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While I'm still mounted on the Pissy Horse... - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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While I'm still mounted on the Pissy Horse... [Jan. 24th, 2008|10:04 am]
Dear Two Guys Chasing a Beagle,

Last Saturday, you were chasing your dog up my street, while I was walking down it with my two dogs. You two were waving your arms and hollering at the dog, who wisely, was paying no attention to you, because you were clearly MAD.

I knelt down and opened my arms and called "C'mere sweetheart!" and he ran right up to me. (Note to women. This works on more than just dogs, if you know what I'm saying...)

Now, when you guys caught up, you were huffing and puffing and said something about several blocks and how were you going to carry the dog all the way back. (Note to you two: a little less tv for you both and you could have caught your dog much sooner. A little less food for your fatbeagle and you could have easily carried an appropriate-weight-for-a-beagle home. Although then you might not have caught him sooner, but it'd be better for him anyway.)

So I offered you the use of one of my leashes, since I wisely have dogs who have collars that can be held without bending over and was only 100 yards from home. I told you to just drop it off on the front stair railing as soon as you got a chance.

I sort of thought the chance would have happened by now. Personally, as soon as I got home, I would've walked (although from the size of your gut, I'm guessing you would have used a car) the leash back.

It's been almost a week now. I want my damned leash back. It was custom made, is one of a pair of leashes and was lovingly broken in over 6 years of constant use. You are two days away from having the surrounding neighborhood plastered with an abbreviated version of this letter.

Do not push me. I almost killed a cashier over a wasted plastic bag this week. And I really, really am fond of this leash.

[User Picture]From: mistressfetch
2008-01-24 03:24 pm (UTC)
See, I don't get this. I would of immediately returned the leash. I guess they thought it was a gift...I get freaked out if I owe someone a dollar and don't pay it back....bloody hell!!!

p.s. I take it the pyrate will be the DD tonight :-) hehehehe
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[User Picture]From: pyllgrum
2008-01-24 04:20 pm (UTC)
If you were a sociopath, like me, the solution would be obvious.

Go find the dog, take it to your house, and hold it hostage for the leash. (How much kibble can a beagle eat, anyway?)
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[User Picture]From: 3fingeredsalute
2008-01-24 04:27 pm (UTC)
There was an interesting way of retribution through dog-care in Vonnegut's "Slaughterhouse Five". I DO NOT promote it, however.
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[User Picture]From: pyllgrum
2008-01-24 04:55 pm (UTC)
Was the fire-bombing of Dresden involved in this retribution? Because that might really lower the real estate values in her neighborhood.
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[User Picture]From: fountaingirl
2008-01-24 04:46 pm (UTC)
I love this letter muchly and recommend printing it on computer-printer-compatible themed Valentine paper, and leaving a copy in their mailbox, one under the wiper of car, and one in doorframe. For starters.
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[User Picture]From: regineaubergine
2008-01-24 04:50 pm (UTC)
If this ever happens again they get a length of twine. We have lots around. Probably some still clinging to the trees in our yard left over from Halloween. I'll keep an eye out for any fat guys with beagles in the neighborhood and if I spot them will ask a few pointed leash related questions???!!! If I'm energetic will even track them down so that we can then KNOW WHERE THEY LIVE!!! Ha watch out dudes I'm not just peri-Menopausal, I'm in full swing here. Beware.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-01-24 04:50 pm (UTC)
Oh, my darlings, if I had any idea where they lived...the problem would have been solved! And I may have even been able to restrict myself to Knock, knock. "Hi. Where's my fucking leash, you ungrateful pricks?"
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-01-24 05:06 pm (UTC)
If they're that damn stupid about dogs and inconsiderate about everyone else, they probably leave the beagle out in the yard all day, where he barks his silly head off from the boredom. Can't be that hard to find, and if you don't want to waste time looking, I'll bet if you put the signs up all the neighbors who are sick of the barking beagle will instantly rat them out.
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