||[Dec. 10th, 2013|10:22 am]
I've joked about having a brush of Asperger's -- which isn't to make light of people with ASD, I am trying to stop that pattern because I think it's offensive to people who do have ASD, but it's going to take some time to rewrite that. I mean I do believe that as we learn more, we'll learn that there's no hard line between neurotypical and neuropathy. And of course, overall neurotypical doesn't meant you don't have varying degrees of ability/skill in all the subsets. My overall social skillset leave me comfortably neurotypical, although some of the social was purposefully learned and overcome. But there are definitely areas of weakness, even impairment. Certainly, if you just took my scores on literalness/failure to hear nuance and added that to my scores on bluntness and blurting...
Like, for example, when I post on Faceborg that those of us who had to get ourselves into work today, despite the weather, would appreciate it if those of you who got to stay home wouldn't gloat. Thus prompting several of my "friends" to not only gloat but do it right there, not even on their own page. Now, intellectually, I reason "okay, some of your "friends" are just morons. Others are just chucknuts and took it as a dare. Some think you have way more nuance than you actually do and think you'd find it funny."
But the me that was the primary me until about high school is sitting in chair, hunched over a bit, frowning, jiggling one knee and asking "why? I asked them not to, and they did it anyway. Why would you do that?" I don't have the time/headspace to really care about implementing my threat to track them down and ruin their day. Although I will freely admit, that if I were crazily wealthy? I'd hire someone to go leave a bag of flaming poop on each and every one of their doorsteps. Because I MEANT it.
Diego can attest to my ability to expletive a joke by taking whatever's been said...literally. Which still make it funny for him, I suppose, so not all's lost.
Last night, killing time while I was getting new tires, I wandered the mall and went into storefront currently occupied by an art cooperative. I'd read the signs, so when the volunteer behind the counter said "Can I tell you about our organization?" I really wanted to just say "No, thank you." But I thought that would sound dickish, so instead I said "Well, okay, as long as you're quick about it." Which sounded really reasonable to ME. But the look on her face and on the other person's face -- here's where I'm holding down the other side of the neurotypical scale, 'cause I rock reading body language -- was more than a bit taken aback and slightly offended. Expletive volunteers, my inner curmudgeon grumbled. But I tried to cover with "oh, you know, passion of a volunteer, we tend to go on."
And then she launched into not only a description of the organization and what they were doing there today, but also....sigh, history, other venues, shows they did elsewhere including a sidebar disagreement between the two volunteers about the actual name of certain shows and whether they had already mentioned one and which one was "the big one". And when they finally finished, because I was filled with goodwill toward men and am well aware of the fine line I often tread between blunt/literal and posteriororifice, did NOT say "See, that's what I meant about taking too long. Seriously, google 30 second elevator speech and practice it."
My boss: Oh, you made it in today! Me: Yes, that's why I left early yesterday, to get new tires so that I could get in today. Boss: Well, I know, but most people, new tires or not, weren't able to make it in. Me: Um, that was the deal.
And then he laughed. Which is probably how I got this way. Fountaingirl and others have congratulated me on being brave or having a set of brass balls, etc. When really it's just a social impairment. Me just being me, and then while I'm having second internal thoughts about how that was probably an artless phrasing or why can't my brain edit faster and the other person bursts out laughing. Which, after all, is a huge positive reinforcement. Which just makes me more likely to keep it up.
And the whole time there's this wide chasm -- because they're laughing because they think I said something really funny. I'm laughing because they think I'm kidding. And I just totally got away with being a complete posteriororifice.