|Because I've fallen behind on my correspondence...
||[Dec. 18th, 2013|01:59 pm]
Dear writers of Being Human, Let’s get this straight. You kill off all the characters I enjoyed and left me with the one that has annoyed the carp out of me since episode 1? Admittedly, it was easier to let go of Mitchell once he fell in love with said chattycathy dippy/dopey character. And then in the beginning of the next season, you introduce three new ones and I have to say goodbye to two of them right away? Seriously. Settle down. I’m trying to decorate a Christmas tree and you’re making me cry non-stop. My only consolation is that I know at the end of this season chattycathydippydopey also dies. And Hal…okay, now that I get to know him better, as the risk of ripping off a whole different vampire/werewolf series, I’d like to do real bad things with him.
Dear headphones, why the hell isn’t your cord two inches longer? That’s all it would take in order to enable me to turn around and access the things behind me. Instead, nearly daily, I’m forced to confront my inability to learn simple things and instead yank you out of the socket, or have the headphones yanked off my head.
Dear cold viruses, are you seriously lined up, holding deli counter numbers? This is number three in a row. I haven’t even had the chance to get over one, when the next one is moving in already. And you expletives are carrying a lot of luggage. Although, on the other hand, since I haven’t felt well and normal since before Halloween, I suppose it’s kinder that way. I may well have forgotten what “well” feels like.
Dear family that ran up an $80 tab in the restaurant and left an $8 tip. I know, math is HARD. That’s ten percent. Now, take half of that, which would be $4, and add that to your ten percent. That equals 15%. Although since you had small children that made a mess of the sugar packet container, shredded napkins and dropped food all of the floor…you should have doubled or tripled that ten percent. If I were empress of the free world, the punishment for undertipping would be to work a certain number of hours as a server. That’d learn ya.
While I was there…
Dear guy at the other table, did you know that you’ve been talking nonstop since I sat down, ordered and ate my meal? Unless the other people invited you specifically to tell them all about everything you’ve ever had a thought about, you should probably let them get a word in edgewise. Here’s your hint, if someone at the table is pointedly not making eye contact with you every time you start talking, and he/she is not socially impaired or blind, then that is your hint, nay, your bodylanguage billboard, flashing in neon, that you are boring them. Look, I’m a fellow yammerer, I know, it’s hard. But seriously, give it a rest, take a break, and ask THEM something. And then resist the urge to follow that up with YOUR opinion of whatever it was they were talking about. Conversation, it’s give and take.
Dear Folks at Cards Against Humanity, well done. The envelopes alone were worth the $12. Although also having various cards that were part of the 12 days of Christmas, most of which are too filthy to make it onto here, past my own self-imposed filter, except maybe for “Slicing a ham in icy silence”, was a special bonus. And the trial game, also too filthy to describe here to any degree, Clusterexpletive, looks fun. Although when your circle of friends includes several ex’s, and the significant others of those ex’s…and the game is essentially a series of hookups, and winning points on whether you complete successful twosomes and threesomes, well, let’s just say, it might take some doing to get the right group to play THAT game.
Speaking of ex’s…
Dear self, do you even HAVE a filter anymore? When talking to your ex about the upcoming party you’ll both be attending, where the theme is Winter is Coming and you’re all going as Game of Thrones characters, you specifically as Cersei Lannister…and you get to talking about what might have prompted your mutual mundane friend to suddenly go all cosplay on you…and you’re both discussing the level of seriousness, like are we expected to BEHAVE in character? (Because we are essentially talking about a party that is comprised mostly of our old D&D group….don’t be judging!) And I say, well, I’m not sure who’s playing Jaime Lannister, but if he’s cute and available, taking it seriously might be just fine with me. And he says yeah, well, except depending on where in the story we’re landing, he could be one-handed and morose. Although you hitting on him might be enough to get rid of the moroseness. And I say “Well, as long as he’s got ONE hand.”
Hmm, maybe playing that game with the ex’s and their SO’s won’t be that much of a stretch….it’s not like they don’t KNOW me.