|Three Rules of Life
||[Nov. 30th, 2007|02:00 pm]
Three Rules of Life|
I think everyone should have a set of three rules. Situations vary, circumstances change – personally, I find very little that I feel comfortable setting down in cement. But here are three things I will never, ever have to think about, just follow them and I’ll be all right.
1. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
(You never know when you’ll have the next chance and at my age…a traffic jam, a sneeze, the need to lift heavy objects…well, it’s a damn good rule.)
2. Never waste a hard-on.
(As a woman, let me specify, that would be one that my significant other is experiencing – not just anybody’s, okay? I’d like to think that would be self-evident, but there always seems to be some joker who wants to give Rule #2 a test-drive.)
3. Never cut the red wire.
(I can’t honestly say that it’s the other wire that defuses the bomb. This may not always be true. But still, it’s rarely the red one – and really, in a situation like that, why sweat it? You’ve got 30-60 seconds, why waste it obsessing over which wire? Spend your last seconds remembering something lovely, knowing that you can fall back on Rule #3 at the last second and be right…or wrong…but mellow.)