, I’m all about the judging – but if you’re going to indulge, indulge in a small private, non-public way. Back away from the Firehose, jump off the Bandwagon of Bully.
Unless Michelle Bachman moves back into the public arena. Because that’s not just an occasional screw-up, that’s willful ignorance and dangerous proximity to theoretical power. And I will totally engage the Firehose on THAT expletive.
Anyway, I encourage you to read this piece and consider letting some of the points percolate. I like this guy’s writing a lot. I don’t always agree, but I appreciate what he’s doing, and respect his perspective.